Category Archives: Diapers

The dirty side of motherhood.

Recovery, and one tiny deep thought.

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My birthday is over.  You people are awesome.  I now have to figure out a way to burn about 4,327 calories.  Oh, the brutal gluttony.  I’ll do the giveaway drawing this weekend when I calculate the Haiku winners, too.  (If you got so wrapped up in the joy of wishing me a happy birthday and telling me about yourself that you forgot to actually enter the computer game giveaway, go back there and enlist yourself in the drawing . . . if you meant to in the first place.)

Excuse me while I write down a few things that I need to print out and hang on my forehead for tomorrow.

1.  No.  (answer to the question, “Can I have a snack?”)

2.  No.  (answer the question, “Can I watch a TV show?”)

3. Not yet.  (answer to the question, “Can we go to the swimming pool now?”)

For the record, sometimes the answer to those questions is “YES,” but just not when they’re asking over and over and over again.

And this may seem random, but it’s been on my mind a lot lately.  Why do we so often assume that we are not worthy of greatness?  Elder Maxwell always talked about “not shrinking,” and I think we moms do it way too much.  We kind of crawl into spiritual fetal position instead of spreading our spiritual wings.  I wish we were better at claiming and embracing how great we are.  Marianne Williamson wrote:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us;
It’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we’re liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

So shine on, ladies, and don’t be afraid to be as good as you really are.  Because you really are.  Really.

It’s my birthday, and I’m giving you a present. (You can drop off yours in the comment box.)

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birthday_candlesIt always bugged me that my mom would never tell us her age.  So I’ll be honest, I’m old.  For the first time in my life, I feel old.  I figure maybe I shouldn’t say my actual age because then all you internet information predators could do the math and steal my identity and walk away with my amazing credit potential.  So let’s just say that I am now a lot closer to 40 than I am to 30, and that is INsane.  I am the “old people” in young people’s minds.  I have been out of high school for longer than it took me to complete elementary school, junior high and high school combined.  I have been through so many different stages of life that I have a bra drawer with about 12 different sizes in it.  (I should really get rid of them, because truth be told, I only need a very small drawer now.)

I’ll concede that older does mean wiser.  I now get it that all those boys that took up volumes of pages in my journals never liked me.  I was a dork.  I also know that a person cannot live on Pringles and bubble gum alone.  Plus, life has taught me many other important lessons like what not to do if you are a) mugged in China, b) cat-called in Argentina, or c) going outside too often in your pajamas in your own hometown.  So, yeah, one year older and wiser too…

old ladySo, I’ve got this whole blog birthday party thing worked out in my mind.  First a present for you.  

What do mommy bloggers need and appreciate the most?  Quiet time.  I’d like to introduce you to JumpStart computer games to shut up educate your children while they have fun at the same time.  My boys love the JumpStart computer games, and we actually owned two of them before the company contacted me about doing a giveaway on my blog.  Just today they played the 3D Virtual 1st Grade game while I blogged did laundry and lots of important things.  They really are very clever games that incorporate math, reading and critical thinking skills into fun arcade-like games and activities.  And now they have an on-line version of their games at http://www.jumpstart.com where your child can create a “Jumpee” (kind of like an avatar) and travel all around in a virtual world of learning adventures.  My boys have spent a little time playing around on it and they were quite smitten by some of the fun things they can do there.  Anyway, without further ado… you can win a three-month subscription to the JumpStart online world! (In other words, three months of built-in, guilt-free quiet time for you.)  You’re welcome.

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Now, for my present.  I want to know who my readers are.  There are many of you who are regular commenters and I absolutely adore you, but there are so many strangers that pass through that I never get the chance to meet, except as random IP addresses on my statistics tracker.  I average about 1,000 hits a week on this little ol’ blog (which I know is small potatoes to some folks), and I’d like to thank those of you who really just reload my page over and over again every day to make me feel good when I look at my stats, but there are so many of you I don’t know.  I think Ordinary Mom made this request on her birthday, and I filed it away in my brain as a good way to satisfy my own curiosity.

So here are your birthday party instructions (I’m old; I can be demanding and crabby if I want to be.):

1.  Leave me a comment and tell me something about yourself.  If you don’t want me to know your name, that’s okay.  You can be “anonymous,” but still tell me something about you.  (Where you live, what you do, etc.)  If you’re a regular commenter, tell me something about you anyway– I’d love to know you better.

2.  If you want to be entered in the computer game giveaway, just stick the word “(Giveaway)” at the end of your comment.  Or the beginning.  Or the middle.  I’m not picky.

3.  If you haven’t voted for your favorite entry in the Diapers and Divinity Summer Poetry Contest, go do that here.  The haikus are worth reading.

4.  Pretend that you’re really at my party and that I’m giving you a hug at the door and saying “Thanks for coming!”  Really.  All joking aside,

“I believe true friends not only make life more enjoyable, but they help each other become worthy of the greatest friendship of all [with the Savior]… —to bring out the best in each other and help each other live righteous lives.”  (Monte G. Brough)

Happy Birthday, indeed.

Why I have decided to ignore my children

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woman with appleYou know how we are often told to turn away negative thoughts and voices that make us question our self-worth and potential?  Well, now I am faced with a moral dilemma.  On the one hand, I should nurture my children and be a good listener.  On the other, I should ignore voices like this:

 

 

Grant:  Um, Mom, let me look at your teeth… (invasion of personal space) … Your teeth are brown.

Me:  What?  They’re not brown!

Grant:  Yeah, they are.  They’re brown.

Clark:  Let me look.  (in my grill)  Oh, yeah. … Maybe the other day at the baseball game some dirt flew in the air and got on your teeth.

Me:  (blink, blink, stunned silence.)

Natalie:  I wanna look.  (3 children on my lap, staring disgustedly at my now-faded smile)  Oh.

And you can see that, clearly, I should no longer listen to my children if I want to keep any shred of dignity or warped acceptance of my own appearance.

Elder Marvin J. Ashton said (and I tweaked):  

In the world, where there are often voices of pessimism and negative feelings [my children], the voice of gladness is welcome indeed. Some seem to live with doubt, fear of the future, and sorrow for the past [or renewed shame in their less-than-gleaming-white teeth]. If it is our nature to criticize or demean, we can cause the voices of gladness to be silenced [and one’s desire to smile to be eliminated]. We need those who bring gladness into our lives. We need those who give encouragement and reflect optimism.

Sincere yet simple words of praise can lift souls and bring gladness. Mark Twain remarked that he could live two months on one good compliment. In the words of the biblical proverbs of Solomon: “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.” (Prov. 25:11.)

Encouragement can be quick and simple, but it is a voice of gladness that is needed by everyone.

So, I made a few decisions today:

1.  Ignore my children.

2.  Remember to say nice things to other moms because their children probably sucked all of their self-worth out of them.

3.  Call Matt to find out if our Health Savings Account covers any kind of cosmetic dentistry.  (I did. It doesn’t.)

Oh, yes I did.

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To all of you whose challenged homemaking skills have made you feel like only a consolation member of the Relief Society, there is hope.  I, Stephanie, made jam.  It was even easy.  So that pretty much means that anyone one can do it, even the domestically handicapped.  Behold:

We picked strawberries at a local farm.

Grant and Clark washed and cut them.

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I chopped them in a food processor, and added some chopped tangerines as well, just because I wanted to.

DSCF2103Then I added sugar and fruit pectin.  I tried it with two kinds and this was definitely the easiest way to go and it set up much nicer than with Sure-Gel:

Ball-Freezer-Jam-Pectin_bigThen I put it in little jars, and that was all.  Not kidding.  That’s all.  Then it keeps in the fridge or freezer.  So with no disrespect to those of you who have spent your summer writing novels, running marathons, and building life-size models of ancient Mayan ruins with your children, let’s not underestimate the glory of this accomplishment.

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I made jam, people.  And it was good.

———-

Some end notes:

1.  Apparently some of you are intimidated by the haiku contest.  Let me put your fears at ease about a 3-line poem:

This is a haiku. (5 syllables)

You can write it just like this. (7 syllables)

That wasn’t so hard.  (5 syllables)

See?  Piece of cake.  Entries due by Saturday night.

2.  I also retro-posted the General Conference Book Club talk of the week.  It’s up as of Sunday’s date, or you can hop to it here if you wish.  Can I just encourage some of you that have disappeared from the comments section at the GCBC to jump back on board?  I’d love to hear from you again, and it’s never too late to pick up and old goal and run with it again.

3.  Coming very soon, like maybe tomorrow:  A review of some guilt-free summer screen time options for your kids, and a giveaway to go with it.  Stay tuned.

On camping with small children: A compilation of Haiku, and a contest for you.

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Matt says, “Five hour drive.”

We go on and on and on.

There eight hours later.

 

Mosquitos abound.

They stalk me and consume me.

My flesh, bug manna.

 

Lost in the forest,

Children say, “I can’t go on!”

First family bike ride.

 

Please go to bed now.

There’s no time to brush your teeth.

Smores are good for smiles.

 

Day Two: Must shower.

What? I forgot underwear?

Heaven help me.  (Sob.)

 

I say “stop!” a lot.

My voice echoes through the air.

Children don’t listen.

 

Old people like quiet.

They go to camp in nature.

Then my kids arrive.

 

Oh, Summer Solstice,

Sunny day is long and bright.

Children wake at five.

 

Scripture reading time.

Sorry, Mom’s gasp interrupts.

Her foot has a tick.

 

Four days, four state parks.

Dirt roads and pop-up trailer.

All hail DVDs.

 

Laughing, playing days.

Little children get so tired.

It is all worth it.

 

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So how was your weekend?

 

I think it’s time to ressurrect the Diapers and Divinity Poetry Contest.  Write a Haiku* or two about summer vacation with children.  All entries must be in by Saturday night, and on Monday, I’ll put up a poll so you can vote for your favorite.  The winner will get a summer spot on my sidebar  (It’s a great honor, trust me.) and I’ll send you some kind of summer treat…. to be determined.  This is an easy one; haiku doesn’t even have to rhyme. 🙂  Hit me with your best shot.  Leave your entry/entries in the comments for this post.

 

*Haiku is a Japanese form of poetry, short and simple.  The Americanized version is only three lines long:  1st line is 5 syllables, 2nd line is 7 syllables, and 3rd line is 5 syllables.  No need to rhyme.  For amazing examples of how this works, scroll up and see the masterpieces above.  Each little stanza is one complete haiku.

 

(I’m sorry I missed posting for the GCBC this weekend.  We just rolled into town tonight and I’ll try to get up this week’s article very soon along with my comments on last week’s.  Thanks for your patience.)