Recovery, and one tiny deep thought.

My birthday is over.  You people are awesome.  I now have to figure out a way to burn about 4,327 calories.  Oh, the brutal gluttony.  I’ll do the giveaway drawing this weekend when I calculate the Haiku winners, too.  (If you got so wrapped up in the joy of wishing me a happy birthday and telling me about yourself that you forgot to actually enter the computer game giveaway, go back there and enlist yourself in the drawing . . . if you meant to in the first place.)

Excuse me while I write down a few things that I need to print out and hang on my forehead for tomorrow.

1.  No.  (answer to the question, “Can I have a snack?”)

2.  No.  (answer the question, “Can I watch a TV show?”)

3. Not yet.  (answer to the question, “Can we go to the swimming pool now?”)

For the record, sometimes the answer to those questions is “YES,” but just not when they’re asking over and over and over again.

And this may seem random, but it’s been on my mind a lot lately.  Why do we so often assume that we are not worthy of greatness?  Elder Maxwell always talked about “not shrinking,” and I think we moms do it way too much.  We kind of crawl into spiritual fetal position instead of spreading our spiritual wings.  I wish we were better at claiming and embracing how great we are.  Marianne Williamson wrote:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us;
It’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we’re liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

So shine on, ladies, and don’t be afraid to be as good as you really are.  Because you really are.  Really.


12 thoughts on “Recovery, and one tiny deep thought.

  1. I LOVE that quote. I gave a framed copy of it to my dad one year for Christmas. If only we could remember that greatness more often than we think to berate ourselves.

  2. Thank you. I agree that too often we step back, because we are so busy and crazy and afraid of having more on our plate. That was a beautiful reminder. I’m glad you had a great birthday!

  3. So help me Stephanie and her wise readers. I don’t have this fear at all. I fear that I’m not living up to my potential. Yet every time I hear myself think “I should be living a bigger life than this. I should be doing more, saying more, writing more, speaking more, BEING more than I am,” my LDS woman guilt gland goes into overdrive and accuses me of being prideful, narcissistic, and ungrateful for the life I already have.

    How do we embrace that greatness, that potential, without putting ourselves out there to be judged and criticized by the very people who we ought to be able to count on for that “big picture” support?

    • We don’t rely on any body’s opinion of ourselves. Except the Lords. Any voice that tells us other than we are worthy, enough and actually beautiful and fabulous – anything other than a daughter of a king -Is a lie.
      Of course Satan wants you to feel prideful for thinking of yourself that way.
      On the same token – if you think anything other than that about your neighbor – it’s a lie.
      When our self image comes from our knowledge of our Divinity – selflessness is the result. Your capacity increases and your ability to serve strengthens. You become a more profitable to the Lord and the Kingdom. Satan knows this and wants to keep us self-focused and not trusting of the Lord’s opinion of us. Wich we cannot comprehend all at once. That is the light we are afraid of.

    • DeNae,I think the trick to this is paying more attention to what God wants you to be, and less attention to what other (even well-meaning church member) people want you to be/expect you to be. I sometimes feel these “swellings” where I feel like God has some big, daunting plans for me, and it’s easy to write those off because I know they could be misunderstood as arrogance by others, and like you said, make me seem unsatisfied with life as it is. I think what holds us back is trusting too much “in the arm of flesh” (both ours and others’), and not enough in what God can– and will–do with us if we let Him. And like all “callings,” whom He calls, He qualifies. LDS woman guilt is a crock, our own and what is cast upon us by others.

  4. I got bullied at school for doing too well and so I’ve spent much of my life fighting the desire not to try. I adore that quote for oh so many reasons. Happy gluttony recovery!

  5. one other comment/question – Steph – did you come up with the calorie count based on the number quaility of admiration you have for friends that provide you with enough chocolate to choke a horse? (1 being no respect, – 4,327 being I love them so much that I would take care of their children everyday just to try and show them that?) just wondering.

  6. Oh, Steph, I missed that it was your birthday! Happy Belated Birthday.

    You can donate your calories to Dakin. He could stand to put on a pound. What do you think? It would get the nutritionist off my back.

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