Monthly Archives: April 2009

Oh, the noise . . . the noise, noise noise, noise!

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droppedimage-copyThis entry was originally posted on August 19, 2008.  (I’m re-creating my lost archives.)

Has anyone ever noticed that by signing up for motherhood you inadvertently sign up for a lifetime of mind-boggling noise?  Clearly this is fine print I missed because I’m not sure I would have knowingly agreed to surrender all opportunities for peace and clarity of thought.  Oh man, last night at Wal-Mart my daughter screamed so loud that the whole store (I’m not kidding, the whole store) fell momentarily silent.  After a painfully long pause, a woman many aisles away cries out, “Well, I think we heard that alright.”  (Since it’s not the topic of this post, I will refrain from commenting on the kinds of feelings I had at a moment like this.  I’ll save that pitiful musing for another day, since I’m sure it will happen again.)

Anyway, how can SO much noise come out of such small packages?  I mean it’s like children are little atomic sound bombs that blow up with random frequency, leaving pain and destruction in their path.  And so, bedtime becomes the mecca of each day… the beloved treasure of the night.  I wish that I were better at using the quiet time to actually quiet my soul; I so need to be better at moments of worship when the silence finally comes.  I think that if I were more consistent at using this time for prayer, scripture study, and pondering, then I would do a better job of seeing the good in each day and have more strength to face the next morning. I’m curious; what works for you? (I know you’ll say it, but please don’t tell me to wake up before everyone else! It hurts just to think about it.)

UPDATE:  Since I published this post, I did find one way to help me with scripture study/devotional time.  After Natalie goes down for her nap, I sit at the kitchen table with the boys and set the timer for 30 minutes.  They can choose to read books or color pictures, but they know they need to be quiet because it’s “mommy’s scripture time.”  They do a pretty good job and I’m able to read and think a lot more than I expected I would, plus I love that they see me read my scriptures and know that it’s important to me.  Of course, like most of my great ideas, I struggle with consistency… but I’m trying.

(Saturday is last day  to vote for your favorite limerick.)

The Angry Mom sign

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So I’m suffering a little from post-vacation stress disorder.  The one where you come home and there aren’t doting relatives taking care of your children’s needs anymore, and as a result they have turned into little monsters, plus you are so angry that it’s snowing again that you could spit, and getting back into your old boring routine just bites.  Other than that though, things have really been alright.  Today was nuts, but despite the chaos, I feel good that I did manage to get a few things done.  I’ll share my greatest success in a minute (because it might just be something you could love too).  Anyway,  everytime for the last two days that I ask my children to do or not do something, I have recieved one of three responses:  1) They argue. “But, I just want to…”, 2) They whine.  “Nooooooo.  That’s not fair (each word becomes three syllables).”  or 3) They flat out disobey.  “Hmmph!”  (then proceeds to do what I just told them to stop).  So I’ve had enough of that.

When something does not make me happy, I make a sign.  Oh yeah?… Well, (scribble, scribble, grab tape, slap on wall) take that!” Here is what I made today, and affectionately call the “angry mom sign.”

angry-mom-sign

Like the angry eyes?  Whenever they started up, I just pointed to the kitchen wall and said, “Please read the angry mom sign!”  I don’t know if it worked or not, really, but it at least saved me from repeating the whole, “I am sick and tired…” speech.  It’s hard for me to count the number of times today I thought of this quote by Neal A. Maxwell:

“Like our faith, our patience is to be tried as well in order to be developed.”

And I am convinced that this is why Heavenly father saw fit to give me children.  I had totally unchallenged and undeveloped patience.  Except for particularly hard weeks on my mission in Argentina, or the year that I taught high school Spanish, my patience by and large had not been tested too much.  But then I became a mother.  And I think about my son’s kindergarten parent-teacher conference where Grant’s teacher told me “Continue to challenge him in these (such-and-such) areas,” and I can’t help but suspect that in my heavenly parent-teacher conferences, God is making similar plans for me– plans to challenge me in areas where I could stand to grow, even excel.  Especially in the area of patience.

So the good thing I got done today was making six pans of baked ziti for the monthly Make-ahead Meal Exchange I have at my house.  It’s awesome.  We get together and swap meals and walk away with 5 new dishes made by friends.  We eat a snack, share our recipes, and hang out and talk.  Let me know if this sounds remotely intriguing to you, and I’ll draft up a future post with all the details of how we make it work.

Don’t forget to vote for your favorite limerick.  I hid the results because I’m wicked and controlling like that, but there are several that are neck-to-neck for the lead.

So WHO’s the fool?

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The biggest mistake I made today was actually explaining to my children the gist of April Fool’s Day.  Clark said in the car after I finished, “So today’s the day that God doesn’t care if you tell a lie?”  Yep, you got it buddy.  The rest of the day I was tortured with, “Hey mom, guess what?  I hit a kid on the face at school today.  (giggle, grin. grin, giggle.)”

“Oh no! (calling down legions of angels to keep me from rolling my eyes)  Why would you do such a thing?!  (Feigned shock. Disapproval.)”

“April Fool’s, mom!  It was just a joke.”

I would write more, because believe you me– there are PLENTY of examples– but they were painful enough the first time around, and I’m guessing you’ve got the idea of how fun that was.   So as if all the excruciating and not-even-remotely-funny lying was not enough, they also played the best jokes they could come up with to trick people.

Picture this scene:

“Yay! Yay!  Daddy’s home!”  (screaming, jumping, asking for autographs, etc.) “Hey daddy, guess what?  Today’s April Fool’s Day.  We have some surprises for you.”  (more giggling.)  “Go change your clothes and then lie down in your bed for a nap and you just might feel something.”  (They all look at each other and smile oh so secretively.)  Even Natalie pipes up— actually she demands he pick her up then screams this enthusiastically about 3 inches from his face:  “Daddy.  APIL FOOOOOOOOL!  We play tricks on you!”

So good sport dad climbs into his bed to take a little after-work nap and wins an Oscar for his astonished dismay at finding a pile of jacks spread around his mattress.  Those little rascals.  They all bounce up and down cackling their guts out because they are so darn clever.

dscf1991Another example of their coy pranks was saying to Matt at one point, “Hey dad, come downstairs and walk in your office please.”  Clark added, “And Dad, if you see a pillow on top of a door, just walk in the door anyway, okay?”  I’m thinking that one of the wisest national security moves that President Obama could make would be to recruit my children into Al Qaida and then watch them act “covertly” and lead our military directly to the prime enemy targets.

Well, I had had enough of this amateur business, so I decided to show them how you really work some April Fool’s magic.  I don’t know if I’ve ever played pranks on this day before (I probably did, but nothing worth remembering), but the situation at our house was so pathetically dire that it demanded a little up-the-ante.  So when everyone was seated for dinner, I told them that I made them a very special April Fool’s dinner and they had to close their eyes.  This is a picture of their joyful shock when they realized we were having cupcakes for dinner:

dscf1992And then here are their faces when they realized that those cupcakes were not really cupcakes at all:dscf1993dscf19941dscf1995Behold my I-pity-the-fool masterpiece– meatloaf and mashed potatoes:

dscf1996Clark, who is half goat and will eat anything that is not currently alive, enjoyed his “cupcake.”

dscf1997But Grant, who will not eat anything he has not already eaten at least 7 times 70 times, was this fond of his meal:

dscf1998 I think a new tradition has been born.  So, how was your day?

p.s.  To vote for your favorite limerick, follow the link on the sidebar. Voting will close on Saturday night, afterwhich some lucky woman will recieve the Nobel Prize for Literature a spot on my sidebar and some chocolate.   So, rock the vote.  What are you waiting for? ————————————->

April Fools. Which limerick rules? (Ah, sweet poetry.)

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Okay, so we made the domain switch today to http://www.diapersanddivinity.com, so here’s hoping that worked fine.  If you’re reading this, you’ve obviously found me here.  Hooray!

Limericks.  The important business of the day.  It was so fun to read your entries as they came in.  You’ll have to go back to the comments to read through all of them, but here were some of the laugh-out-loud highlights for me:

  • Shantel’s son Porter showing his bum at Family Home Evening, and someone peeing on her in Sacrament meeting
  • Jen and the lady who’s kids are tossing cheerios at church
  • DeNae and her completely-off-topic, but nevertheless very noteworthy limerick
  • Marianne and the fear of FHE
  • InkMom’s awesome also-off-topic but very clever limerick about morning sickness
  • The Queen, because who can’t relate to your kids crawling all over you and dislocating your skirt at church?
  • Tay, with the Star Wars screaming, wiggly little one
  • Erin with the dreaded front row disaster
  • and Becca with the harried late arrival stories

Phenomenal, ladies.  You did me proud.  After much deliberation (and actually stressing myself out about picking my favorites but then reminding myself, “Steph, this is a dumb contest anyway.  No one cares about being on your sidebar, and they already have a stash of chocolate hidden on the top shelf of their corner kitchen cupboard (right?), so just get over it and pick a few you like!),” I chose the following finalists for the Diapers and Divinity Limerick Contest:

Because I can totally relate to the whole arriving late at church dilemma:  Becca —

We’re coming in five minutes too late,
in clothes that my children all hate.
They’re squirming and squawking,
the first speaker’s talking,
why must the front bench be my fate?

And because the concept of inside voices is totally foreign to my children, plus because her last line is awesome:  InkMom —

Inside voices sound just like air raids
When Sacrament silence still pervades.
Deacons pass water;
Kids muzzled by father;
Goldfish are Reverence’s band-aids.

Because she captured the universal frustration of family scripture study:  Jen —

Family scriptures – if we’re talking ideally –
Are meant to be spiritual. Really!
You say that you’re yelling?
The whole thing is smelling?
Then you’re just like the rest of us, clearly.

Because she clearly debates the same issues I do each time Family Home Evening rolls around:  Marianne —

Once again it’s time for FHE
My baby is crying for me
My husband is late
My 3 year old’s irate
How dare I turn off the TV?

And finally, because her Sacrament meeting scenario just made me laugh:  The Queen —

My twin girls climb all over the place;
Now my dress is undone to my waist.
I guess that’s why Bishop
Looks like he might throw up.
Wish this closing song had a quicker pace!

So pick your favorite in the poll below.  Please don’t feel the need to take this too seriously.  You can select more than one if you have multiple favorites, but you can’t vote for the same one multiple times.  And unless this contest is very, very important to you (?), don’t feel compelled to run a full-on internet campaign to collect votes.  🙂  I’ll close out the poll at the end of the week and announce the winner.  Thanks again everyone.  Fun times!

I have written a limerick below to share some of the joys of our trip home on the airplane today:

In the future I won’t arrive late,
Because the seats that are left are NOT great.
One kid’s on row 4.
One’s by the back door,
And the other is row 28.

“Would you mind sitting here on the aisle?”
They want to behead me, but smile.
So they all move around,
and we finally sit down.
This should be a fun 2000 miles.

The flight actually did go quite nicely,
Thanks to our electronic devices.
We’re home and I’m tired.
The kids are all wired.
And to do it again, I’d think twicely. 🙂