Category Archives: Divinity

The spiritual side of motherhood.

Facing your own demons

Posted in Diapers, Divinity by

I believe that the hardest part of being a mother is learning things about yourself that you didn’t want to know.droppedimage1

Before I was a mother . . .

  • I did not know that after a full day of picking up toys and hounding others to do the same, a slew of inappropriate thoughts and words would come rushing into my mind when I stepped on a Mr. Potato Head piece at 2 a.m.

  • I had no idea that when I was awakened by a flashlight in my retina, spilled yogurt on the floor and the smell of a potty-training accident, it would take almost an entire day before I could let the angry feelings go.

  • I never thought that I would breathe out threatenings like a fiery dragon when my 4 1/2 year old still wouldn’t poop on the potty.

  • I wasn’t aware that when I function on almost no sleep, even the tiniest inconvenience can tip my scales and make me the wicked witch of the homestead.

  • I thought I was a morning person.

  • I even thought I was a patient and laid-back person. (laugh out loud)

  • I was punctual and responsible, and got really annoyed when other people were late.  I think I’ve been on time to 6 events in the last 5 years.

  • I certainly didn’t think I’d ever be one of those moms whose entire house is full of chaos and clutter.

(And don’t get me started on personal hygiene, and exercise and beauty routines …)

But the fact is, I did become a mom and I was forced to face some truths about myself that were quite shocking and disagreeable.  Whenever new moms ask for advice, I always say, “Be prepared to learn things about yourself that you don’t like.  It’s hard, but you’ll figure it out.”  Of course this realization is wonderful, too, because it’s exactly what makes us turn to our Savior for help.  Learning that we are not as strong as we thought we were makes us recognize how much we need Him.  I always loved the scripture in Ether 12:27, and even more now that I’m a mom:  “And if men [or women, or moms] come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”  I just love that.  Given the list above, how could I not?

(This entry was originally posted on August 23, 2008.  I’m trying to recreate my lost archives.)

My life was an inspirational movie, for about 12 seconds

Posted in Divinity by

Life as a mother of young children usually bounces back and forth between chaotic and monotonous, but there are occasionally profound moments that remind you of the power and importance behind what you’re doing, and without sounding overdramatic, your place in the universe. And so it was yesterday. We had a nice quiet Easter morning. The Easter Bunny came on Saturday, thus making it possible to have a nice, quiet Easter morning. The kids got dressed and we headed off to Church. By the time we got home, it was actually bordering warm outside, so they were anxious to play outside. Matt took them out to play while I stayed in and worked on getting Easter dinner ready.

I pulled my grandmother’s tablecloth out of the linen closet, and thought of her for a moment as I spread it across the table. I put the Easter lily in the center of the table, the one a checker lady at the grocery store gave us for free the other day because she said she “was just waiting for someone cute to come along.” (It had been partially broken earlier in the day, and the cute person she was waiting for was Natalie.) I couldn’t help but think it miraculous that it had held tight to its buds for several days and then chosen Easter morning to burst into bloom:
dscf2007As I wandered into the kitchen, I stood at the window and watched my children at play.  The ham was in the oven.  The potatoes were in the crock pot.  The song “Lead Kindly Light” was playing from my iPod, and there was sunshine coming in through the window.  I watched Clark precariously balanced on the monkey bars at the top of the swing set.  He was determined to get from one side to the other, but the distance between each rung was more than his arms and balance could reach.  I saw him slowly and deliberately sit on one rung at a time, lean to balance on his arms, and pull up one knee until his foot could reach over the rung.  He would transfer the foot to the next bar and then pull all his body weight across the gap, teetering while his trembling arms balanced his weight.  I felt anxious, half wanting to run out and save him from a 6-foot fall and a trip to the E.R., and half cheering him on.  He made it across, lowered himself down onto the slide, and grinned proudly as he propelled himself back to the ground.

The thought occurred to me that this was symbolic of our parent-child relationship.  As he grows older and becomes more and more independent, I will watch him through the figurative window.  I’ll worry when he seems close to danger, and I’ll celebrate as I see him triumph.  And then, with the leftovers of Easter lessons and thoughts floating around in my mind, I realized it was a symbol of the relationship I have with Jesus Christ.  I try to be so independent, and sometimes I am clumsy.  He could come rescue me each time I struggle, but He lets me work through things.  He helps me develop the skills and confidence I need to face the next round of challenges.  If I do fall, He always catches me and heals me.  And He cheers me on all along the way as I try and try again.

I snapped out of my thoughtful trance and as my eyes refocused, I noticed for the very first time that buds had begun to grow on the tree outside my kitchen window.  After a long and dreadful winter, and the thoughts I just had about my Savior, it was a miracle.  That tree was the first real sign of Spring that I had seen, and a reminder of the power of Easter and the promise of renewal.

budding-leavesAnd all that happened in about 12 seconds or so.  It really felt like a magical, transcendent moment with a soundtrack and everything, and then it was over.  Natalie needed a diaper change, the table had to be set, and I found a rotten sippy cup that needed to be cleaned.  But it was nice while it lasted, and it was a poignant Easter moment.

(This post was entered in the April Write-away Contest at Scribbit.)

“Don’t cry over spilt milk.” Seriously?

Posted in Diapers, Divinity by

(This post was originally published on August 20, 2008.  I’m trying to recreate my lost archives.)

dscf1430Maybe your children are cleaner than mine, but I honestly think that we average about 5 spills a day at my house.  Milk, cereal bowls, yogurt, toothpaste, boxes of anything small and impossible to pick up, the list goes on and on. Here is a picture taken just today of a routine cereal box tumble.  Is this kind of clumsiness really necessary?  I’ve thought about this long and hard because it boggles my mind about why God would want this spill routine to be a part of my daily experience.  And, let’s be honest; He probably doesn’t want it to be, but He allows it to be.  That usually means there’s a lesson to be learned.

  1. We have to clean up our own messes. I think it’s important that my children know that whether we were careless or intentional, we need to make it better.  Let’s work together and clean up.  I know a few adults (and I’m sure you do too) that don’t accept responsibility for their mistakes and then leave all the fixing to someone else.  I believe that our Heavenly Father looks at our mistakes with mercy, but He wants us to be accountable for them and do all in our power to make it better.  And just like a mom will be by your side to help you pick up the pieces when you spill, He will be by our side picking up the pieces of our own mistakes if we turn to Him for help.
  2. Maybe my plans aren’t that important. A big part of the frustration for me is that every time there’s another spill I have to spend 10-15 minutes cleaning it up instead of doing something else I think I should be doing.  Is it possible that Heavenly Father is giving me a gentle reminder over and over again that what I think I have to do doesn’t matter that much?  I doubt he considers cleaning up the spill a monumental task with eternal consequences, but why are my own plans any more important?  So maybe each spill is just a little “get over your own agenda” reminder.
  3. Be patient. I mean, seriously, if mushy cereal on my kitchen floor is among the greatest trials in my life, I really need to put a smile back on my face and move on with my day.  Remember how the scripture says “charity is kind, patient, long-suffering, etc.”?; I’m sure there’s a footnote in there somewhere that says, “and charity wipes up spills with a smile.”  Ugh.  I’ll work on that.  I’m sure I’ll have the chance again tomorrow.

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Happy Easter, everyone.  Check back on Sunday (probably evening) for Round 1 of General Conference Book Club.

Pondering the Passover

Posted in Divinity by

passoverToday marks the celebration of the Passover.  In the Christian faith, this tradition draws upon two significant events:  The protection of the Israelites from the final Egyptian plague, and the last supper that Christ held with his disciples before he surrendered to Gethsemane and Calvary.

I remember reading someone’s story recently where they defended their faith in prophets to a skeptic listener.  The friend asked, “So if your prophet told everybody they should wear blue shirts, would you do it?”  The woman thought for a moment and then responded.  “Yes, I probably would.”  The friend sneered, “Don’t you think it would be a little strange?,” to which she replied, “The Israelites probably thought it was a little strange when Moses told them to put blood on their doors, but I bet they were glad they did.”  I loved that, and I’ve thought of it many times since.

And then a couple weeks ago, I studied this story with my own children in scripture study.  And it struck me how such a simple act, when followed, literally saved the lives of God’s people.  Similar, too was the story of the fiery serpents killing off folks in the wilderness, and when they just looked at the brazen serpent up on a rod, they would be healed.  Life literally preserved because of one simple act of faith.  So then I began to think about how many “passover commandments” exist that hold that same kind of power and promise of protection.  A couple came instantly to mind and I’ve tried to research out a few more.

Now, at my house, there are definitely some passover commandments– simple rules to live by that will save your life.  Here are a few no-brainers:

  • Thou shalt not wake up thy mother by opening her eyelids with thy fingers and shining a flashlight directly into her cornea.
  • Thou shalt not leave gross, sticky or wet things on the floor and forget to warn daddy when he walks through the room in his socks.
  • Thou shalt not lift up the covers and let thy children crawl into bed next to thy wife in the middle of the night; She careth not how “asleep” thou claimest to be when it happeneth.
  • If thou art above the age of three and still weareth night-time diapers, thou shalt diligently throw them away in the garage, and hide them not where thou thinkest thy mother will find them not.  For behold she shall, and great shall be her wrath.
  • Thou shalt not make vain repetitions to thy mother of the same pathetic request over and over, especially if thy voice is a whining siren.

Those are just some examples of life-preserving counsel in our home that I can think of off the top of my head.  But seriously, I’ve been very impressed at the many times and ways that our Heavenly Father offers all of us full protection for simple obedience, even against great adversity.  Take for example this scripture in Doctrine and Covenants 10:5-6:

Pray always, that you may come off conqueror; yea, that you may conquer Satan, and that you may escape the hands of the servants of Satan that do uphold his work.    Behold, they have sought to destroy you…

How about tithing?  Check out Malachi 3: 10-11:

Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it. And I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes, and he shall not destroy…

The Armor of God scriptures in Ephesians 6 remind us to arm ourselves with faith, the word of God and other Christlike attributes, and then makes a promise that seems to follow this same passover pattern:

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

One of the more obvious ones, because of its particular phrasing, is the Word of Wisdom found in Doctrine and Covenants 89.  Here is what Elder Russell M. Nelson said about it:

“The final verse of that revelation forges another link back to ancient Israel: “And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the destroying angel shall pass by them, as the children of Israel, and not slay them” (D&C 89:21). This reference to the Passover shows that the Lord wanted obedient Saints of modern Israel to receive physical and spiritual protection just as He had provided for His faithful followers centuries before.”

del_parson_last_supper_400Anyway, I could go on and on because there are probably many more examples of passover commandments, but I don’t want to bore you (more).  I just think it’s fascinating that a historical event we see as such a poignant miracle is still in effect today as we keep God’s commandments.  Our lives and souls are protected.  Even at Jesus Christ’s last supper, as He and his dear friends celebrated Passover together, He reminded them of the power of the destroyer: “And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat:  But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not. (Luke 22:31)”  He taught them that He had power over Satan.  This power is accessible to us when coupled with our faith in Christ.  I doubt it’s a coincidence that he made this statement immediately after introducing the ordinance of the Sacrament.  The power comes from keeping covenants.  As we take the sacrament each week, we renew a passover covenant so to speak.  And essentially, this is exactly what the children of Israel did on that first Passover long ago.  God asked them to do something.  They obeyed.  And they were preserved.

sacrament

I think these verses in Isaiah wrap it up so nicely:

For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee.  . . . No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord.

I just really love the messages of Easter time, don’t you?

(Sorry this is so long.  I just told Matt that this was more of an Ensign article than a post, and he assured me that no one will read it.  If you made it this far, you deserve a treat.  You have my blessing.)

General Conference: a crash course in good guilt

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Dnews Sunday AM ConferenceFor any of my readers unfamiliar with the Mormon faith, we believe in a living prophet and twelve apostles.  Every 6 months, the membership of the church worldwide participates in General Conference, usually watching on TV by satellite as these prophets, seers and revelators teach us about the doctrine of Christ.  It’s kind of a modern-day Sermon on the Mount.  Anyway, it’s one of my favorite times of the year; a time of spiritual refueling and a re-commitment to things that I know are true and right.

I like to think that I’ve matured spiritually a little bit over the years.  I personally believe that one of the signs of spiritual maturity is to listen to talks and lessons and seek for ways to apply the principles to my own life instead of thinking things like, “I hope so-and-so is paying attention to this,” or “The such-and-such family should really hear this talk.”  I’ve finally determined that passing off a teaching to another is a wasted opportunity to better myself.  Having said that, I can totally understand Matt’s excitement to run home from the Priesthood session of Conference on Saturday night and say to me, “You’ll never guess what President Uctdorf said.  You’re going to die!”  I raised an eyebrow while he flipped through his notes.  “He said Don’t spend hours and hours creating a blog and neglecting your children.”

So I have decided to leave the church.

Just kidding.

This leads me to the concept of conference-induced guilt.  And like the title of my post says, it’s a good thing.  What I feel is not a Boy-you’re-making-a-lot-of-mistakes-and-you-are-a-failure feeling, but rather a humbling You-are-trying-but-you-can-do-better feeling.  And it’s good for me.  It motivates me, reminds me, encourages me.  It re-converts me.

So here is a list of things that I learned from General Conference this weekend.  Some are things that were specifically said.  Many are thoughts that came into my mind and heart as I listened.

  1. I’m thankful that there are living prophets on the earth.
  2. My children have been driving me crazy this past week, but I love them.  I need to make them a priority.  And besides teaching them, I need to pray for them and ask God to bless them to grow up righteous and obedient.
  3. I need to laugh more instead of getting bugged.
  4. The temple is important.  As the world gets crazier, the need for the peace of the temple will grow and grow.  Maybe I can eliminate something from my budget so that I can pay a regular babysitter and put temple attendance as a regular item on my calendar.
  5. I don’t even know what real adversity is.  My life, though sometimes emotionally challenging is a piece of cake compared to some of the great challenges other people have faced.  Instead of complaining about my bad days, I should be grateful for my abundant blessings and ease.
  6. I  need to be more worried about what God thinks than what anyone else thinks.
  7. The depth of Jesus Christ’s Atonement is awesome.  I am reminded that my small, occasional feelings of loneliness  can be swallowed up and comforted by a loving, completely understanding Savior.  (Elder Holland’s was my very favorite talk.)
  8. Satan is working hard to destroy things that are important.  When I get in a grumpy funk, I’m not the best companion in the world.  I need to be careful that I don’t let that kind of temptation/distraction be a detriment to my marriage. I’m sure Satan would love to see it fail.
  9. I can give a little more to my calling at church.  My Sundays should be spent in service to others.  Ask myself, “How can I bless people today?”  Perhaps I need to visit more of the children to show love to them.  I need to teach reverence and respect to the Primary children, starting with my own example.
  10. When someone is lost or stranded spiritually, we should reach out to them and not judge.

I’m sure that when I re-read the talks in the Ensign magazine, many other things will stand out to me and I will again desire to do better.  Is anyone interested in having an online Ensign Book Club?  We could schedule one talk a week to study from the most recent conference, and then have an in-post discussion about our favorite parts and insights– lessons we learn, things to work on, etc.  I’m not sure about all the details, but I would love to have a forum where we could study something together and report to each other about our insight.  Just a thought.

How was Conference for you?