Women’s Conference, final chapter: Intentional Parenting

Give me a break.  Summer’s busy.  I know I’ve been promising this post since May, and I’m just proud I’m finally actually getting around to it.  Trust me, a finished project is a victory no matter the delay.

I attended Women’s Conference at Brigham Young University in May, and while I learned many things that were great and uplifting, the highlight for me was the talk given by Sister Julie Beck, General Relief Society President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I know my personal opinion has no bearing on the efficacy of her teachings, but I really like Sister Beck.  She is spunky, kind, and speaks truth without fear.  Plus (with all due respect) she is the first General Relief Society President in generations that has dared to not have this haircut:

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Isn’t she lovely?

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Anyway, when I heard her talk, and it affected me the way that it did, I thought to myself, “This is why I came.”  She did not say anything that I have not heard taught before, but the cohesiveness and clarity of her message brought me a deeper insight in the doctrine of the family, and a greater understanding of my practical role in it.  Loved her talk.  (Here is a link to watch her whole talk, entitled “Nourishing and Protecting Home and Family.”   It is worth watching.)

From, my notes, here are some highlights:

There are three things that she has felt strongly that women need to do to fulfill their divine role:

  1. Increase faith and personal righteousness.
  2. Strengthen family and homes.
  3. Seek out and help those with needs.

She focused her talk on the doctrine of the family:  The Doctrine of family is defined in the Proclamation on the family.

The Plan of Salvation includes the theology of family, as seen in the 3 pillars of the gospel of Jesus Christ:

  1. The Creation– families were formed under God’s direction
  2. The Fall– provided means for family to grow and develop faith
  3. The Atonement– opportunity for eternal growth and restoration.

Marriage is ordained of God, an order of the Priesthood, and necessary to see the face of God and live.

  1. The natures of male and female spirits complete each other.
  2. Both are needed to bring and raise children.

Some scriptural examples of the doctrine of the family and threats to it:

  1. Doctrine and Covenants 2:  This is the 1st revelation (chronologically)  included in the Doctrine and Covenants; it points to the temple.
  2. Ephesians 6:12  We wrestle against spiritual wickedness (“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”)
  3. Alma, chapter 1:  Nehor started the doctrine about “me”– this philosophy is a threat to the family that is about “us/we.”
  4. Alma, chapter 30:  Korihor, the “anti-Christ” repeated many of these same philosophies.  He was not original or clever; these doctrines were pirated from Satan and other failed leaders.

Anti-Christ principles are always anti-family, and, likewise, anti-family principles are always anti-Christ.

She quoted Spencer W. Kimball, who boldly declared the doctrine as it pertained to traditional family vs. non-traditional families (talk worth reading):

“… Many of the social restraints which in the past have helped to reinforce and to shore up the family are dissolving and disappearing. The time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us.”

We must preserve our families against gathering evil.  We must focus on and prepare our families for blessings of eternal life.

We have to be intentional about everything we do. (This is the part that stood out to me so much, and I felt a strong pull to pay attention to this and apply it in my own life.)

She told a story about her father and her mother sitting down during their honeymoon and setting goals for their family and for their children.  What did they want them to accomplish?  They made intentional steps to work toward temples, missions, education, work, etc., and then they used those goals to develop the culture of their family.  They created a “Personalized Family Plan.”

She reminded us that the commandment to bear children is still a commandment, and that we are still in the “business of creation.”

She touched upon the plague of pornography and stated that she has pondered much about this problem and tried to understand what the role of the women of the Church is in this challenge, and said that her clear impression has been:  “Fight!  Fight pornography and defend our homes.”  I wish I convey the spirit in which she made that challenge and how moving it was.  It actually brought much of the audience to spontaneous applause.

The following were some of her concluding suggestions and reminders to consider as we become intentional parents in gospel-based homes:

  • Limit activities, and use time to teach.  Talk, teach, ask questions.
  • Family Home Evening is so important– interruptions should be avoided.  We must prepare our families for the challenges to come.
  • Sacrifice your life (mom) for their good.
  • You can’t drive them or force them.  Only correct in kindness and love, and persuasion.  Make homes based on love.
  • Husbands need to be loved also.  (D&C 25) Be a comfort, show meekness, create a climate of charity, faith and hope.
  • Seek for and qualify for the voice of the Spirit everyday.  This (motherhood) is a faith-based work.  We must call upon our faith– faith in who we are, where we came from, and what we’re called to do.

In Moses 5:10-13, Adam and Eve review the blessings of mortality:

10 And in that day Adam blessed God and was filled, and began to prophesy concerning all the families of the earth, saying: Blessed be the name of God, for because of my transgression my eyes are opened, and in this life I shall have joy, and again in the flesh I shall see God.

11 And Eve, his wife, heard all these things and was glad, saying: Were it not for our transgression we never should have had seed, and never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient.

12 And Adam and Eve blessed the name of God, and they made all things known unto their sons and their daughters.

What else can I say?  I felt so inspired by this talk, like it was a call to battle. It made me want to rise up and do better, be better.  I know that our roles as mothers is so important, and our power and influence will be needed more and more as the world tries to destroy the faith we hold dear.

This video is from a different, previous talk by Sister Beck entitled “Mothers Who Know,” with clips set to pictures and music.  It further solidifies the divine role of mothers.  Hope you find its message as inspirational as I did.  (It describes an ideal mother.  None of us are ideal, but it sets a standard to strive for, not a measuring stick for guilt.)

The difference two years can make

I like to celebrate stuff, but the older I get (read: since I had children), I appreciate celebrations more in small numbers.  So for the fourth, we like to do our own driveway fireworks show.  This time we had a fun little crowd of neighbors join us for the flashes, pops, and clouds of smoke.  The kids thought it was great.  Evidence:

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See all that joy and excitement?  Okay, admittedly Natalie is a little nervous, but the boys were having a ball.  Now let’s take a little journey back in time, shall we?  Two years ago.  I am not a good photographer (I would be, but I have the crappiest digital camera ever), but this is my favorite photo essay ever.  Ever.  I give you Fourth of July, 2007:

Okay, who’s ready for fireworks? We are, we are!!


Hooray! This is gonna be great.


look, you do it like this, Grant.


Yes. I did it! Did you see that daddy? I threw the little popper and it worked!


After getting over his “fire” jitters, Clark proudly waves a sparkler.


ta dah.


These smoke bombs are cool. What else ya got, Dad?


Wait a second … these are kind of loud…


Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!! It’s too scary!!!


Clark asked if he could watch the rest from the trunk of the van. With the window closed.


It’s too loud. Waaaaaaah!


Grant joined Clark in the van, who is now lying down on the floor hiding.



Matt, the lone man standing, overlooking his fireworks kingdom.


Oh man, that cracks me up every time.  How was your fourth?

Lessons learned at Urgent Care

Urgent-Care-Nurses-StationMom guts just know stuff.  Natalie suddenly cried out during church on Sunday that her hand hurt.  She wouldn’t stop crying about it, so Matt had to take her out into the hall.  Strangely, she was still fussy and even cried about going into nursery, so I told them to come find me if she didn’t seem to settle down.  I was meeting in another room about 40 minutes later when I heard Natalie crying in the hallway.  I stepped out and the Bishop told me that Matt was looking for me and Natalie was not well.  We played that ridiculous circle the halls and not find each other game for a little while and finally met up in the corner of the building.  Matt said, “Natalie has a fever and she needs to go home.”  She didn’t look good and she had tremors going on, and I said, “Something’s not right.”  I took her and started asking for directions to the nearest Urgent Care and headed out immediately.  She was hot and listless, and I felt scared.  I know most people don’t react to fever like I do, but when you’ve spent 3 days in Pediatric Intensive Care with a son who had a series of violent seizures that they concluded were somehow related to a (low) fever, you respond a little differently.

So with my eyes glued carefully to the rear-view mirror, I drove quickly and said prayers in my mind.  I took Natalie out of the car and noticed she was quite hot.  I checked her in and the nurses asked all their regular questions, and I knew that I did not land on their “must be seen quickly” list by their reaction to my description.  I added, “I just know something is not right.”  We waited for about 15 minutes or so before Natalie started crying out again.  She threw up all over her lap and mine.  I sat stunned, not knowing where to move or what to do next.  (As a side note, one minor lesson I learned is that God has a sense of humor.  When I was feeling really nervous about EFY and my new church assignment, I went out and bought a $100 skirt because I liked it, it fit me well, and it gave me confidence.  I never spend that kind of money on an article of clothing, much less something that’s dry-clean only.  I knew it was a frivolous purchase, but I bought it anyway.  I was wearing it on Sunday.  Ha ha, sigh.)  A nice man brought me a garbage can and I threw her tights away after I used the dry half of them to wipe us off a little.  After that, she fell asleep with her steamy little head on my chest.  When she stirred for a while, I was able to get a small hospital gown and change her out of her soiled dress.

I sat holding her for a long time after they checked her vitals.  The rise and fall of her hot little body up against mine made me feel a tight bond to her; her health was just as much a part of me as my own.  My mother’s mind went through all the worse-case scenarios, and I mourned each one and ached for her.  I sometimes have days where I fantasize about spending some nice quiet time away from my children for a while, but in that moment, I had a strong impression that gave me a new awareness.  I realized that I would rather be there in that Urgent Care room, covered in vomit, with her than be anywhere else in the world, including a beautiful white and sunny beachfront without her.  I would not trade the love I feel for her for any of the “freedom” my life might be without her.  God gently reminded me how much I need my children.

When we were able to see a nurse and then the doctor, it was determined her fever was 102.5, but there seemed to be no other symptoms of sickness… minus the obvious puke residue.  She tested negative for strep and didn’t respond to a body exam with any expressions of pain, so they determined it was probably just a mean virus and I should keep her hydrated and try to control the fever.  The next 24 hours were spent alternating Tylenol and Ibuprofen, but the fever wasn’t dropping much below 103.  I called her primary care doctor’s office, and other than lowering her fever, they didn’t seem too concerned and gave me the option of coming in or not.  I questioned myself back and forth the rest of the day, but felt like I wanted more tests dones.  They saw her in the afternoon and tested her blood and urine, and ran an influenza test.  Everything looked okay, so they increased my doses and frequency of the Tylenol and Motrin and sent me on my way again.

Today the doctor called back and said that Natalie has a bad urinary tract infection.  Apparently her urine culture grew over 50,000 units of bacteria overnight?  Maybe you medical types will scoff at that, but it sounded scary to me.  I’m just glad to know what is wrong.  I’m glad I followed my gut and kept pushing for more testing.  I’m glad I didn’t just “wait out the virus” for the next several days because her kidneys could have developed toxins, and the fever would NOT have gone away on its own.  Moms just know sometimes, even when they don’t really know.   Sure love that girl.

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They didn’t get Michael Jackson Memorial Service tickets, but they’re still winners!

Just a little business, folks…

First of all, congratulations to Melanie J, the winner of our Diapers and Divinity Summer Poetry Contest.  She won our hearts with her sweet summer haiku:

Melanie J

melanie

A soft, fuzzy head
Whiffs of coconut sunblock

Gold skin and freckles

Cute little white bums

Peeking out of swimming trunks

I smile. It’s summer.

Congratulations, Melanie!  As soon as I remember how to change my sidebar, I’ll put you and your poem in a place of honor.  Email me your address too, because I’ll send some kind of prize your way… to be determined by my creativity and budget (both severely limited).

And, the winner of the Jumpstart Online computer game giveaway is:

ELLEN

(See folks?  It pays to come out of blog comment hiding.  She went from IP blip to one lucky chick! : ) )

Ellen, send me an email, and I’ll hook you up, okay?

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Thanks to all for your fun participation.  Coming soon… (like after my kids are all in bed tonight)… Adventures from our latest trip to Urgent Care.

General Conference Book Club Week 13: Elder Ballard

02_04_ballaI have noticed, even as I’ve observed my own immediate and extended family, that it is so easy to repeat the past, even when we didn’t like it the first time around.  I love that the gospel of Jesus Christ is all about finding the strength to do what’s right, notwithstanding our traditions or culture or long-time habits.  There are many righteous traditions and predecessors upon which we can build our futures.  Elder Ballard of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles spoke about this topic in the Saturday afternoon session of General Conference.  He stated, “”Learning the lessons of the past allows you to build personal testimony on a solid bedrock of obedience, faith, and the witness of the Spirit.”

We’ll study his talk this week for General Conference Book Club.  You can find the text here:

>>Click here to read “Learning the Lessons of the Past” by Elder M. Russell Ballard.<<

If this is your first visit to the General Conference Book Club, click here to learn more about it. You’re welcome to join us at any point along the way, and we’d love to welcome back many of you that we haven’t heard from in a while.

And if you didn’t get the chance to watch this video, it’s worth your time.