Tag Archives: love

Loving what I love, on purpose.

Posted in Diapers, Divinity by

Winter is dreary.  I don’t care for it much.  Last year I got in a winter funk for a while, and the thing that helped me come out of it was realizing that I needed to pray to love what the Lord loves.  Doing that helped to to recognize the previously unrecognizable joy that can be found in what may be otherwise considered boring drudgery.  I did not start dancing around on tiptoes and whistling happy tunes all the time, but it really did help.

Today I realized that in addition to loving what the Lord loves, I need to do a better job of loving what I love.  It’s easy to focus too much on things that bug me, especially the things that repeat themselves over and over again.  I found today that I could distract myself from that kind of annoyed-out-of-my-brain-zone by thinking about stuff I really love and then intentionally reaching out for it.  This afternoon it was as simple as putting on some of my favorite tunes and singing along while I cleaned the kitchen.  When I realized what a positive effect that had on me, I started listing in my mind as many things as I could think of that I LOVE, and then I started planning out how to make those things a bigger part of my days.  So, for my own record-keeping purposes, and for your reading (or time-wasting) pleasure, I give you . . .

THE LIST OF THINGS I LOVE:

1.  Music I love: Latin music.  My Contemporary Latin channel on Pandora.com.  Alejandro Fernandez, Enrique Iglesias, Luis Miguel, Juanes, Soraya, Shakira.  I love it.  And on Sundays, I love having peaceful, inspirational music playing in the kitchen.  English is fine.  🙂

2.  Books I love: As I wrote about recently, I’ve rediscovered my love for reading.  I love a good book. I always love Jane Austen, and I’ve reread her books a couple times this last year.  I just finished Man’s Search for Meaning yesterday, and I started The Shadow of the Wind today.  Yay.

3.  Shows I love: Right now, I’m into watching Masterpiece Classics on Netflix after the kids go to bed.  Last night I watched a couple episodes of Jane Eyre.  I love watching House Hunters International on HGTV and pretending I’m house shopping throughout the world while I fold laundry.  One day Matt’s going to wake up and find out I accidentally bought a beach house in Nicaragua while he was sleeping.  I kind of like American Idol and shows like Top Chef or Project Runway.

4.  Things I love to look forward to: I love planning fantasy vacations, even though I rarely end up taking them.  My favorite travel site is travelzoo.com.  I find some kickin’ deals on there.  Last week I booked 4 nights in Cancun, all-inclusive, for all five of us, for $306.  !!!  I probably won’t end up going because I can’t find affordable airfare, but still.  (Never fear, I called and checked on the cancellation policy before I booked.)  Travel agent is high on my list of Jobs I Know I’d Be Awesome At (along with children’s librarian, restaurant critic, and real estate agent).  I also love to plan parties or group dates or girls’ nights or other get-togethers… not necessarily all the details of parties– I’m pretty simple, but I like to come up with reasons to have parties and have something to look forward to.

5.  Things I love to feel: Sunshine.  Sunshine and breeze are even better.  A warm fireplace.  My cozy bed.  Holding hands.  Soft, comfy clothes.  Warm socks.  The sound of wind blowing through leaves on the trees.  Hot cocoa in my hands.  Love. Contentment. The Holy Ghost.

6. Things I love to eat.  Lately I’ve been really craving baked sweets, like cupcakes or cookies– not healthy, I know, but it’s fun to bake something occasionally.  My favorite things to cook in the winter are crock pot comfort foods.  I make a really yummy chili, and I have a favorite soup, Salsa Chicken and Black Bean Soup, that I make a lot.  I love restaurants.  I don’t hate cooking, but I love to eat anything that other people make. 🙂

7.  Things I love to do with my children: There are plenty of things that I don’t like to do with my children.  I’m not a great play mom; I confess it and embrace it.  I do, however, love to read with my children.  I love to cuddle and read them stories, even better if it’s by a fire.  I love to play music and dance with them.  When it’s warmer, I like to camp with them and go on walks and hikes with them.  Lately we’ve been playing a card game called Monopoly Deal, and I actually like that better than most games.  (I’d rather stick forks in my eyes than play Candyland, but I digress.  This is about things I love.) I love to laugh with my children.  I love to take them to places that I love.  I especially love to take them to plays and theater productions.  I took Natalie to an Irish Dance show last week and I’m taking the boys to see a Broadway production of Peter Pan tonight.  I like family movie night.  I love one-on-one time with them.

10.  Things I love about Natalie (4): Her enthusiastic eyes.  She’s my brave food taster.  She remembers where everything is and always helps me find stuff.  She asks lots of questions and always understands the answers.  She loves her brothers and she ADORES her dad.  Her decided determination and positive confidence.  I can’t wait to see what a beautiful and good woman she will be.

11.  Things I love about Clark (6): His smile.  He really wants to do the right thing (sometimes it’s deep down).  He has a burning independent testimony of the gospel.  He is a quick learner and an avid reader.  He has always been a “bouncer”– he gets so excited about things that he can NOT sit still.  He is a great sharer.  Clark has feelings to the extreme:  when he is happy, it is joy.  When he is sad or angry, it’s all the way.  No one in the world loves good food as much as Clark.  I think he will surprise us with how much he can do and do well.

12.  Things I love about Grant (8): He is a sensitive soul and feels things deeply.  He is fiercely independent, and yet, doesn’t like to be alone.  He is a self-appointed leader.  He is smart and intuitive.  He is my cuddliest child; he loves and craves human touch.  He is generous and likes to heal people’s sadness.  He says the best prayers.  He’s going to be a great man, I can tell.

13.  Things I love about Matt: He is the best dad ever.  He gets me and likes me anyway.  He is a master apologizer and never criticizes (even when he should).  He has no idea how good he is.  My favorite part of my future.

14.  Things I love about myself: I am principle-driven and try to do what’s right.  I’m a pretty good problem solver and a peacemaker (if a determined conflict-avoider can be called thus).  I think I’m a good friend; I try hard to keep in touch with people I love, and I try to make them feel remembered and appreciated.  I try to give good advice.  I love to teach.

These are the things that I’m going to turn to when I start to forget how much there is to love, even on bad days.  There’s truly so much to be thankful for and to enjoy.

There are occasionally hard days for each of us. Do not despair. Do not give up. Look for the sunlight through the clouds. . . . Cultivate an attitude of happiness. Cultivate a spirit of optimism. . . . Let us not partake of the negative spirit so rife in our times. There is so much of the sweet and the decent and the beautiful to build upon. . . . I am asking that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life we “accentuate the positive.” I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good . . . What I am suggesting is that each of us turn from the negativism that so permeates our society and look for the remarkable good among those with whom we associate, that we speak of one another’s virtues more than we speak of one another’s faults, that optimism replace pessimism, that our faith exceed our fears. ”  — Gordon B. Hinckley

(Thanks to Erika who took these pictures of my family. She was fantastic and even brought us cookies.  Blogging has introduced me to such wonderful people.)

Why I might let Clark teach FHE every week

Posted in Divinity by

Occasionally I get into a funk where I know exactly what I should be doing in my life, but I feel a little bit too lazy to do it. I try hard to have realistic expectations for myself, so I’m not referring to to-do lists. I’m talking about the basics: Reading my scriptures, praying, serving my family with the right kind of attitude and fulfilling my role as the kind of mother I know the Lord wants me to be. Some days I feel worn down– and just lazy, I guess– and I rationalize that I need a break. I only feel like doing stuff I want to do, not the stuff I should do (which is obviously self-defeating because I’m denying myself the very blessings I need to get back on track).

Clark is 6. Last night he taught our family home evening lesson about service.  He bore his testimony at the end of his lesson:

“So if you know you should do service, but you really don’t want to because you just don’t feel like doing service even if someone tells you to, you still have to do it. Because service equals love.”

And that’s when the Holy Ghost reminded me of a lesson I learned earlier this year: When I struggle, I need to pray to love what the Lord loves. When I see the love, I see the joy.

We discussed the service we do for each other in our family, and Clark said that “if Mom was gone from our family, that would be horrible.  I would starve to death.”  He told us all to draw a picture of service and then we showed them to each other.  This is what my husband drew:

He said (pointing to the right side), “This is mommy putting socks in the washing machine,” and (then pointing to the left) “This is Jesus washing the feet of his disciples.”  The kids all giggled at his artwork, but I understood what he meant, and I love him for it.

“Follow me, and do the things which ye have seen me do.” (3 Nephi 31:12)

“Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.” (Matthew 25:40)

So, Clark pretty much got it right, didn’t he?  Service equals love.

GCBC Week 2: Because of Your Faith

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“Because of Your Faith”
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
Quorum of the Twelve Apostles
October 2010 General Conference
Saturday Morning Session

This is it, friends:  the official beginning of a new round of General Conference Book Club!  I am excited to have so many new people join us, and it’s sincerely my hope that participation in this book club will help us personally in our gospel study goals, and collectively as we share testimony, encouragement, and insight.  We will begin with Elder Holland’s beautiful talk, “Because of Your Faith.”  It seemed to me that the goal of this talk was simply validation– the bearing of testimony that our righteous efforts are seen by a loving Heavenly Father and appreciated by Him, by His servants, and by His church.  It was a lovely reminder that whatever contributions we make, no matter how small or insignificant or unnoticed they may seem, they are puzzle pieces in building God’s kingdom and in building ourselves.  When we offer our hearts and our service to Him, we are becoming what He wants us to be.  And He is pleased.

“I have struggled to find an adequate way to tell you how loved of God you are and how grateful we on this stand are for you. I am trying to be voice for the very angels of heaven in thanking you for every good thing you have ever done, for every kind word you have ever said, for every sacrifice you have ever made in extending to someone—to anyone—the beauty and blessings of the gospel of Jesus Christ.”

What are your favorite moments or quotes from this talk?  Is there anything you learned here that you had not considered before?  What stood out to you as you studied it?  And, most importantly, what did it make you feel or want to do?

Please share your thoughts in the comments below.  The comment thread is set up so that you can comment on and reply to each other’s comments as well.  Below each comment is a “reply” button.  If you are interested in receiving everyone’s responses, there is a box to check in the comment form that allows you to get all the follow-up comments by email.  Or you can come back and check out the progress of the post at anytime.

When you click on the link at the top of this post to read Elder Holland’s talk, you’ll see a page that looks like this:

Notice that on the right side, there are links that allow you to watch the video, listen to audio, print, download, etc.  There is also a link to the Study Notebook feature so that you can highlight and comment on the talk “in the margins.”

‘Twas the night before motherhood

Posted in Diapers, Divinity by

Today I dug through a trunk full of memories looking for a few specific things I’d promised to lend out.  You can’t look through a memory box without taking a journey far and deep.  I saw an autograph book from the 7th grade, photos of my grandparents in their twilight years, quotes saved from college Sunday school lessons, and a recipe box I made in Young Women.  Wrinkled in the corner, I found a folded piece of paper that had my handwriting on the outside:  A poem for Matt.  love, Stephanie

I figured it might be some cheesy love poem which I have no memory of ever writing.  I used to write quite a bit of poetry growing up.  After I served my mission and fell in love with the Spanish language, I wrote a lot of Spanish poetry.  I was pretty darn good at it, too, for a gringa— I even had several of them published in literary journals.  But I’ve written very little poetry since then, in any language.  So I was curious what had inspired me to write Matt a poem.  I opened the wrinkled paper.  It was dated Jan 7, 2003:  Four years since we met and just a few days before the birth of our first child.

Future’s Eve

Here we sit in the twilight of all our yesterdays,
still warm from the brightest rays, and full of memories.
The evening dews of destiny begin to fall,
beautiful and mysterious.
The tomorrows will be different days;
I am curious, but not afraid.
Thank you for harboring me in your friendship
and bearing me in your love.
In a magical way, that love defines our past
and will now somehow redefine our future.
We will be more than two, and yet, more at one.
The morning sun begins to break slowly through the unguessed dawn,
and the beams, like Spirit, fall gently upon us.
We go enhanced to the next day.

When Matt left for work this morning, I was having a moment of self-pity because Grant had almost missed the bus and Natalie was mid-meltdown.  “This will be my day,” I sighed as I looked at the small, weeping preschooler flopping and thrashing on the stairs.  He made some comment about how my life was so horrible and tortured, but he didn’t mean it and that’s not what I meant either, so I got annoyed.  I don’t think it’s an accident that I read this line today about how I had once anticipated parenthood to be:  “We will be more than two, and yet, more at one.”  Oh, how we need each other, but how easy it is to be selfish!

Children can draw a couple together in deeper ways than they ever thought possible.  I remember the days that Grant spent in the Pediatric ICU after unexplained seizures, and how Matt and I clung to each other and needed each others’ support so much.  And yet, when we are not careful, we can let their whims come between us, like a morning where a temper tantrum makes me pathetically dread the day rather than share a a goodbye hug with my husband and remind him how much I love him and still need him.

Every morning in parenthood is an “unguessed dawn;” We never know what it will bring, but we need each other and we definitely need the Lord.  When we let our selfish wish-lists go, and turn to the Lord to help us fill our unmet needs rather than demanding that someone else read our minds, heal our wounds, and solve our problems, I think the Spirit can work wonders.  And then, both individually and as partners, “We go enhanced to the next day.”

General Conference Book Club Week 21: Elder Oaks

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(Countdown to General Conference:  5 weeks!  Yay.)

Elder Dallin H. Oaks spoke during the Saturday afternoon session of General Conference.  His talk was called “Love and Law.” Elder Oaks was a lawyer by profession and eventually a Supreme Court Judge at the state level.  His entire career was dependent upon the understanding of and the application of law.

Although I had been taught about the Atonement my entire life, and had even served a mission and taught Gospel Doctrine in several wards, I did not realize that I grossly misunderstood the role of the Atonement until I attended a seminar in which the teacher carefully laid out the delicate balance between justice and mercy.  As I begin to understand the demands of each, and the urgent need for a perfect mediator, the Atonement came into focus for me.  The Atonement of Jesus Christ answers the demands of law and satisfies the requests of mercy.  In this talk by Elder Oaks, he outlines how important the role of law is in the gospel of Jesus Christ and how His love gives us access to mercy at a cost far less than its real worth.

The love of God does not supersede His laws and His commandments, and the effect of God’s laws and commandments does not diminish the purpose and effect of His love.

You can read the talk here, or watch it here, or listen to it here.  I invite you to study the talk with me and share what you learn about law and love and justice and mercy and you.  Elder Oaks declares that these principles can guide us in the teaching of our children;  What helpful patterns do you see that you can apply as a parent?

(If this is your first visit to the General Conference Book club, click here to learn more.)