Category Archives: Divinity

The spiritual side of motherhood.

Open mouth, insert cork (to keep the foot out).

Posted in Divinity by

“Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing a tempting moment.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

I sometimes think I’m kind of funny.  In fact, I’ve long thought my wit was one of my more attractive qualities.  I can make a quick, snappy comeback to most situations and usually elicit some laughter.  I hate fighting and contention, but I love clever banter.  In fact, I often use humor as a way to diffuse a potentially volatile environment.  This will make sense to any Austen fans out there, but one of the reasons I love Elizabeth Bennett in Pride and Prejudice is her gift for smart and funny conversation, like the time when she and Jane are both lamenting her single status right after Jane and Mr. Bingley became engaged:

Jane Bennet: Oh, Lizzie, if I could but see you happy. If there were such another man for you.
Elizabeth Bennet: Perhaps Mr. Collins has a cousin.

I love that kind of laughing away an awkward situation.  There’s obviously a place for humor:

“Find happiness in ordinary things, and keep your sense of humor.”  ~ President Boyd K. Packer

“There is certainly no defence against adverse fortune which is, on the whole, so effectual as an habitual sense of humor.”~ Thomas Wentworth Storrow Higginson, quoted by President James E. Faust

However, in the last couple weeks my “humor” has made a couple of bad situations worse.  My attempts to make a witty comment left some people offended, and upon reflection, in both cases I realize they thought I was making light of their struggle.  So, I’ve been eating a little humble pie Continue reading →

‘Twas the night before motherhood

Posted in Diapers, Divinity by

Today I dug through a trunk full of memories looking for a few specific things I’d promised to lend out.  You can’t look through a memory box without taking a journey far and deep.  I saw an autograph book from the 7th grade, photos of my grandparents in their twilight years, quotes saved from college Sunday school lessons, and a recipe box I made in Young Women.  Wrinkled in the corner, I found a folded piece of paper that had my handwriting on the outside:  A poem for Matt.  love, Stephanie

I figured it might be some cheesy love poem which I have no memory of ever writing.  I used to write quite a bit of poetry growing up.  After I served my mission and fell in love with the Spanish language, I wrote a lot of Spanish poetry.  I was pretty darn good at it, too, for a gringa— I even had several of them published in literary journals.  But I’ve written very little poetry since then, in any language.  So I was curious what had inspired me to write Matt a poem.  I opened the wrinkled paper.  It was dated Jan 7, 2003:  Four years since we met and just a few days before the birth of our first child.

Future’s Eve

Here we sit in the twilight of all our yesterdays,
still warm from the brightest rays, and full of memories.
The evening dews of destiny begin to fall,
beautiful and mysterious.
The tomorrows will be different days;
I am curious, but not afraid.
Thank you for harboring me in your friendship
and bearing me in your love.
In a magical way, that love defines our past
and will now somehow redefine our future.
We will be more than two, and yet, more at one.
The morning sun begins to break slowly through the unguessed dawn,
and the beams, like Spirit, fall gently upon us.
We go enhanced to the next day.

When Matt left for work this morning, I was having a moment of self-pity because Grant had almost missed the bus and Natalie was mid-meltdown.  “This will be my day,” I sighed as I looked at the small, weeping preschooler flopping and thrashing on the stairs.  He made some comment about how my life was so horrible and tortured, but he didn’t mean it and that’s not what I meant either, so I got annoyed.  I don’t think it’s an accident that I read this line today about how I had once anticipated parenthood to be:  “We will be more than two, and yet, more at one.”  Oh, how we need each other, but how easy it is to be selfish!

Children can draw a couple together in deeper ways than they ever thought possible.  I remember the days that Grant spent in the Pediatric ICU after unexplained seizures, and how Matt and I clung to each other and needed each others’ support so much.  And yet, when we are not careful, we can let their whims come between us, like a morning where a temper tantrum makes me pathetically dread the day rather than share a a goodbye hug with my husband and remind him how much I love him and still need him.

Every morning in parenthood is an “unguessed dawn;” We never know what it will bring, but we need each other and we definitely need the Lord.  When we let our selfish wish-lists go, and turn to the Lord to help us fill our unmet needs rather than demanding that someone else read our minds, heal our wounds, and solve our problems, I think the Spirit can work wonders.  And then, both individually and as partners, “We go enhanced to the next day.”

My favorite comma

Posted in Diapers, Divinity by

Matt tried to give me a pep talk this morning in our bathroom before he left for work.  (I think I looked as tired as I felt.)  “You can do it.  Be a laundry demon!  You’re a super mom.  You’re awesome.”  I looked at him out of the side of my eyes and said, “Go walk from here to the kitchen and look all around you the whole way.  Imagine everything you see is your job to take care of today, and then tell me how awesome it feels.”  He smiled.  He knows.

I started thinking about Sister Beck’s recent talk (I already blogged about it some) about the doctrine of the family, and her expressed concern that the youth are not confident about forming families.  I thought about how mornings like mine, and kitchens like mine, might be the reason for some of their apprehension.  I get it.  It’s daunting.  It’s certainly not convenient or easy.  But my mind kept reflecting on Sister Beck’s affirmation that the business of family is a “faith-based work” and that Heavenly Father helps us to do it.  We can’t do family, or anything that really matters, without his help.  We need faith; We have to believe it matters and we have to believe He’ll help us.  And He does.  I’ve marveled recently that despite my February funk (my lazy eye), He has not left me comfortless.  I can think of times that I know He stepped in and saved the day as an answer to weak, mumbled, random prayers.  He has blessed me when I have not endeavored to deserve His blessings.  I think this is why:

Faith is a gift, you know.  And like all spiritual gifts, we have access to it when we want it and seek it, or even simply hope for it.  There’s a scripture that I love in the Doctrine and Covenants section 46 because it uses my favorite comma in the scriptures— a comma that brings blessings within my reach by qualifying a statement that seems otherwise impossible.  In this section, the Lord encourages us to develop spiritual gifts.  He mentions many of them (such as testimony, Spirit, faith, wisdom and miracles), and then He says about these gifts— I’ll highlight the part with my favorite comma—

For verily I say unto you, they are given for the benefit of those who love me and keep all my commandments, and him that seeketh so to do; that all may be benefited that seek or that ask of me . . .

Even when we are in a funk, even when we know there is more we should be doing but just can’t quite get it all together, God knows our hearts, our desires, knows that we seek to love Him and keep all his commandments, and He blesses us with gifts we feel we don’t deserve.  He gives us faith to continue doing the important work we do.  Whether we recognize those gifts or not, they are still gifts and they keep us going.  We do the faith-based work of family because God blesses us with the faith we need when he knows we want to do what’s right.

So I’m off to see what the “laundry demon” in me can do, with a little help of course.  Maybe God will give me the gift to not notice the kitchen while I’m on my way.

Lazy eye

Posted in Divinity by

I’m no vision expert, but I believe a lazy eye is when one eye is misaligned, doesn’t focus simultaneously with the other eye, and loses its ability to see details.  It’s an analogy for how I’ve felt ever since I got back from our vacation.  February here is quite bleak, especially compared with Florida.  Part of me knows exactly what I should be doing around the house and in pursuit of my own personal goals.  Another part of me– the lazy eye– just doesn’t feel like it, and would rather do lots of other non-productive, low-effort things.

My back yard has looked a whole lot like this the last week or so:

And all I want to do is sit by this:

And watch or read this:

I KNOW I should do this (except with more clothes on):

and a lot more of this kind of stuff:

But I’ve felt so lazy, and I’ve been allowing myself to become distracted.  It’s easy to be distracted– sometimes by my own cares and moods, sometimes by lesser things.   But it’s a yucky feeling because I can do so much better, and it’s much easier when I’m consistent about doing the things that inspire me.  So, I’m recommitting myself to this (fast forward video to about 5:30 for the most applicable points):

So, yeah, February kind of bites, but I’m powerful.  God has asked me for “an eye single to His glory,” and when I focus on what matters most, especially with BOTH eyes, He makes me fit for whatever life requires of me.  Anybody else out there struggling with focus right now?  Let’s reclaim our wandering eye together.  I declare today the last day of my funk.

The problem with princesses

Posted in Divinity by

Natalie put on her leotard and admired her ballerina self in the mirror.  She twisted a little to watch the fancy sway of her sheer skirt.  She looked at the flower barette in her hair and grinned at herself.  I saw her grab her sleeves and tug on them.  First one side, then the other.  She was trying to make the neckline stretch out over her shoulders.  She would uncover one side and the other side would snap back into place, so she tried with both hands to make the neckline wider and more revealing.

“What are you doing?,” I asked.  She shrugged.

Then a lightbulb went off. “Are you trying to look like Belle?”

Natalie smiled and nodded, a little embarrassed that I had discovered her thoughts.

“Oh,” I said, understandingly, “Belle is very pretty, isn’t she?  But Belle’s dress is not very modest.  We know we shouldn’t show our bodies, right?”

She nodded yes, remembering and understanding, and pulled her cute little sleeves back into place.  After admiring herself for another few seconds, she pranced off to play.  I was surprised by how impressionable these little ones are, in ways I hadn’t quite expected.  Just a few days ago, I thought this was adorable:

Now I’m feeling a tiny bit cautious.

Ezra Taft Benson said to young women around the world:

“Remember who you really are and the divine heritage that is yours. You are literally the royal daughters of our Heavenly Father. . . . You have been born at this time for a sacred and glorious purpose. It is not by chance that you have been reserved to come to earth in this last dispensation of the fulness of times. Your birth at this particular time was foreordained in the eternities. You are to be royal daughters of the Lord in the last days. You are the youth of the noble birthright.”

Silva H. Allred gave these great reminders:

The Lord has commanded us to teach our children important truths, and teaching modesty and virtue is one of our most vital responsibilities.

Some of the important concepts we should highlight in our teaching include the following:

  • You are a child of God.
  • Your body is a temple. It is a gift from God.
  • Modesty in dress, thought, attitude, and behavior invites the companionship of the Holy Ghost and reflects your personal commitment to the gospel.
  • The way you dress and behave sends messages to others about your attitudes and how you feel about yourself.
  • You can be attractive without being immodest.

As parents, we need to speak frankly about these natural tendencies but also about the importance and value of self-discipline that Heavenly Father requires us to learn as we overcome the “natural man” (see Mosiah 3:19). In this case, that refers to dressing and acting in a modest manner.

I realize that the infraction is small, but it got me thinking.  I just wish that, even in the cartoon world, princesses understood that with royalty comes responsibility.