Monthly Archives: May 2009

General Conference Book Club Week 5: President Monson

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04_06_monsoHappy Mother’s Day!  This week we will study President Thomas S. Monson’s talk from the Sunday morning session of General Conference.  Did you get your Conference edition of the Ensign in the mail this week?!  Now we can carry it around with us and catch up on reading in the car, at the gym, etc.  Anyway, I’ve been accused by someone I love who shall remain nameless (cough, cough, Matt, cough), of being a little bit grumpy lately, so I figured maybe I should revisit President Monson’s message:  “Be of Good Cheer.”  I remember listening to it and feeling like I should be more grateful for the abundant blessings and relative ease of my life.  I’m looking forward to reading it again.  “Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith.”

If this is your first visit to the General Conference Book Club, click here to learn more about it. You’re welcome to join us at any point along the way.  Just like a New Year’s Resolution, I’ve noticed our comments have been waning on the GCBC posts from week to week, so let’s rally this week and share our insights as we read the words of our living prophet, seer, and revelator.

>>Click here to read “Be of Good Cheer” by President Thomas S. Monson<<

In the spirit of Mother’s Day, I also wanted to share part of a talk called “Choose the Good Part,” which was given exactly 25 years ago in the Spring General Conference by Elder Marvin J. Ashton.

“My personal definition of a good woman is any woman who is moving in the right direction. I humbly thank God constantly for their courage, strength, and commitment. Through you noble sisters, each in different circumstances in life, by your example, encouragement, conduct, and personal integrity, God’s work goes forward with greater purpose and accomplishment.  . . . Oh, how powerful are good women who choose the good part.”

“Sisters, do not allow yourselves to be made to feel inadequate or frustrated because you cannot do everything others seem to be accomplishing. Rather, each should assess her own situation, her own energy, and her own talents, and then choose the best way to mold her family into a team, a unit that works together and supports each other. Only you and your Father in Heaven know your needs, strengths, and desires. Around this knowledge your personal course must be charted and your choices made.” . . .

“Commune daily with your Heavenly Father who knows you best of all. He knows your talents, your strengths, and your weaknesses. You are here on the earth at this time to develop and refine these characteristics. I promise you He will help you. He is aware of your needs. He is aware of your unanswered prayers.” . . .

“God bless our valiant women . . . . You are choice in His […] eyes. We pray that with His help and our personal efforts happiness will be achieved. Certainly when we choose the good part, regardless of our current circumstances or situations, life will be lived to the fullest.”

Have a great Mother’s Day!  Don’t you dare get “mother guilt” when you listen to all those Mother’s Day talks and stuff.  🙂  You’re doing good work.

The scars of motherhood

Posted in Diapers by

droppedImageI currently have a black eye where Natalie threw her head back into my face while we were “cuddling” in my bed. And then yesterday I got a fat lip when my over-dramatic reading of Quiet and Loud startled Clark enough that he popped me in the mouth with the board book in his other hand.

Both events were followed by lots of “sorry, mommy” and me trying not to be anger-management poster-mom.

I saw that NBC is starting a new reality-competition show called America’s Toughest Jobs. I believe that they’re challenging people to do dangerous occupations like Alaskan crab fishing, trucking, bullfighting, logging, etc. I dare them to come spend a week in my house and see how long they last. In my opinion, you don’t have to do much more than roll out of your own bed (at 5 a.m.) to find America’s toughest job. Ouch.

What’s the biggest hit you’ve taken for motherhood?

(This entry was originally posted August 25, 2008.  I’m trying to recreate my lost archives.)

Women’s Conference chapter 2 and a half: Integrity, continued.

Posted in Divinity by

integrity As promised, here is a smattering of notes from the Women’s Conference class entitled “Till I die I will not remove mine integrity from me,”  taught by Shelley Heiner and James L. Toone. Please excuse that this post is just a collection of my notes, and they are not particularly cohesive.  Hopefully you can peacefully hop from principle to principle.

Integrity comes from the same base as words like interger, and means entire and whole.  It is doing what’s right.  Integrity is the difference between what you have a right to do and what is right to do.

The title of the class comes from the story of Job in the Old Testament:

1:21 And said, Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.

27:5-6  God forbid that I should justify you: till I die I will not remove mine integrity from me. My righteousness I hold fast, and will not let it go: my heart shall not reproach me so long as I live.

People with integrity:

  1. Have a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ
  2. Understand who God is and our relationship with Him
  3. Keep covenants.  (She told the story of a girlfriend who was driving alone in her car and a questionable song came on the radio.  There were no children in the car, just her, by herself.  She wondered if she should bother turning it off and this phrase from the Sacrament prayer came into her mind, “Always remember Him.”  She knew that part of her covenants meant doing what was right even when no one was watching.)

Moroni 7:15-16:

15 For behold, my brethren, it is given unto you to judge, that ye may know good from evil; and the way to judge is as plain, that ye may know with a perfect knowledge, as the daylight is from the dark night.

16 For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God.
The rewards of integrity are:
  1. Inner peace.
  2. absence of guilt/anxiety from sin
  3. confidence
  4. constant companionship of the Holy Ghost
Proverbs 11:3: The integrity of the upright shall guide them…
As mothers we must promote integrity and teach why it’s important.  In the Book of Mormon, there are many examples of generations that choose evil because of “the traditions of their fathers.”  They can also be influenced by righteous traditions.  (I thought of the young warriors in the Army of Helaman.) We must show a model of integrity for our children.  We must honor covenants and promises.


I loved a quote she shared by Elder Ballard, but I haven’t been able to find it.  It basically said that in this crazy world, it is nearly impossible for children to find their way without a good example.
—
Bro. Toone said that integrity is “an intangible, essential gift of God.”  He serves as a branch president in the Missionary Training Center with the ESL missionaries.  He told several stories of the integrity of these humble servants of the Lord.  He spoke about Elder Palanite who left a small island in Tonga to serve a mission and he was disowned by his family for doing so.  As he pulled away in a boat, he saw his father show up on the shore.  This young elder waved and waved and waved until he went over the horizon, but his father never looked up or acknowledged him.  He told President Toone that he hoped his father would come to understand why he was doing what he is doing.  “President,” he said, “I just want to show the Lord that I am obedient.”  He told many other great stories of missionaries of integrity.  He said that many of them, like the 2,000 stripling warriors learn from “mothers who knew.”


He also told the story of an elderly woman in Canada who was dying and had been lying unconscious for quite a while as her son waited by her bedside.  She awoke suddenly and directed him to get her purse.  She wrote out a tithing check and made her son promise to give it to the bishop tomorrow after her pension check had been deposited, since she may not be here to do it herself.  She passed away that evening, a true example of “until I die, I will not remove my integrity from me.”


A woman of integrity embodies the 13th Article of Faith:
We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul—We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.

Women’s Conference chapter 2: Integrity

Posted in Diapers, Divinity by

I want to share my notes from a class called, “Till I die, I will not remove mine integrity from me.”

Before I do though, wow, did I get a lot more chatter on that home organization post than I expected!  It was great.  There are two afterthoughts I’d like to add on to that post:

  1. That particular class was more practical in nature than spiritual, thought it obviously had some spiritual underpinnings and spiritual applications.  Two different speakers basically presented in a “here are some things that have worked for me” attitude.  The things I included in my notes were simply things that I thought might work in my family, or at very least, were worth remembering and trying.  Trying to implement them all, especially all at once, would probably lead to certain death.  I just thought there were many good ideas.
  2. celestialroom2I need to make a confession.  A couple weeks ago, for the General Conference Book Club, I planned on doing that talk about the “temple home,” but when I read the part about your home being clean and orderly, I immediately disqualified it, because as I told my friend, “I just wasn’t ready for that yet.”  I didn’t want the guilt, and I needed to come to better terms with what realistic expectations are for myself and my own situation. 

    So I’ve given it quite a bit of thought, and I’ve decided that it would take some kind of heartless, robotic mother to keep her home in temple condition around the clock.  However, I’ve also felt that if we approach our housekeeping as an extension of our covenants and with the desire to make our home a welcome dwelling place for the Spirit, and if we go about our duties with that kind of purpose in mind (recognizing the work as a symbol of our Savior’s mission and also as a service to the spiritual development of our children), I think we’re in a good place.  Then it becomes like what I’m realizing a LOT of the gospel is about:  a PROCESS.  And what we become as we try is much more important than actually achieving a playroom that looks like the celestial room. 🙂 

    As I thought about that, I got a new insight into the whole Mary and Martha story.  Martha’s mistake was not trying to clean up her home after dinner, it was simply missing the whole point of doing it in the first place.  We do all that cleaning and organizing, etc. in an attempt to make our homes a place where the Spirit of the Lord can dwell, but He was already THERE.  In person.  She had already made a marymarthaplace where He felt comfortable and welcome, so she needed to LET IT GO, sit down, and just listen to Him teach.  We need to do that, too.  Pause from all our DOING, and make time for more LISTENING.  He doesn’t want a perfect home; He just wants to know you want Him to drop in.   Hope that makes sense.





So, um, yeah, how ’bout we actually learn a little something about the title of this post?  The first speaker told a story about how she was shocked when one of her 7-year-old daughter’s friends invited her to a play date and then the girl’s mother nonchalantly explained that they lived in a “clothing-optional” community, and would that be a problem?  More shocking to her than the actual question was the fact that she was now going to have to have a conversation with her second-grade daughter about why clothing was not optional in their family.  We have to start early to explain what we believe and why we choose the right even when others do not share, understand, nor applaud our choice.

You know what?  This post is getting too long too fast, and I need to go to bed!  Let’s chew on that home organizing stuff for one more day, and let your brains think about what this — my favorite Young Women’s Value (Integrity) — means to you:  “I will have the moral courage to make my actions consistent with my knowledge of right and wrong.”  I’ll finish up what I learned from the class, and we’ll discuss.  See you tomorrow night.

Women’s Conference report, chapter 1: All Things in Order

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messySo… I’m not the most put-together person in the world.  I did do seven loads of laundry today, loaded and unloaded the dishwasher, helped my kids write books, made 3 meals (if opening cereal boxes counts as “making” for one of them), and began some make-ahead-meals as well, but I also stayed in my pajamas all day and never left the house.  When I woke up this morning, I felt overwhelmed by a huge, existential to-do list floating around in my mind.  I might need a little order in my life.

When I left for Women’s Conference last week, Matt made the fatal mistake of informing me of his grandiose plans in my absence.  He said something like this (I can’t remember the details because I felt fire in my brain): “While you’re gone I’m going to go around and de-clutter this whole house.  I’m sick of all the clutter.  I’m going to go from room to room to room and go through all the piles of junk and throw stuff away and put things in the right place.  Don’t worry, I won’t throw away anything that has writing on it.”  I would like to add that this comment came after I spent most of the day trying to get everything picked up and ready for me to leave.  Now, I need to confess that I know he was thinking he was saying something like “I’m going to try hard to do you a huge favor and you will be so proud of me,” but he didn’t understand that I heard, “I’m going to do everything you do everyday, plus oh so much more,” and that I wanted to shove Battleship game pieces under his toenails.

So I think you would have to concede that it took great introspection and humility for me to choose to attend a class at Women’s Conference called, “Let all these things be done in order: Creating a climate of joy and order,” taught by Marjean Weiler ans Sue Williams.  If you will promise to NOT share this with Matt, I will tell you some of things I learned there.

  1. The temple is a model/shadow of how to run our home.  Our covenants are instruction for success.  (D&C 88:119)
  2. Break down projects into steps.  Write each step down.  Put the steps on your calendar.  Approach each step with prayer.
  3. Write down promptings and inspiration, then do them.
  4. Establish routines/patterns.  Tie a new routine to an established one. (For example, you already brush your teeth every night.  Tie journal-writing to that routine and do one after the other until they are both a habit.)
  5. Set aside the same time everyday to deal with paperwork (kids’ school papers + mail, etc.).  Have one place to collect ALL paperwork.  Replace piles with files. (Use general category labels and then subdivide as necessary.  Example:  Medical.  … may later become insurance, bills, prescriptions, etc.)  Write action items on calendar and then throw papers away.
  6. Keep papers and pens (that work!) or a whiteboard near the phone.  Transfer items to calendar.
  7. Use drawer dividers to organize junk or messy drawers. Even boxes from food, etc. can be used as drawer dividers.
  8. Finish tasks.  Don’t “deal with it later.”
  9. In failing to plan, we lose sight of our eternal destiny.
  10. How to balance life’s demands (from Elder Ballard):
    • Set your priorities.  Keep covenants in mind as you make daily plans.
    • Set short-term goals.
    • Measure carefully your needs vs. your wants.
    • Stay close to spouse, children.
    • Study the scriptures.
    • Make time for sufficient rest, exercise, and relaxation.
    • Teach one another the gospel.
  11. Prayerfully pick ONE thing to work on.
  12. How to get started:
    • Make a list of the things around your house that frustrate you the most (towels on floor, meal planning, etc.)  Write it down, and start with the one that bugs you the most.  The speaker mentioned meal planning and talked about a simple rule she follows:  Know what you’re going to eat at ten. Dinner has to be planned out by 10:00 a.m. or 10:00 p.m. the previous night.  Takes stress away from crazy afternoon time.
    • Make the trash can your best friend.  You won’t miss it.  Put stuff in there and RUN before you children see their “favorite McDonald’s toy ever.”
    • Use a calendar and always keep it in the same place.  Go over the calendar each week, maybe at FHE with whole family.
    • Start small, but start.  If you want to declutter an area, use three bins:  Trash, Keep, Donate.  Run to trash.  Put donate stuff in trunk right away.  Organize “keep” stuff into right place.
    • Make it a team effort.  Get help from family.

Feel free to judge me because I mostly took notes on areas in which I need improvement.  Those of you who do not have a D+ in home organization can just ignore this post and tune in tomorrow as we visit another chapter of “What Stephanie learned in Women’s Conference.”  I apologize to those of you who find this kind of stuff tedious or completley uninteresting, but it does me good to review my notes and record what I learned in a “permanent” kind of way.  Humor me.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a pile of about 7-days-worth of mail to tackle.

p.s.  Matt did a great job with the kids and the house while I was gone, but I’m sure you’ll understand my secret joy that his “project” could not come to fruition with all the demands of the children and such.