This post is in honor of Jen at Jen’s Jingle. She occasionally hosts a limerick contest that is quite delightful. The winner of her contest gets a coveted spot on her sidebar as “the greatest limerick writer of all time.” Perhaps you did not know that I wrote poetry. (wrote= past tense) Once I had a poem published in the Friend magazine. I know, have you seen the high calibre of children’s poetry that they publish there? I also won some kind of state-wide-ish poetry competition in elementary school. I have no recollections of poetry in high school, and that actually brings me great relief, but I resumed writing poems in college. I actually had poetry published in a literary journal. Twice. But it was in Spanish. Don’t get too impressed, 95% of Spanish words rhyme with each other. I’m actually a much better poet in Spanish than I am in English. I think the language lends itself to more detailed expression. But, I digress. So Jen’s most recent limerick contest was about swimsuit shopping. (I saw you cringe.) And I won! Prepare yourself for a deep, literary experience:
Swimsuit season is coming in sight.
But shopping for suits? What a fright!
My butt’s a sedan.
Maybe I should go tan;
or is cottage cheese meant to be white?
Whoever won the Nobel Prize for Poetry this year is so stabbing his eyeballs with sporks totally jealous right now. You do know that if I had any pride at all, I would not be sharing this with you, right?
Anyway, Jen got a little jealous (who wouldn’t?), and wants a chance to write a great limerick to rival mine. So I am hosting my very own limerick contest right here. Since my blog is all about Diapers and Divinity, the contest will embrace a related theme.
Your humorous limerick should be about Motherhood and one of these three topics:
- Family Scripture Study, or
- Sitting in church with children, or
- Family Home Evening
(If you don’t have children of your own yet… ahem, Kristina… I’m sure you can make fun of mothers and kids you’ve seen sitting in church.) Here is a quick refresher course on how to write a limerick: It is a five-line poem. Wikipedia explains it like this: “The standard form of a limerick is a stanza of five lines, with the first, second and fifth having nine syllables and rhyming with one another, and the third and fourth having five or six and rhyming separately.” (Please don’t count mine too exactly or I may get the grand prize recalled.) Example:
So is anyone listening to me? 9 syllables, rhyme A
We are reading the Bible, you three! 9 syllables, rhyme A
Sit down! And stop hitting, 6 syllables, rhyme B
a migraine I’m getting! 6 syllables, rhyme B
It’s like preaching to three chimpanzees. 9 syllables, rhyme A
Deadline: Let’s say March 31st.
Judging: I’ll post up my favorites on April 1st. (Remember that’s the day I stop showing up on your RSS feeds, so you’ll have to come find me the old fashioned way… actually typing out www.diapersanddivinity.com into your browser (or clicking on the link) and then re-subscribe/reset your RSS feed.) Then if I’m feeling super tech-savvy, I’ll put up a POLL and you can vote for the winner.
Grand Prize: Well, for one thing, your limerick will win a position of honor on my sidebar for at least a month. Plus, I think I’ll send you some chocolate, because let’s be honest, it’s the best thing almost-no-money can buy.
So get writing ladies (and gents in the minority); hit me with your best shot of good rhymes and funny times! Enter as many as you’d like. Fill the comment box with stuff that makes me smile.
Oh, and oh! Have you seen the giveaway this month at Mormon Mommy Blogs? Get yourself on over there. (If I knew how to put that in really, really tiny unreadable print I would. Because I want to win. But I’m not that blog smart.)
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Reminder: As of April 1, this blog will be hosted solely at http://www.diapersanddivinity.com (”wordpress” will no longer appear in the URL). When that change takes place, the old feed will be reset and you will need to go there yourself and subscribe again (for the LAST time, I promise). Any previous RSS feed will no longer work.
Diapers and Divinity 
OK, I’m going to have to think about this. I will hopefully be back!
Family Home Evening is fun
It’s when Porter shows us his bum.
Brooklyn is mad
Sawyers’ looking for Dad
Straight Jackets don’t now sound so dumb!
From Joel…..
There once was a girl from Nantucket…
Dont worry – I did not let him finish.
I sit in church with five little pigs.
Six if you count the one that is big.
One shoots me the ‘tude
I am so NOT in the mood –
You better shut it – before you wished you did!
I REALLY need to go to bed now!
I am gonna come back with a rhyme;
At the moment I just don’t have time.
With a lesson to prep
(Filled with insight and depth)
Shoulda started ‘fore quarter to nine!
Oh yay! I meant to congratulate you before. That winning limerick really is terrific. I loved your other one, too:
*******
Good heavens! It’s springtime again.
Let the worst of all shopping begin.
Too tight, too revealing,
Such a horrible feeling.
These swimsuits were all made by men!
I had to post it for you because I think your readers should have seen this one, too. And your scripture one is excellent, too. (also, I love the having a poll idea.)
Sunday is the best day of the week
In sacrament the kids ask for treats.
Wiggly and irrevrent are we,
Crap! I think I just felt some pee.
Oh well, Glad I dont have to speak! …..until next week!
Oh that made me giggle!
I’m no poet, but I’ll see what I can come up with!
I have to think on this one. I love limericks and seriously considered having a contest on my blog for St. Patrick’s Day. Funny. I’ll be back…
Oooooo, I’m currently on the run (no, not from the law) but I will most definitely be back later!
(Great limericks up there!)
Uuuuuh…off the top of my head????
We’re coming in five minutes too late,
in clothes that my children all hate.
They’re squirming and squaking,
the first speaker’s talking,
why must the front bench be my fate?
😉 Okay–it was worth a shot. Ha!
Off-topic, but still, here it is:
The babe in my belly’s still growing
Regardless of chunks I am blowing.
It’s happened before,
And I’ll keep hurling more,
At least until I begin showing.
And here’s what you actually asked for:
Inside voices sound just like air raids
When Sacrament silence still pervades.
Deacons pass water;
Kids muzzled by father;
Goldfish are Reverence’s band-aids.
Um, I just wrote three limericks, and the comment box ate them! I will do my best to reproduce:
Family scriptures – if we’re talking ideally –
Are meant to be spiritual. Really!
You say that you’re yelling?
The whole thing is smelling?
Then you’re just like the rest of us, clearly.
Toddlers in church are no fun.
They’re constantly off on the run.
They yell things like, “Potty!”
They cry and they’re naughty,
And of spiritual things you get none.
I feel bad for that woman behind me.
Her five kids seem much more like twenty.
Their cherrios they’re throwing,
The noise levels growing,
And the chaos is bound to be plenty!
There, that’s close enough. No more from me tonight – but I might be back…
Ok, I am laughing at the other ones. Mine’s not the best but I tried!
Once again it’s time for FHE
My baby is crying for me
My husband is late
My 3 year old’s irate
How dare I turn off the TV?
I nearly forgot to come back with a limerick–glad I remembered. Mine is about my most embarrassing Sacrament Meeting moment. Sad, but true.
My twin girls climb all over the place;
Now my dress is undone to my waist.
I guess that’s why Bishop
Looks like he might throw up.
Wish this closing song had a quicker pace!
My husband thought he’d whip one out before he left for work this morning. He asked me to submit his for him.
Family Home Evening–is this a waste?
Will it help my kids be honest, true, and chaste?
Because half the time
It’s murmur, mope, and wine,
(And that’s one of my better moods they’ve faced).
Oops-should have spell checked that for him. Can you change that wine to a whine? Although, maybe the former one might help for happier FHE’s? 😉
Here’s one
There once was a small boy-child named Sean
Who crawled around church without pants on.
He’d wriggle and giggle
While you held tight his middle
And screamed like Darth Vader’s Tie Fighter.
I’m taking a small liberty with the pronunciation of spiritually (spirichly?). I hope that’s okay:
It’s time for us to spiritually grow.
Off to Sacrament meeting we go.
Now please sit on your bum
and I – WHAT? Is that gum?
Oh why did we sit on the front row?
Oh oh oh–one more try.
All my husband’s meetings start early,
by the time I hit church I feel surly,
three kids through the door,
my skirt hits the floor,
It’s official, my family’s gone squirelly.
(True story.)
Ah man. This is what I get for being sick and getting behind! These are great, though!
Wow! You people are all so creative! I enjoyed reading these. 🙂