… but I think I’m in a post-Conference funk. I felt so uplifted and even fired up as I watched General Conference this past weekend, and my mind was swirling with goals and self-improvement– in an honestly hopeful way that was buoyed up by the Spirit of it all.
But today I’m not feeling it. Maybe I’m just discouraged because I’m no different than I was last week. That’s, admittedly, a little ridiculous. I guess I just have not figured out any specific ways to implement all the good ideas I felt, so I’m kind of limboish— stuck between the same-old-me and the me-I-felt-inspired-to-be. Hmmm.
I just sat here and stared at my last paragraph for the last few minutes and these are the two thoughts that came to my mind:
1. In April General Conference, President Uctdorf shared a story about a man who was struggling with his faith. President Uctdorf mailed him a letter with suggestions of things to do, and then received a letter from him in return only a week or so later. The letter said, in essence, “I tried what you said. It didn’t work. What else have you got?” President Uctdorf went on to explain that you can’t rush matters of testimony, and I suspect you cant rush matters of change or improvement or repentance either. It’s a process, like much of the gospel is, and perhaps requires more patience than I’ve been willing to grant myself in this short period of time. And right now my thoughts hopped to Elder Bednar’s counsel to “Be Consistent.” Don’t give up, keep trying, and wait patiently for the “change” to come.
2. Michael McLean has a song called “Gentle.” (Unnecessary tangent: When I was in junior high and high school, I was a squeaky clean kid who would come home from school, plop down on my bed with my pink and green backpack, pop in a Janice Kapp Perry or Michael McLean cassette tape, and do my homework until I fell into a peaceful nap. I still like several genres of Christian music, but now I can hardly stomach that stuff from my youth. The whole cheesy, emotional, psued0-spiritual sap kind of makes me nauseous. But I do still like this one song. Anyway . . .) These words just did a little tap dance across the stage in my brain:
We’ve been hurt by others often. We’ve forgiven and forgotten. We should be more gentle with ourselves.
Oh, apparently there’s one more thought:
3. Pray about it. Duh, Stephanie, pray. Some day I will learn to think of this first. (It would probably prevent pathetic blog posts.)
I do feel a little better just for having purged out the frustration and getting some clarifying thoughts back in return. Has anyone else had this same struggle this week? What helps you to get through it without backing off your 4- or 5-day-old conviction to rise up and refine yourself?