It’s a good thing I’m so educated.

I have a master’s degree.

However.

This is an actual conversation I had with a 16-year old employee at the drive-thru window of a local fast-food restaurant.

“You can order whenever you’re ready.”

“Hi. Yes, I’d like one twist ice cream cone, but do you have one that’s smaller than the large?”

“We have a small.”

“Oh, okay.  I’d like a small please.”

“Is that it?”

“Yep.  That’s all.”

“Okay, your total will be $1.92 please.”

“Um, does the small cone cost more than the large cone?”

“No, they’re the same price.”

“Well, the big banner out front says the large cone is $1.00.”

“Right.  The large is $1.00 on special, and the small is $1.00.”

“But you said my total was $1.92.”

“No, I said ‘$1.00. Lane 2 please.'”

“Oooh. (nervous laugh) Sorry, I guess I misunderstood you.”

A few minutes later, the girl came wandering back to my place in line and took my dollar and gave me the ice cream cone.

As I drove away, I realized I never did go get in Lane 2.

I hope Grant appreciated that stupid ice cream cone.

And I really hope that I’m smart again when I get resurrected.

What kind of blog is this anyway?

I get a fair amount of spam comments on this blog.  In fact, I probably get more spam than I get real comments.  Let me check. Yep, totally.   28,956 vs. 6,872.  Wow.  (WordPress has an awesome spam filter.) A couple have jumped out at me lately.  Besides the fact that most of them are ridiculously-translated, nonsensical comments trying to redirect me and my readers to their trashy website, sometimes I wonder how they ever expected anyone to click on their link anyway.  Check out a couple of my favorite recent spam comments:

Yeast infection for you! it the best thing that can happen to you

asinine hazy idea, grace! thanks. i look out for number one.

In the beginning just remember it was darked and then someone smiled! try this:You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you! :)

Um, wow.  What inviting comments.  Can’t wait to “meet” those folks. <—sarcasm

Then there are things that “regular” people are looking for.  These are things that actual people have typed into Google or other search engines that have somehow landed them on my blog.  While it’s sometimes hilarious to see what people are looking for, it’s slightly unnerving to realize that something about my blog and its content has selected it as an answer to their search.  And they clicked on it.  I can only wonder how helpful or disappointing their visit was.  I mean, seriously, look at this list.  What does this say about me?

angry mom

example of urology limerick poem

weird monkey transformation

boogers bedroom

baby terrorist

an angel measuring something

old lady diapers

kidney leisure ultrasound

what do ships, railways, mines, cars, and government exist

you lover her not me quotes

self help books internet addiction

my husband wears the worst jeans

Apparently, I’m not nearly as classy as I thought I was.

What are some of the funniest comments or searches you’ve seen come across your blog?

And p.s…. Any volunteers for Find-A-Friend Friday this week?  I haven’t heard back from my randomly selected guest, so I need a back up.  First come first, first serve.  Thanks!

Snippets

Today’s post is a random mish-mash of thoughts and announcements and such.

Most importantly, we found out on Saturday that Matt passed the Bar exam.  I can’t begin to express what a hallelujah moment that was for us.  I was dreading gearing up for single parenting again if he didn’t pass, and I did. not. want to.   I mean, it’s been a looong road.  Here’s what our boys looked like when we started the law school journey.

Then, once we’d moved, started school, and Matt was in his first semester of law school taking finals, Natalie was born.

And now, we’re finally done.  Look how our family has grown up (and grown old) since then.  Can’t believe how the days and weeks can be so long, but the months and years just fly past.

Anyway, congrats to Matt and hooray for me.  🙂

—–

Natalie’s been taking medications for a long time.  Prescriptions are part of our daily routine.  She hates medicine, and every day it’s a bit of a battle.  She actually has a sinus infection this week, so there are even more prescriptions.  She cries and doesn’t want to take her medicine because she’s too cold or feels yucky, and I try to tell her that’s why she needs the medicine.  It will help her fever and help her feel better.  She still hates it.  Today I pulled the medicines out of the cupboard and I saw her sneak from the room out of the corner of my eye.  I called her again and again.  No answer.  Finally I found her in the office hiding behind the couch.  I thought how funny it is that she tries to hide from what’s going to help her get better.  That made me think of this quote from general conference and realize that we’re all as silly as Natalie in some ways.

“Sometimes we want to have growth without challenges and to develop strength without any struggle. But growth cannot come by taking the easy way. . . .  We must be careful that we don’t resent the very things that help us put on the divine nature.”  –Elder Paul V. Johnson

—–

I can’t really explain this, but lately I’ve had an increased sensitivity to the elderly.  Maybe it’s because Matt’s grandma stayed with us for a little over a month while her husband was in the hospital.  I don’t know, but I’ve just noticed them more around me, and my heart has been drawn out to them.  I imagine that they have great wisdom from life’s experiences and probably many family members and happy memories.  But I wonder how much they struggle with loneliness or sickness, mourn the loss of spouse or loved ones, as well as the loss of their own strength, health and maybe independence.  Yesterday as I left the pharmacy, I saw a man who used to be my Stake president 18 years ago at BYU.  He set me apart for my mission.  One time he called me up out of the audience to bear my testimony at Stake Conference.  He also taught a mission prep class that I attended.  I greeted him, introduced myself and said hello, but as I got back into my van, I had a surge of those memories and I felt a wave of emotion and gratitude.  I wished I’d told him he was an important part of a really developmental stage of my life and my testimony.  I saw him as an 80 year old man now, much thinner and more frail, carrying away a prescription that was probably for him or maybe his ailing wife, and I thought, “maybe he doesn’t know what a great life he has lived and shared.”  I went home and looked him up on whitepages.com and found an address for him.  So I wrote him a letter, and it felt so great, and I hope it will somehow give him a little bit of joy.  Anyway, I’m not telling that story because I want you to think that I did some great thing; I just had a strong feeling and the thought that I should share it, so I did.  But maybe you know someone older whose day could be brightened by a note, a phone call or a visit.  Your kids can help too.  I don’t really know my point, but it’s just been on my mind lately.

—-

I have a cousin who suffers from chronic migraines.  Matt asked about her the other night at the dinner table, so then my children were curious about her.  We explained that she’s had a really bad headache for literally years.  Grant was shocked and cried out, “Why?!!  Are her kids really annoying?”  I thought that was so funny.  I told her about it and we had a good laugh.  She assured me that if that were the real problem, they would have been gone long ago.  🙂  It also reveals a lot about what Grant understands about their behavior and my well-being.  Smart little whipper-snapper.

The wisdom of an immature mind

My daughter Natalie is a 4-year-old genius.  (Doesn’t she look great in my glasses?) She’s like a grown-up, intelligent woman in a little tiny body . . . assuming that the grown-up, intelligent woman pees her pants a lot and screams like she’s being axe-murdered when her socks “feel funny.”  Anyway.  I was looking through some old abandoned drafts and I found this comment that Natalie made to me one morning.  It wasn’t just any morning.  It was one of those mornings where you’ve decided to give up before the sun even rises.  I think I actually crawled back into bed and told her that I’d decided to stay in bed all day and hide.  She bellowed with great sincerity:  “Nooooo.  We love you.  We want you to get up every day.”  I have to admit, it made me feel better, and I (mostly) recovered and survived the day.

This past Sunday, I arrived at church in a tizzy because I don’t care if we had church at 6:45 p.m., we would still be scrambling to get out the door on time.  It’s pathetic.  And in this case, I was pretty convinced that our family was hopeless, and that I was destined to be the lone, unappreciated crusader to get my family out the door and to church on time without missing any major articles of clothing.  I was annoyed.  During sacrament meeting, the hymns and prayers and sacrament began to cool me down (as they are designed to do), and at some point Natalie leaned over and whispered to Matt, “Daddies don’t have diamonds in their rings because they don’t make dinner.”

I love that girl.

That’s all.  Carry on.

The season where dreams (almost) come true

A week or so ago, we were on our way home from a family outing and decided to eat out because it would be too late by the time I got dinner ready at home.  We stopped at a Chinese buffet.  Is it weird that except for when I actually lived in China, I don’t think I’ve ever been to a Chinese buffet before?

Anyway, I wasn’t very impressed, but my children pigged out to an embarrassing level (Matt gave them free reign of the dessert buffet.).  Then they each got a fortune cookie as we were finishing up.  Grant opened his and started jumping up and down for joy.  He started yelling, “Yes!  I’m going to Disneyland!”  He was SO excited.  Matt and I looked at each other quizzically and I asked him for his fortune paper.  A close look revealed the following fortune:

“You will soon be traveling to a distant land.”

His hasty reading had an unfortunately over-abundant translation.

I tried to comfort him by reminding him that he had just consumed more desserts than children in most third-world countries get in a year.  Somehow that wasn’t quite as magical to him.

Personally, I think it was a nice introduction to the season where Santa politely says no to most of the things on his Christmas list anyway.  🙂

(For those of you who missed it, please join us in the  12 days of Christmas challenge! Random acts of kindness daily until Christmas. Today’s the “2nd day of Christmas.”  Click here or on the button on the sidebar for more information.)