I’m ashamed to admit it…

… but I think I’m in a post-Conference funk.  I felt so uplifted and even fired up as I watched General Conference this past weekend, and my mind was swirling with goals and self-improvement– in an honestly hopeful way that was buoyed up by the Spirit of it all.

But today I’m not feeling it.  Maybe I’m just discouraged because I’m no different than I was last week.  That’s, admittedly, a little ridiculous.  I guess I just have not figured out any specific ways to implement all the good ideas I felt, so I’m kind of limboish— stuck between the same-old-me and the me-I-felt-inspired-to-be.  Hmmm.

I just sat here and stared at my last paragraph for the last few minutes and these are the two thoughts that came to my mind:

1.  In April General Conference, President Uctdorf shared a story about a man who was struggling with his faith.  President Uctdorf mailed him a letter with suggestions of things to do, and then received a letter from him in return only a week or so later.  The letter said, in essence, “I tried what you said.  It didn’t work.  What else have you got?”  President Uctdorf went on to explain that you can’t rush matters of testimony, and I suspect you cant rush matters of change or improvement or repentance either.  It’s a process, like much of the gospel is, and perhaps requires more patience than I’ve been willing to grant myself in this short period of time.  And right now my thoughts hopped to Elder Bednar’s counsel to “Be Consistent.”  Don’t give up, keep trying, and wait patiently for the “change” to come.

2.  Michael McLean has a song called “Gentle.” (Unnecessary tangent:  When I was in junior high and high school, I was a squeaky clean kid who would come home from school, plop down on my bed with my pink and green backpack, pop in a Janice Kapp Perry or Michael McLean cassette tape, and do my homework until I fell into a peaceful nap.  I still like several genres of Christian music, but now I can hardly stomach that stuff from my youth.  The whole cheesy, emotional, psued0-spiritual sap kind of makes me nauseous.  But I do still like this one song.  Anyway . . .)  These words just did a little tap dance across the stage in my brain:

We’ve been hurt by others often.  We’ve forgiven and forgotten.  We should be more gentle with ourselves.

Oh, apparently there’s one more thought:

3.  Pray about it.  Duh, Stephanie, pray.  Some day I will learn to think of this first.  (It would probably prevent pathetic blog posts.)

I do feel a little better just for having purged out the frustration and getting some clarifying thoughts back in return.  Has anyone else had this same struggle this week?  What helps you to get through it without backing off your 4- or 5-day-old conviction to rise up and refine yourself?


22 thoughts on “I’m ashamed to admit it…

  1. I struggle with this every conference! You know what I think it is? I think it’s that our spirits are so stirred up to a remembrance of our purpose and our potential here..it’s almost like the veil is partially pulled away for a time. How can it not seem darker and more dreary after such a burst of light?

    I don’t know how to hold onto that feeling and let it help inspire and motivate me over the long term instead of just letting it…well…burn out. That’s something I just haven’t figured out yet.

  2. I’ve been re-listening to the talks this whole week – with my journal and pen ready. Each talk has taken at least 30 minutes to listen to, because I have to pause it every few seconds to write things down. I’ve never done this before, but it has really helped me. I’ve been able to have that time to ponder each and every sentence/concept spoken. I put little stars in the margins, next to specific things I need to work on, then I can go back quickly and get ideas of where to start.

    I would definitely recommend this. But don’t try to listen to all 6 sessions in a week. It brings on unnecessary stress. 🙂

  3. That’s why I’m so excited for your General Conference Book Club! I came down with the (real, live, kick your butt) swine flu right before conference, and so most of what I actually absorbed came to me between coughing fits, and kids who were so excited about their conference packets that they talked endlessly about them and forgot to actually do them! It will be great for me to go back through the talks and actually study and learn what is in them.

    Oh, and on your tangent, I’m right there with ya! I was the queen of the sappy Mormon pop music, and now just the thought of it makes me a little queasy.

  4. I just got distracted by your copyright notice. That is how spiritual I feel right now. The book is really good by the way. and thanks for the visit.
    But I like the praying thing. Really asking with intent for what I want. not being general and hoping he will figure it out.

  5. I’m feeling rather inept as I try to put it all into practice. I hear about greater love, then seem to be a little to hard on my daughter. I hear about listening to the spirit, then struggle to notice those gentle promptings, hoping I’m not pushing any away. I think prayer is the perfect solution. I’m going to add that to my list right now.

    Thanks for this.

  6. I’m actually glad to hear this since I almost always have a post-Conference funk. I think about it the same way Kimberly described–it’s just hard to go back into the valley after a stint on the mountain. But, it’s also because I set aside a lot of mundane chores to really absorb Conference, which is worth it, but since I only manage to (barely, sometimes) keep afloat in my life even when I keep up the chores, I’m always buried after Conference. The funny thing is that this time I hadn’t even realized my funk was a post-Conference one until you mentioned it.

    I do agree with everything you said about being kind to ourselves and aiming for consistency, etc.

    BTW I’m up this late ’cause I’ve got a baby who (uncharacteristically) absolutely refuses to go to sleep. She does like sitting on my lap and watching me type. I’m going to try again to put her to bed, now.

  7. I think for me it’s the sheer magnitude of the resolutions. I seem to find a solution to every single problem or potential problem in my life and then end up not following through on any of them, it seems (which I guess is sort of what you’re talking about?)

    As you say, it’s a time thing and a step by step thing. I guess maybe I should use Erin’s for just one week thing and make THIS the week I pay closer attention to promptings, and then next week I will focus attention on my relationships with my kids etc.

  8. I think it’s because we are on such a spiritual high and focused on Conference and then real life gets in the way, so to speak. We just need to forge ahead and strive to stay focused on those things that matter most and not get “immersed… in the thick of thin things”. Take it one day at a time.

    Hang in there.

  9. I struggle with this too after I’ve been to MOPS Convention or Women of Faith. Teens struggle after youth camp. You come home all pumped up and I think we see the big picture and it’s so overwhelming and so many great ideas but perhaps we need to pray about it and narrow our focus and implement what God is calling us to implement.

    Just a thought..praying the funk lifts from you!

  10. My funk lately has been directly correlated to how sick I feel all the time. I don’t FEEL like trying. I don’t FEEL like doing anything but laying around feeling sorry for myself. But that does little good. Last night I was laying on the couch watching television after my husband went to bed. I rarely watch tv, and I almost never do it alone, when everyone else is sleeping. But last night, I was too tired to get up and go to bed. Isn’t that ridiculous? It wasn’t that the television that I was watching was particularly unsavory, it wasn’t. But I literally hadn’t moved for three hours. At one point, I thought of the Savior, whose picture hangs above my fireplace directly across from my couch. I thought of him watching me, laying there like a vegetable, wallowing in my self pity, and I said to myself, “Good grief. Just get up. Go to sleep, and accomplish something wonderful tomorrow. You have no reason to be a whiny pants.”

    So no more wallowing. Or at least, that’s my goal. And I’m going to the temple on saturday. Hopefully to refocus and recommit, and refresh. I need that.

  11. Whew~! Thank goodness I’m not the only one! We had difficulty watching conference this year — the website kept buffering every ten seconds or so, and when we finally did get a session to work, wouldn’t you know it, but we all fell asleep! Ridiculous. Anyway, we are going to watch a talk a week as a family and keep Conference alive for as long as we can — possibly even until next Spring, when I’m sure we’ll just keep going.

    And as for the music — we could have been twins. Seriously. I never got to go to EFY as a kid, but I met several of the Regulars (i.e. John Bytheway, Brad Wilcox, Kenneth Cope) during their Youth Conference Traveling Circuit, and I have to say, I still enjoy Kenneth Cope’s “Greater Than Us All”, but as for the rest of them — I hesitate to tell you what we call church pop in our house, but my folks coined the name “Janice Kapp Joplin” and “Lex de Avocado” for anything remotely church jazz/pop/whatever. My husband has kept that tradition going, so my kids don’t have a chance. (No offense to Janice and Lex, of course — they’re both extremely talented artists.)

  12. Me too! Only mine is combined with lovely PMS hormones and the return to reality after running away to the beach with my awesome husband for 2 days. So it’s quite the funk.

    I had to lol at your description of your teen music. I don’t think any of that existed when I was a teen, or if it did I didn’t know about it. As a grownup I love Kenneth Cope’s recent music, and I really love Lex de Azevedo’s Variations on a Sacred Theme.

  13. Honestly, I think sometimes it’s okay to be edified without rushing out and jumping through a million hoops in an effort to make it stick. For me, conference is like a peaceful wash that encourages and uplifts me, and I think taking it one step (or one talk) at a time is way more efficient than making a big fat spiritual to-do list. You’ve got six months to process and implement.

    I don’t know why I’m saying all this, you already know it. You’re awesome, and if you didn’t have pale blue days now and then you wouldn’t appreciate the yellow ones.

  14. I got deathly ill after conference, so I was excited to get up today and start feeling like a mom again….I am ready to keep tackling Elder Bednar style…..just striving for consistency!

  15. I’ve actually been feeling pretty good this week. One of the things I learned this conference is that I need to do the “seemingly small things” everyday and be consistent at it. I’ve actually been studying that talk by Elder Uchdorf you mentioned and that has also helped me.

    The thing I’ve been doing to keep me from experiencing what your are (and what I usually experience after general conference) is I’ve been following a “to-do” list idea that you shared a few posts ago. I don’t even remember who gave you the advice, but it was to have a to-do list with three columns: essentials, shoud do, and nice to do. I’ve put “seemingly small things” in my essentials list and have made a real effort to stick to it. As a result, I’ve had a really good week and have felt so spiritually nourished. The only negative thing I’ve experience is a feeling of being worn out from trying so hard to do what’s right. Is that normal? I think it is. At least, I’m telling myself it is so that I don’t feel too guilty about it. I’m just not going to let it make me give up. Does that make any sense?

    I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I’ve definitely been there before. I hope you can get out of it soon.

  16. I might have to amend that *part* of my funk, this time, *might* have been partly due to a husband gone to Europe for 9 days while I cared for 5 young kids including a teething baby, maybe, a little. 🙂 He gets home tonight and I. CAN’T. WAIT.

    He missed conference, so that gives us a good reason to watch it all again a little at a time, and I’m going to try to do so along with him. Surely he and I can fit it in to our busy TV-watching/internet-reading schedules.

  17. I had gone to conf. with a set of questions that I needed help with.
    I wrote the thoughts that seemed to draw to me.
    I went back over the thoughts later.
    Then I wrote the specifics to help me with the answers and the implementation.
    None of this was long. Very short (no more than 10 words each to answer 3 questions) I know the answers. I know the “small steps” I have outlined to fulfill the questions. I wrote them down. I have them where I can see them everyday. I know I will not be perfect in the doing but I am prepared and I desire it. It is now time for the doing. Hope this helps.

  18. I usually have a stinky two weeks before conference, a fabulous weekend of conference then get in a funk for the week after. Took me years to recognize the pattern.
    This time round I have been going back into LDS.org and watching a few talks at a time. Makes a huge difference to me.
    Sometimes we complicate things more than necessary. It was great to hear all about simplicity and recognizing the spirit.

  19. Post conference funk. I know this feeling well. Sometimes I think it is Satan’s way of trying to cause us to forget all that was stirred in our hearts by the Spirit. During conference it is easier for the Spirit to impress upon us ways we can change and be better and of course Satan wants none of that. We just have to keep studying these precious words and truths that the Lord has given us and we will again be blessed with His Spirit. (Now to practice what I preach 🙂 !!)

  20. Does anyone have the words to Gentle by Michael McLean?? If you do PLEASE e~mail them to me at Rainbowlover2@yahoo.com I had the C.D. and my husband destroyed it and my scriptures. I am in a Safe House due to him and would really like to hve the words to Gentle.

    Thank you Kindly,
    Margo Luttrell

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