Moms don’t get a lot of feedback. And results are often delayed. So, it’s great every once in a while when you get an indication that something you’re doing might just be working.
Since I heard Sister Beck’s talk in May about intentional parenting, I felt really strongly that I needed to establish some routines in our home that would help me to achieve the goals I have for my children. Matt and I sat down and thought about what kinds of things we wanted our kids to know and do and be. And then I built them into a weekly schedule. (Just a loose schedule, to make sure that every goal-related thing happens at least once in a week.) Wednesday mornings are for service. I just really want my kids to grow up thinking about others and trying to show love. I taught high school, so I’m particularly annoyed by the arrogant, self-centered entitlement that seems to be the norm among many teenagers (and now adults). Anyway, on Wednesdays, after they finish their chore, we try to think of something nice we can do for someone else that day.
Today, we had to go to the grocery store for milk, so we decided to buy some flowers and take them to someone. I dropped off the flowers where the person worked and Grant and Natalie came with me. Clark stayed home with his great grandmother who is visiting from Utah. The receptionist took our flowers and card, and then offered my children a balloon. They both accepted it and then Grant said, “Can I have one more balloon please? I have another brother, but he stayed home with my grandma.” So with three balloons in hand, we walked back to the car.
Grant was happy, and he asked, “Mom, are you glad I got a balloon for Clark, too?”
I said, “Yes, that was very thoughtful of you. And kind.”
“And service?” he asked.
“Yep, Grant, you did service.”
And I felt like our little efforts meant something, and were making something happen inside my children. It’s just another testimony to me that when you feel prompted to do something, and you do it, the blessings come. In many, many cases the results are not visible for a long time. Motherhood, after all, is “creation in slow motion,” but it’s sure nice to get those little glimpses of success every once in a while.
Give me a break. Summer’s busy. I know I’ve been promising this post since May, and I’m just proud I’m finally actually getting around to it. Trust me, a finished project is a victory no matter the delay.
I attended Women’s Conference at Brigham Young University in May, and while I learned many things that were great and uplifting, the highlight for me was the talk given by Sister Julie Beck, General Relief Society President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I know my personal opinion has no bearing on the efficacy of her teachings, but I really like Sister Beck. She is spunky, kind, and speaks truth without fear. Plus (with all due respect) she is the first General Relief Society President in generations that has dared to not have this haircut:
Isn’t she lovely?
Anyway, when I heard her talk, and it affected me the way that it did, I thought to myself, “This is why I came.” She did not say anything that I have not heard taught before, but the cohesiveness and clarity of her message brought me a deeper insight in the doctrine of the family, and a greater understanding of my practical role in it. Loved her talk. (Here is a link to watch her whole talk, entitled “Nourishing and Protecting Home and Family.” It is worth watching.)
From, my notes, here are some highlights:
There are three things that she has felt strongly that women need to do to fulfill their divine role:
Increase faith and personal righteousness.
Strengthen family and homes.
Seek out and help those with needs.
She focused her talk on the doctrine of the family: The Doctrine of family is defined in the Proclamation on the family.
The Plan of Salvation includes the theology of family, as seen in the 3 pillars of the gospel of Jesus Christ:
The Creation– families were formed under God’s direction
The Fall– provided means for family to grow and develop faith
The Atonement– opportunity for eternal growth and restoration.
Marriage is ordained of God, an order of the Priesthood, and necessary to see the face of God and live.
The natures of male and female spirits complete each other.
Both are needed to bring and raise children.
Some scriptural examples of the doctrine of the family and threats to it:
Doctrine and Covenants 2: This is the 1st revelation (chronologically) included in the Doctrine and Covenants; it points to the temple.
Ephesians 6:12 We wrestle against spiritual wickedness (“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”)
Alma, chapter 1: Nehor started the doctrine about “me”– this philosophy is a threat to the family that is about “us/we.”
Alma, chapter 30: Korihor, the “anti-Christ” repeated many of these same philosophies. He was not original or clever; these doctrines were pirated from Satan and other failed leaders.
Anti-Christ principles are always anti-family, and, likewise, anti-family principles are always anti-Christ.
She quoted Spencer W. Kimball, who boldly declared the doctrine as it pertained to traditional family vs. non-traditional families (talk worth reading):
“… Many of the social restraints which in the past have helped to reinforce and to shore up the family are dissolving and disappearing. The time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us.”
We must preserve our families against gathering evil. We must focus on and prepare our families for blessings of eternal life.
We have to be intentional about everything we do. (This is the part that stood out to me so much, and I felt a strong pull to pay attention to this and apply it in my own life.)
She told a story about her father and her mother sitting down during their honeymoon and setting goals for their family and for their children. What did they want them to accomplish? They made intentional steps to work toward temples, missions, education, work, etc., and then they used those goals to develop the culture of their family. They created a “Personalized Family Plan.”
She reminded us that the commandment to bear children is still a commandment, and that we are still in the “business of creation.”
She touched upon the plague of pornography and stated that she has pondered much about this problem and tried to understand what the role of the women of the Church is in this challenge, and said that her clear impression has been: “Fight! Fight pornography and defend our homes.” I wish I convey the spirit in which she made that challenge and how moving it was. It actually brought much of the audience to spontaneous applause.
The following were some of her concluding suggestions and reminders to consider as we become intentional parents in gospel-based homes:
Limit activities, and use time to teach. Talk, teach, ask questions.
Family Home Evening is so important– interruptions should be avoided. We must prepare our families for the challenges to come.
Sacrifice your life (mom) for their good.
You can’t drive them or force them. Only correct in kindness and love, and persuasion. Make homes based on love.
Husbands need to be loved also. (D&C 25) Be a comfort, show meekness, create a climate of charity, faith and hope.
Seek for and qualify for the voice of the Spirit everyday. This (motherhood) is a faith-based work. We must call upon our faith– faith in who we are, where we came from, and what we’re called to do.
In Moses 5:10-13, Adam and Eve review the blessings of mortality:
10 And in that day Adam blessed God and was filled, and began to prophesy concerning all the families of the earth, saying: Blessed be the name of God, for because of my transgression my eyes are opened, and in this life I shall have joy, and again in the flesh I shall see God.
11 And Eve, his wife, heard all these things and was glad, saying: Were it not for our transgression we never should have had seed, and never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient.
12 And Adam and Eve blessed the name of God, and they made all things known unto their sons and their daughters.
What else can I say? I felt so inspired by this talk, like it was a call to battle. It made me want to rise up and do better, be better. I know that our roles as mothers is so important, and our power and influence will be needed more and more as the world tries to destroy the faith we hold dear.
This video is from a different, previous talk by Sister Beck entitled “Mothers Who Know,” with clips set to pictures and music. It further solidifies the divine role of mothers. Hope you find its message as inspirational as I did. (It describes an ideal mother. None of us are ideal, but it sets a standard to strive for, not a measuring stick for guilt.)
Mom guts just know stuff. Natalie suddenly cried out during church on Sunday that her hand hurt. She wouldn’t stop crying about it, so Matt had to take her out into the hall. Strangely, she was still fussy and even cried about going into nursery, so I told them to come find me if she didn’t seem to settle down. I was meeting in another room about 40 minutes later when I heard Natalie crying in the hallway. I stepped out and the Bishop told me that Matt was looking for me and Natalie was not well. We played that ridiculous circle the halls and not find each other game for a little while and finally met up in the corner of the building. Matt said, “Natalie has a fever and she needs to go home.” She didn’t look good and she had tremors going on, and I said, “Something’s not right.” I took her and started asking for directions to the nearest Urgent Care and headed out immediately. She was hot and listless, and I felt scared. I know most people don’t react to fever like I do, but when you’ve spent 3 days in Pediatric Intensive Care with a son who had a series of violent seizures that they concluded were somehow related to a (low) fever, you respond a little differently.
So with my eyes glued carefully to the rear-view mirror, I drove quickly and said prayers in my mind. I took Natalie out of the car and noticed she was quite hot. I checked her in and the nurses asked all their regular questions, and I knew that I did not land on their “must be seen quickly” list by their reaction to my description. I added, “I just know something is not right.” We waited for about 15 minutes or so before Natalie started crying out again. She threw up all over her lap and mine. I sat stunned, not knowing where to move or what to do next. (As a side note, one minor lesson I learned is that God has a sense of humor. When I was feeling really nervous about EFY and my new church assignment, I went out and bought a $100 skirt because I liked it, it fit me well, and it gave me confidence. I never spend that kind of money on an article of clothing, much less something that’s dry-clean only. I knew it was a frivolous purchase, but I bought it anyway. I was wearing it on Sunday. Ha ha, sigh.) A nice man brought me a garbage can and I threw her tights away after I used the dry half of them to wipe us off a little. After that, she fell asleep with her steamy little head on my chest. When she stirred for a while, I was able to get a small hospital gown and change her out of her soiled dress.
I sat holding her for a long time after they checked her vitals. The rise and fall of her hot little body up against mine made me feel a tight bond to her; her health was just as much a part of me as my own. My mother’s mind went through all the worse-case scenarios, and I mourned each one and ached for her. I sometimes have days where I fantasize about spending some nice quiet time away from my children for a while, but in that moment, I had a strong impression that gave me a new awareness. I realized that I would rather be there in that Urgent Care room, covered in vomit, with her than be anywhere else in the world, including a beautiful white and sunny beachfront without her. I would not trade the love I feel for her for any of the “freedom” my life might be without her. God gently reminded me how much I need my children.
When we were able to see a nurse and then the doctor, it was determined her fever was 102.5, but there seemed to be no other symptoms of sickness… minus the obvious puke residue. She tested negative for strep and didn’t respond to a body exam with any expressions of pain, so they determined it was probably just a mean virus and I should keep her hydrated and try to control the fever. The next 24 hours were spent alternating Tylenol and Ibuprofen, but the fever wasn’t dropping much below 103. I called her primary care doctor’s office, and other than lowering her fever, they didn’t seem too concerned and gave me the option of coming in or not. I questioned myself back and forth the rest of the day, but felt like I wanted more tests dones. They saw her in the afternoon and tested her blood and urine, and ran an influenza test. Everything looked okay, so they increased my doses and frequency of the Tylenol and Motrin and sent me on my way again.
Today the doctor called back and said that Natalie has a bad urinary tract infection. Apparently her urine culture grew over 50,000 units of bacteria overnight? Maybe you medical types will scoff at that, but it sounded scary to me. I’m just glad to know what is wrong. I’m glad I followed my gut and kept pushing for more testing. I’m glad I didn’t just “wait out the virus” for the next several days because her kidneys could have developed toxins, and the fever would NOT have gone away on its own. Moms just know sometimes, even when they don’t really know. Sure love that girl.
My birthday is over. You people are awesome. I now have to figure out a way to burn about 4,327 calories. Oh, the brutal gluttony. I’ll do the giveaway drawing this weekend when I calculate the Haiku winners, too. (If you got so wrapped up in the joy of wishing me a happy birthday and telling me about yourself that you forgot to actually enter the computer game giveaway, go back there and enlist yourself in the drawing . . . if you meant to in the first place.)
Excuse me while I write down a few things that I need to print out and hang on my forehead for tomorrow.
1. No. (answer to the question, “Can I have a snack?”)
2. No. (answer the question, “Can I watch a TV show?”)
3. Not yet. (answer to the question, “Can we go to the swimming pool now?”)
For the record, sometimes the answer to those questions is “YES,” but just not when they’re asking over and over and over again.
And this may seem random, but it’s been on my mind a lot lately. Why do we so often assume that we are not worthy of greatness? Elder Maxwell always talked about “not shrinking,” and I think we moms do it way too much. We kind of crawl into spiritual fetal position instead of spreading our spiritual wings. I wish we were better at claiming and embracing how great we are. Marianne Williamson wrote:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.
We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us;
It’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we’re liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.
So shine on, ladies, and don’t be afraid to be as good as you really are. Because you really are. Really.
It always bugged me that my mom would never tell us her age. So I’ll be honest, I’m old. For the first time in my life, I feel old. I figure maybe I shouldn’t say my actual age because then all you internet information predators could do the math and steal my identity and walk away with my amazing credit potential. So let’s just say that I am now a lot closer to 40 than I am to 30, and that is INsane. I am the “old people” in young people’s minds. I have been out of high school for longer than it took me to complete elementary school, junior high and high school combined. I have been through so many different stages of life that I have a bra drawer with about 12 different sizes in it. (I should really get rid of them, because truth be told, I only need a very small drawer now.)
I’ll concede that older does mean wiser. I now get it that all those boys that took up volumes of pages in my journals never liked me. I was a dork. I also know that a person cannot live on Pringles and bubble gum alone. Plus, life has taught me many other important lessons like what not to do if you are a) mugged in China, b) cat-called in Argentina, or c) going outside too often in your pajamas in your own hometown. So, yeah, one year older and wiser too…
So, I’ve got this whole blog birthday party thing worked out in my mind. First a present for you.
What do mommy bloggers need and appreciate the most? Quiet time. I’d like to introduce you to JumpStart computer games to shut up educate your children while they have fun at the same time. My boys love the JumpStart computer games, and we actually owned two of them before the company contacted me about doing a giveaway on my blog. Just today they played the 3D Virtual 1st Grade game while I blogged did laundry and lots of important things. They really are very clever games that incorporate math, reading and critical thinking skills into fun arcade-like games and activities. And now they have an on-line version of their games at http://www.jumpstart.com where your child can create a “Jumpee” (kind of like an avatar) and travel all around in a virtual world of learning adventures. My boys have spent a little time playing around on it and they were quite smitten by some of the fun things they can do there. Anyway, without further ado… you can win a three-month subscription to the JumpStart online world! (In other words, three months of built-in, guilt-free quiet time for you.) You’re welcome.
Now, for mypresent. I want to know who my readers are. There are many of you who are regular commenters and I absolutely adore you, but there are so many strangers that pass through that I never get the chance to meet, except as random IP addresses on my statistics tracker. I average about 1,000 hits a week on this little ol’ blog (which I know is small potatoes to some folks), and I’d like to thank those of you who really just reload my page over and over again every day to make me feel good when I look at my stats, but there are so many of you I don’t know. I think Ordinary Mom made this request on her birthday, and I filed it away in my brain as a good way to satisfy my own curiosity.
So here are your birthday party instructions (I’m old; I can be demanding and crabby if I want to be.):
1. Leave me a comment and tell me something about yourself. If you don’t want me to know your name, that’s okay. You can be “anonymous,” but still tell me something about you. (Where you live, what you do, etc.) If you’re a regular commenter, tell me something about you anyway– I’d love to know you better.
2. If you want to be entered in the computer game giveaway, just stick the word “(Giveaway)” at the end of your comment. Or the beginning. Or the middle. I’m not picky.
3. If you haven’t voted for your favorite entry in the Diapers and Divinity Summer Poetry Contest, go do that here. The haikus are worth reading.
4. Pretend that you’re really at my party and that I’m giving you a hug at the door and saying “Thanks for coming!” Really. All joking aside,
“I believe true friends not only make life more enjoyable, but they help each other become worthy of the greatest friendship of all [with the Savior]… —to bring out the best in each other and help each other live righteous lives.” (Monte G. Brough)
Moms don’t get a lot of feedback. And results are often delayed. So, it’s great every once in a while when you get an indication that something you’re doing might just be working.
Diapers and Divinity 