Why I lay awake at night worrying about my book

[photo credit: image from tumbler.com, quote from Charlie Brown/Charles Schulz]

 

My biggest fear is that people will think:

Author about motherhood = Expert on motherhood

Promise me you don’t/won’t think that.

Just in the last 24 hours, I almost cried when I walked around my house and realized that all the hard work I did with my children a couple days ago has been completely undone, and probably made worse than when we started.

My status today on Facebook was: This morning I made my three children repeat together three times, “Yes Mother, right away.” I figure if it works in North Korea, I should give it a try.

And in an email to a dear friend, I wrote this: The kids are always hilarious. Unfortunately they are also completely unresponsive to any of my wishes, which seriously led me to consider running away at about 7:53 pm last night, but then I realized it would be incredibly embarrassing to publish a book on motherhood and then promote it while in exile.

So, yeah. I’m just trying to be as real as I possibly can. Some days I feel like a fraud, and then my (bad) inner voice says, “Who do you think you are? You’re a mess!”

And then I think about President Uchtdorf when he said, “Stop It!,” and then he said,

“We simply have to stop judging others [ourselves] and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children.”

So that’s what I’m working on today. That, and gratitude, because really, being thankful is a huge healer that can cover whatever seems wrong (and there is so much to be grateful for).

What are you working on today?

GCBC Week 13: “Perfect Love Casteth Out Fear” by Elder L. Tom Perry

Merry Christmas.  This week we will be studying Elder Perry’s talk about having the courage to bear testimony and help people understand who we are.  After spending the last while reflecting on the gifts we’ve received from the Savior, this talk seems a perfect way to consider how to give a gift to Him— by sharing His gospel.  If you remember, he spoke about how we do temple open houses to invite people who are unfamiliar with the Church to learn more about it.  He then teaches us to use the same model as we share information with others.

Perfect Love Casteth Out Fear by Elder L. Tom Perry

“There are a number of things that we can do—that you can do—to advance an understanding of the Church. If we do it with the same spirit and if we conduct ourselves in the same way we do when we host a temple open house, our friends and our neighbors will come to understand us better. Their suspicions will evaporate, negative stereotypes will disappear, and they will begin to understand the Church as it really is.”

What about this talk stood out to you? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

To anyone who is checking out GCBC for the first time, the goal is to read one General Conference talk a week and discuss it together as an on-line “book club.” If you want to learn more, go here, and join the discussion.

The faith and fear theory: I beg to differ.

We moved two weeks ago.  Two weeks seems like nothing and forever at the same time.  Matt is at his new job; he likes it.  My boys will be home from school soon.  Natalie is watching Maggie and the Ferocious Beast (it’s a preschool cartoon), and I’ve been hanging out at the computer desk for longer than I should have today.  The last 12 days or so have been a frenzy of unpacking boxes and putting every thing in its new place.  Somehow during this same time, the boys convinced Matt that they needed to buy some guinea pigs since they had to leave their beloved fish, Colors, behind in Minnesota.  Don’t ask me how I feel about the new pets.

My bedroom is the last room to unpack, except for some “storage” boxes in the basement.  I can’t bring myself to do it; I’ve been avoiding those last dozen boxes or so for about 3 days.  At first I thought it was because I was just feeling tired and a little bit lazy, and who likes to organize a closet anyway? (I know some of you might actually like that kind of thing, and all I can say about that is:  How much do you charge?)  However, after a little bit of gloom today and a little bit of reflection, it dawned on me:

I don’t want to finish unpacking because then I live here.  Really live here.

And then I realized that the thought terrifies me a little bit.  That seems ridiculous because, hello, I’m already here, but everything happened so fast.  I’m not sure I ever really got a chance to process it all.  I think I might be afraid. Continue reading

Jumping in

Sometimes, even when you know something is the right thing to do, it’s hard to step forward.  Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in anxieties and the possibility of worst-case scenarios.  Sometimes you can start a journey with confidence, but a few steps in, you find yourself dragging your feet and looking back over your shoulder.  Sometimes faith and courage don’t come as easy as you thought they would.

Sometimes you’ve got to close your eyes, feel it deep, and just jump in.

“Somewhere in your quest for spiritual knowledge, there is that ‘leap of faith,’ as the philosophers call it. It is the moment when you have gone to the edge of the light and stepped into the darkness to discover that the way is lighted ahead for just a footstep or two.”  ~ Elder Boyd K. Packer

“Beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now…  Face your doubts. Master your fears. ‘Cast not away therefore your confidence.’ Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you.” ~ Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

I can do this.

Right?