Author Archives: S.D. Sorensen

So WHO’s the fool?

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The biggest mistake I made today was actually explaining to my children the gist of April Fool’s Day.  Clark said in the car after I finished, “So today’s the day that God doesn’t care if you tell a lie?”  Yep, you got it buddy.  The rest of the day I was tortured with, “Hey mom, guess what?  I hit a kid on the face at school today.  (giggle, grin. grin, giggle.)”

“Oh no! (calling down legions of angels to keep me from rolling my eyes)  Why would you do such a thing?!  (Feigned shock. Disapproval.)”

“April Fool’s, mom!  It was just a joke.”

I would write more, because believe you me– there are PLENTY of examples– but they were painful enough the first time around, and I’m guessing you’ve got the idea of how fun that was.   So as if all the excruciating and not-even-remotely-funny lying was not enough, they also played the best jokes they could come up with to trick people.

Picture this scene:

“Yay! Yay!  Daddy’s home!”  (screaming, jumping, asking for autographs, etc.) “Hey daddy, guess what?  Today’s April Fool’s Day.  We have some surprises for you.”  (more giggling.)  “Go change your clothes and then lie down in your bed for a nap and you just might feel something.”  (They all look at each other and smile oh so secretively.)  Even Natalie pipes up— actually she demands he pick her up then screams this enthusiastically about 3 inches from his face:  “Daddy.  APIL FOOOOOOOOL!  We play tricks on you!”

So good sport dad climbs into his bed to take a little after-work nap and wins an Oscar for his astonished dismay at finding a pile of jacks spread around his mattress.  Those little rascals.  They all bounce up and down cackling their guts out because they are so darn clever.

dscf1991Another example of their coy pranks was saying to Matt at one point, “Hey dad, come downstairs and walk in your office please.”  Clark added, “And Dad, if you see a pillow on top of a door, just walk in the door anyway, okay?”  I’m thinking that one of the wisest national security moves that President Obama could make would be to recruit my children into Al Qaida and then watch them act “covertly” and lead our military directly to the prime enemy targets.

Well, I had had enough of this amateur business, so I decided to show them how you really work some April Fool’s magic.  I don’t know if I’ve ever played pranks on this day before (I probably did, but nothing worth remembering), but the situation at our house was so pathetically dire that it demanded a little up-the-ante.  So when everyone was seated for dinner, I told them that I made them a very special April Fool’s dinner and they had to close their eyes.  This is a picture of their joyful shock when they realized we were having cupcakes for dinner:

dscf1992And then here are their faces when they realized that those cupcakes were not really cupcakes at all:dscf1993dscf19941dscf1995Behold my I-pity-the-fool masterpiece– meatloaf and mashed potatoes:

dscf1996Clark, who is half goat and will eat anything that is not currently alive, enjoyed his “cupcake.”

dscf1997But Grant, who will not eat anything he has not already eaten at least 7 times 70 times, was this fond of his meal:

dscf1998 I think a new tradition has been born.  So, how was your day?

p.s.  To vote for your favorite limerick, follow the link on the sidebar. Voting will close on Saturday night, afterwhich some lucky woman will recieve the Nobel Prize for Literature a spot on my sidebar and some chocolate.   So, rock the vote.  What are you waiting for? ————————————->

April Fools. Which limerick rules? (Ah, sweet poetry.)

Posted in Diapers by

Okay, so we made the domain switch today to http://www.diapersanddivinity.com, so here’s hoping that worked fine.  If you’re reading this, you’ve obviously found me here.  Hooray!

Limericks.  The important business of the day.  It was so fun to read your entries as they came in.  You’ll have to go back to the comments to read through all of them, but here were some of the laugh-out-loud highlights for me:

  • Shantel’s son Porter showing his bum at Family Home Evening, and someone peeing on her in Sacrament meeting
  • Jen and the lady who’s kids are tossing cheerios at church
  • DeNae and her completely-off-topic, but nevertheless very noteworthy limerick
  • Marianne and the fear of FHE
  • InkMom’s awesome also-off-topic but very clever limerick about morning sickness
  • The Queen, because who can’t relate to your kids crawling all over you and dislocating your skirt at church?
  • Tay, with the Star Wars screaming, wiggly little one
  • Erin with the dreaded front row disaster
  • and Becca with the harried late arrival stories

Phenomenal, ladies.  You did me proud.  After much deliberation (and actually stressing myself out about picking my favorites but then reminding myself, “Steph, this is a dumb contest anyway.  No one cares about being on your sidebar, and they already have a stash of chocolate hidden on the top shelf of their corner kitchen cupboard (right?), so just get over it and pick a few you like!),” I chose the following finalists for the Diapers and Divinity Limerick Contest:

Because I can totally relate to the whole arriving late at church dilemma:  Becca —

We’re coming in five minutes too late,
in clothes that my children all hate.
They’re squirming and squawking,
the first speaker’s talking,
why must the front bench be my fate?

And because the concept of inside voices is totally foreign to my children, plus because her last line is awesome:  InkMom —

Inside voices sound just like air raids
When Sacrament silence still pervades.
Deacons pass water;
Kids muzzled by father;
Goldfish are Reverence’s band-aids.

Because she captured the universal frustration of family scripture study:  Jen —

Family scriptures – if we’re talking ideally –
Are meant to be spiritual. Really!
You say that you’re yelling?
The whole thing is smelling?
Then you’re just like the rest of us, clearly.

Because she clearly debates the same issues I do each time Family Home Evening rolls around:  Marianne —

Once again it’s time for FHE
My baby is crying for me
My husband is late
My 3 year old’s irate
How dare I turn off the TV?

And finally, because her Sacrament meeting scenario just made me laugh:  The Queen —

My twin girls climb all over the place;
Now my dress is undone to my waist.
I guess that’s why Bishop
Looks like he might throw up.
Wish this closing song had a quicker pace!

So pick your favorite in the poll below.  Please don’t feel the need to take this too seriously.  You can select more than one if you have multiple favorites, but you can’t vote for the same one multiple times.  And unless this contest is very, very important to you (?), don’t feel compelled to run a full-on internet campaign to collect votes.  🙂  I’ll close out the poll at the end of the week and announce the winner.  Thanks again everyone.  Fun times!

I have written a limerick below to share some of the joys of our trip home on the airplane today:

In the future I won’t arrive late,
Because the seats that are left are NOT great.
One kid’s on row 4.
One’s by the back door,
And the other is row 28.

“Would you mind sitting here on the aisle?”
They want to behead me, but smile.
So they all move around,
and we finally sit down.
This should be a fun 2000 miles.

The flight actually did go quite nicely,
Thanks to our electronic devices.
We’re home and I’m tired.
The kids are all wired.
And to do it again, I’d think twicely. 🙂

Vacation can kill you, and other random thoughts

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chuck27e20cheeseThis vacation in Atlanta has been fairly laid back, but I still feel exhausted.  Here are a few important lessons I have learned this time around:

  • If my children are given the choice between going to heaven or going to Chuck E. Cheese, it’s a no-brainer.  (Oh, and apparently exchanging wads and wads of tickets for a one-inch Laffy Taffy and a mini Tootsie-Roll pop is much more rewarding than I would have imagined.)
  • Lots and lots of rain is only slightly better than lots and lots of snow.  You still get cabin fever.
  • When your mom asks you to help her shop for jeans, wear comfortable shoes and pack a lunch.
  • An air mattress does not count as a bed, I don’t care what anyone tells you.
  • If you go on a leisurely walk with your dad in a hilly neighborhood while pushing your 2-year-old in a stroller, it’s possible that your leg muscles might combust.
  • If your husband loves to browse eBay and Craig’s List, it may not be a wise budget move to leave him unsupervised at home for eight days.
  • If you would like to renew your faith in your children, just listen to your parents talk about them to their friends.  You’d think they were national treasures raised by a herd of angels.
  • Vacation makes your children lose their will to sleep.  No matter how hard you try to maintain a routine, they go to bed late and wake up too early.
  • When your mom thinks that homemade play-doh would be a fun idea for your kids, she’s right.  It will entertain Clark and Natalie for more than an hour and the mess is at her house instead of yours.
  • Note to self:  Do not save all of your children’s old books and toys for 35 years so that your grandchildren can play with them some day.  Chances are only about 23% that said grandchildren will survive the dust, mildew, small parts and 274 broken modern safety laws.  If you choose to break this “rule,”  keep plenty of band-aids and Benadryl on hand.
  • I really like Springtime, and really dislike Arctic wintertime.
  • It doesn’t really matter much how many years have passed or whether the homestead has changed location, spending time with parents and family always feels like home.

Well, that’s about as deep as I’m feeling today.  I’ve got to get some sleep so I can survive that 3 kids on the airplane thing tomorrow.

Tomorrow’s the last day to enter a limerick in the limerick contest.  There are some fun ones so far.  Watch for voting starting Wednesday.

And also Wednesday is the day you’ll need to reset the RSS feed for this blog as it switches to www.diapersanddivinity.com .  From what I understand, Google Reader, your sidebar post-updater-thing, or any RSS feed won’t pick up any new posts unless you re-subscribe.  Please come back and find me again or I’ll miss you.

And I’m going to Women’s Conference at BYU at the end of April… is anyone going to be there as well?  Might be fun to meet up for lunch one day or something.

Oh, and guess what?!  I actually won something in that giveaway at Mormon Mommy Blogs— a cool photo book.  Plus a bunch of other people I like won stuff too, so I was so excited when I saw the big announcement.  They also invited/approved for me to guest post there soon and I’m anxious about what to write… heavy on diapers or heavy on divinty, or a clever mix of both (that’s trickier sometimes).  Any advice?  Feel free to throw out a topic, too.

Shut up!

Posted in Divinity by

smileI consider myself a fairly confident person overall, but I do have my struggles with self-doubt.  Something about spending the last week at my parents’ home has triggered some pondering in me.  And then when I set goals of things I know I want to be better at, that voice starts a-talkin’.  It says things like this:

When your children sometimes exhibit “unacceptable” behavior, that means you have failed as a mother.

Remember those 12 pounds you’ve gained slowly over the last couple years?  Well, take a good look in the mirror and you can see exactly where they are.  Ha!  Take that, fat girl.

Plus you haven’t exercised once this week.  That means you have no self-discipline and these 12 pounds aren’t going anywhere… they’re probably just the beginning.

Your house would barely qualify as a tool shed in this neighborhood.

When you go to church today and see people from your past, they might look at you and the phrase “worse for the wear” may come to mind.  Sure, smile and be polite, but you know they’re thinking you’ve let yourself go.

Stop making so many comments (two!) in Sunday School.  You’re just a visitor, for pete’s sake.  This is probably why your bishop made you the Primary president… because you just can’t keep your mouth shut in Sunday School and Relief Society.

Plus maybe the stuff you’re saying is dumb and people don’t care anyway.

And then in the mix of all that befuddlement, the Relief Society teacher quoted something she said came from Elder Holland’s talk, “Cast Not Away Therefore Thy Confidence.”  Simply the mention of that title jolted me.  I immediately felt a sense of comfort and acceptance.  My perspective changed and I became accutely aware that the voice I’d been listening to did NOT come from my Heavenly Father.  His voice does not make me feel small or unimportant.  So I jotted down the name of the talk in my notes and came home and studied it.  I just wanted to share a few quotes that have refueled my spirit today:

“Certainly don’t give in to that being who is bent on the destruction of your happiness. Face your doubts. Master your fears. “Cast not away therefore your confidence.” Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you.

“…  I acknowledge the reality of opposition and adversity, but I bear witness of the God of glory, of the redeeming Son of God, of light and hope and a bright future. I promise you that God lives and loves you, each one of you, and that He has set bounds and limits to the opposing powers of darkness. I testify that Jesus is the Christ, the victor over death and hell and the fallen one who schemes there. The gospel of Jesus Christ is true, and it has been restored.  “Fear ye not.” And when the second and third and fourth blows come, “fear ye not. … The Lord shall fight for you.”  Cast not away therefore your confidence.”

So, I’m telling that voice of self doubt to shut up.  There are lots of things about me that it clearly does not understand.  Things like this:

Rom. 8: 16-17
  16 The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:
  17 And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ;
 
“Though we may see ourselves as weak and simple, we all share a noble heritage and can develop a faith that is equal to that of remarkable, faithful women who have gone before us. We have a vital role to play in helping build the kingdom of God and preparing for the Lord’s coming. In fact, the Lord cannot accomplish His work without the help of His daughters.”
smile2So, stick a sock in it, voice of doubt.  I’ve got a lot of important things to do and be, and I simply don’t have time for your nonsense.  Nice try, though.
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Don’t be shy… try your hand at the limerick contest.  TWO days left.  Come on, it’ll be fun.
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Reminder:  As of April 1, this blog will be hosted solely at http://www.diapersanddivinity.com (”wordpress” will no longer appear in the URL).  When that change takes place, the old feed will be reset and you will need to go there yourself and subscribe again (for the LAST time, I promise).  Any previous RSS feed will no longer work.

Sacrifice: the delicate balance

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This entry was originally posted on August 18, 2008.  (I’m re-creating my lost archives.)

droppedimage We all know that being a mom means giving up a lot of things, and yes, we get back lots of blessings in return.  But does anyone else out there totally fail in that balancing trick between give your whole self to your job as a mother and put yourself first?  I figure it’s impossible; it’s like trying to take a shower and blow dry your hair at the same time… you’re going to get burned!  And I get the whole concept of if you don’t take care of yourself then there’s less of you to give, but exactly how does that work when even the 110% version of yourself probably isn’t enough to get it all done anyway?  (I mean, seriously, if you could see my house right now, you would laugh out loud that I’m dispensing anything remotely resembling advice or wisdom of any kind.)

The only way that I’ve been able to come to terms with this is the Christian doctrine of grace… the whole concept of  Do the very best that you can, and the Lord will make up the difference.  And let’s face it, He’s not going to step in and finish off the laundry or strike your screaming child mute for the last 5 minutes of the ride home, but I take confidence in the hope that He will let my children turn out alright anyway.  He won’t let my frequent failures and occasional disasters be the tragic flaw in my overall motherhood effort.  I believe God will overlook my shortcomings and bless my sincere efforts; He will make it all turn out as if I’d done it right in the first place.  So maybe it’s fantasy, but it gets me through… doesn’t it make you feel better too?

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Don’t be shy… try your hand at the limerick contest.  Come on, it’ll be fun.
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Reminder:  As of April 1, this blog will be hosted solely at http://www.diapersanddivinity.com (”wordpress” will no longer appear in the URL).  When that change takes place, the old feed will be reset and you will need to go there yourself and subscribe again (for the LAST time, I promise).  Any previous RSS feed will no longer work