Worst jeans ever.

dscf2008So I mail-ordered a pair of jeans once. The company shall remain nameless (It starts with Cold, ends with Creek, and there’s something liquid in the middle). I really needed a new pair of jeans. And they were on clearance! And I really didn’t want to go jeans shopping with 3 children under the age of 5. And if I have to hire a babysitter to buy jeans, then I don’t have any money left to buy jeans. So I ordered them. And something completely unexpected happened: They fit! I was so delighted that they actually fit me on a one-shot mail-order wonder that I decided to overlook the painted floral design at the bottom of one of the pants legs. What a bargain.

So the first time that a stranger stopped me to tell me that there was something on my pants, I shrugged it off. But then after hundreds upon hundreds of people stared, tapped me on the shoulder or whispered amongst themselves, I started to get a complex. And then one day when my tactless brother told me it looked like there was cow poop on my pants, I resigned myself to the fact that my jeans sucked. Can’t people recognize a floral embellishment when they see one?

dscf2009(Go ahead, click on the picture.  I know you’re curious.)  Geesh!  Clearance, people!  Can’t you see they FIT me??  Well, I mean they did fit me before I “celebrated” the holidays all winter long and pushed their claim of “stretch” to the limits.  And while I took these pictures today, I noticed an Easter egg sticker smack dab in the middle of the butt.  Wonder how long that’s been there. . . .


So when have you endured shame for the sake of a bargain?


21 thoughts on “Worst jeans ever.

  1. Hmmm…yeah, that is an “interesting” floral design to say the least. But, it’s so hard to find fitting jeans that I would probably endure it too!

  2. I saw the picture of the jeans beofre I read the post, and I thought you were going to blog about falling in mud or something. Immediate remorse. I promise.
    My bargian sacrifice experience can be described in three words:
    Mexican Swapmeet Shoes.
    The. End.

  3. Uh, I’d have been tempted to “touch up” the design with prettier paint.

    I endured my teenage years with almost an exclusively homemade wardrobe (jeans were the only wardrobe necessity we bought at a store). Prom dress included. I was ashamed for the lack of a tiny alligator or a polo player on all my homemade polo shirts. To make it even worse, my mom shopped for fabric at a store that sold fabric remnants (discards from the fancy fabric stores) by the pound and was located in a dingy warehouse.

    I went to college with homemade underwear. My roommate (bless her wherever she is because I loved her dearly. Really and truly) found them highly amusing.

  4. They look really quite nice until you look at the…ermm…leg part. For a moment there I thought they shipped them to you all dirty and mucky like that.

    I’m so sorry for your pain.

  5. Ha, ha! I totally thought that was mud, too!

    And I can’t say I’ve endured much in the name of a bargain. I’ll wear any bargain that’s cute, but that’s it. Although…I bought some jeans at WalMart to go 4 wheeling in while we were on Kuaui because I was warned the red clay doesn’t wash out (it doesn’t) and they turned everything they touched blue. That was fun.

  6. LOL … um … yeah, I probably have worn similar things because they fit in the butt.

    Like jeans that laced up.


    I haven’t been around so much because we’ve been sick and I haven’t commented on most blogs at all lately (and there have been many I haven’t taken the time to read). But we’re doing better, so hopefully I’ll get back into the swing of things.

  7. So, that color is a little like the color of breastfed babies’ excrement, if I’m being honest. Bless your brother for being mean and telling you the truth. Just think of the embarrassment he’s saved you.
    As for me, if it wasn’t on clearance, I probably don’t own it. I’m sure I need a brother living closer to me. I think the worst lately is the shirt that is a ghastly purple color that I’m sure doesn’t look good on me. But, it was two dollars, and it is fancier than a t-shirt. People should be grateful I’m not wearing a white t-shirt again!

  8. Wow. I think it’s a miracle that you got jeans that fit you by mail order. Even if the pattern doesn’t look floral much at all. And does look quite a lot like mud (what were they thinking?) but I would wear them because I knew it was a floral pattern.

    If it makes you feel better (it will) I sometimes wear jeans with zippers going down the sides at the bottom of each leg ala 1980. The jeans are flared though, so maybe it’s not that bad. Got those from a thrift store as my I’m still too fat to fit into my regular jeans pants.

    I really need to do some clothes shopping.

  9. I see a pair of capris in these jeans’ next incarnation. Scissors, hem -hem, done! And every stitch of clothing I owned while we were in college fits the category of “crappy things I wore cuz they were on sale”. I’m afraid there were times when I didn’t even qualify for the BoM standard of “neat and comely”. So sad.

  10. I have ordered a white top and received a yellow one. I have ordered black pants and got sparkly blue ones but to date I have not yet received cow dung jeans. It’s really only a matter of time…

  11. Okay. Those are NOT totally horrible. I actually kinda like the design. They just picked the wrong color for it. It’s a color I even like. But it does give a very muddy first impression. I’d wear them, though. Especially if they fit.

  12. LOL at Royce’s comment.

    Whoa, I thought they were muddy too, until I read the post and looked closer.
    This unfortunate color choice ranks right up there with the pumpernickel breadsticks I made in haste one evening…my husband arranged them in neat little piles on the counter, and my friend dubbed it “Dumpernickel”.

  13. Steph, you are ruining my clueless husband reputation. It was me who said they looked like cow poop! An thanks to your friend who acknowleged the embarrassment I was trying to save me, I mean you.

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