Self-mastery

I’m perhaps dipping my toe into a pool of controversy, but I’m going to try to express some thoughts I’ve had amidst all the reaction to President Packer’s recent conference talk.  First of all, many people have assumed that he was referring to a single issue (homosexuality), when a more careful study reveals that he was addressing many and any of the plagues that men and women struggle with.  He acknowledges that they are tragically difficult and promises that the power of the priesthood can help God’s children find their way out of dark places.

I believe the underlying message (not only of his talk, but of Heavenly Father’s plan for us) is self-mastery . . . with God’s help.

Our eternal destiny as children of God is an immense and incomprehensible concept, but I think it can be simply wrapped up in 1.) our sanctification through the blood of Jesus Christ and 2.) our roles in eternal families.  Jesus Christ and family (which by default, includes marriage) are key elements of our exaltation.  God has given us both commandments and covenants as guideposts toward all the blessings that both can offer us.

Therefore, it seems obvious that some of the greatest challenges we face in our life are temptations designed to remove us from the Spirit of Christ and distance us from righteous family relationships.  We are human– spirits in temporal bodies– and we “naturally” have desires, urges, impulses, laziness, etc. that make it easy for us to give into temptation and ignore commandments and covenants.  Unfortunately, for this reason, “the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father. (Mosiah 3:19)”

A basic restatement of “putteth off the natural man” is to resist the temptations and desires that take us away from God, and “becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ” is simply a reminder to repent, be forgiven and recommit.

The natural man is something we’re born with (it’s part of mortal experience), but so is the ability to overcome it.  There is no inborn automatic, uncontrollable surrender to temptation.  There is, however, an inborn spirit child of God with a remarkable power of agency.

The invitations of the natural man are many, and are often tailored to individuals:

selfishness
vanity
pornography
infidelity
homosexuality
laziness
substance abuse
obsession with distractions (pop culture, computers, gaming, motorcycles, other hobbies, etc.)
and the list goes on…

What makes me uncomfortable about all the lashing out regarding the homosexuality issue is that it completely diminishes the struggle that every single person is trying to make to overcome their temptations of the natural man.  There are married men who look away when scantily-clad women walk past on the sidewalk.  There are single men who turn off the computer when they feel tempted to look at pornography, and they exert themselves greatly to keep their thoughts clean.  There are women who struggle to overcome alcoholism and dig deep to find the strength to do what’s right when they really, really want to take a drink.  There are single adults, both male and female, who resist sexual advances because, even though they would love to feel loved, they believe in and live by the law of chastity.  Others do not marry because they are not presented with an opportunity to do so in the way they feel is right.  For many of them, this could mean years and years of celibacy and some significant loneliness.  There are those who struggle with social anxiety, but try to overcome their fears and do their home teaching and reach out to others in service.  Each of these carry a burden that is intensely personal.  All of these people have “natural” desires to give in or give up, but they don’t.  Many of them may have struggled with these issues since childhood and, yet, they strive to master themselves because of their love for Christ or family or even self.  They have a testimony of commandments and covenants, they sacrifice for the things that matter most to them, and they obey.

It is “natural” that when we desire to do something, we want it to be our right to do it.  I believe President Packer was saying, in part, that we should all spend more effort doing what’s right, and less effort trying to redefine what is right.  When it comes to commandments, there is no double standard.  Regardless of the audience, each commandment is affixed to blessings and consequences.  The Lord asks obedience of all his children because he wants to bless all of his children; he does not target certain populations.  Gay, straight, married, single, avoiding, recovering, poor, wealthy, all– He expects us to use our powerful gift of agency to choose obedience over temptation.

Self-mastery is hard.  It is never the easy choice, but it is the easiest way to be blessed.  Like President Packer said at the conclusion of his talk, the Lord will work with us as we try to master ourselves.  He will even heal us where we are wounded, and He will do so with great kindness, tenderness, mercy and love.  He is, after all, the greatest Master that ever lived.

General Conference Meme and Trivia Contest

Who knew General Conference could be so much fun?

First, the new round of General Conference Book Club started already.  Go here if you want to participate this time.

Second, the meme.  Make a post on your blog with your answers to the questions below.  Then paste the link to your post in the comments here so we can all go read about your General Conference Highlights.  (If I were a real blogger, I’d know how to do one of those blog carnival- Mr. Linky things, but alas, I don’t.  Sorry.)

Here are my own answers.  (If you want a cleaner cut-and-paste of the questions, you can get them here.)

General Conference Highlights, October 2010:

1.  Who were your three favorite speakers?

Elder Holland (but my kids were still getting settled into Conference mode, so I need to go back and watch it again), President Uctdorf, and Elder Lawrence

2.  Favorite talk?

Elder Bednar’s talk about daily striving for the Holy Ghost, mostly because it had some specific answers I was seeking.

3.  Favorite hymn sung during Conference?

I have two.  One was “Home is where the Heart Is” sung by the family choir, and the other was “Lead, Kindly Light.”  But most of the music was just beautiful.  I especially loved hearing Clark sing along to “I am a Child of God” at the top of his lungs from our couch.

4.  Who wore the best tie?

I’d have to give the fashion props to Bishop Richard C. Edgely for his PURPLE striped tie.  Nice.

5.  Do you think conference had a “theme”?

Well, yes and no.  I felt like the Saturday morning session theme could have been “Simple Christian Discipleship,” and Saturday afternoon’s was more like “Exercise faith despite Satan’s efforts to destroy agency.”  On Sunday, the topics were more varied, so I didn’t see an obvious theme among them.  All great, though.

6.  Share a few of your favorite quotes (paraphrasing is fine).

I got a little carried away here.  Don’t feel like you need to do this many.

“Parents do not need to be perfect, just honest and sincere. . . . The world will teach our children if we do not.”  Sister Wixom

“The Lord will not repeat to us individually what he has already revealed to us collectively.”  Elder McConkie

“True success comes in consecrating our time and choices to God’s purposes.”  Elder Christofferson

“We are responsible for our own faith or lack of it. . . . When you don’t understand something, bridge the gap with your faith and move on.”  Bishop Edgely

“When we always remember Him, He can stand with us at all times, in all things, and in all places.” Elder Gong

“The road of discipleship is not for the spiritually faint of heart.”  Elder Andersen

“We become what we want to be by being what we want to become.” Elder Scott

“Our agency is more powerful than the adversary and his will.”  President Packer

“A prayerful life is the key to developing gratitude.”  President Monson

“Tell the brethren if they will follow the Spirit of the Lord, they will go right.”  Elder Bednar, quoting Joseph Smith

“There are no perfect parents, but there are principles of truth we can rely on.”  Elder Lawrence

7.  Something that made you smile during conference.

Elder Holland talking about women who spend a week at girls camp without mascara, plus his referring to quilts, jello and funeral potatoes.  And President Monson taking credit for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir’s great music.

8.  Any evidence that your children paid attention?

I loved watching my boys take notes during President Monson’s talk, and then reading what they wrote.  I could see they were really paying attention.  Natalie did much better this time around and got excited each time she saw the prophet.  At one point, when Elder Lawrence made the analogy of saving your daughter from on oncoming train on the tracks, Clark turned to me and said, “You’d do that for Natalie, right?”  I nodded yes, and he said, “Definitely!”

9.  If you had to give a talk in General Conference (don’t faint, this is hypothetical), what do you think you’d speak about?

This question is a lot harder to answer than I thought it would be, but if I woke up tomorrow and found out I had to go give a talk right then, I think it would be about our small and simple acts as symbols of the Savior and his mission, probably with an emphasis on motherhood.

10.  What are some of your post-conference goals?

Oh, so many.  Here are a few:  Make my use of time reflect what I value most.  Be more Christ-like in my marriage.  Don’t just see what is lacking, but be grateful for what I have.  Be more prayerful.  Be more stripling– obedient with exactness, strict to remember from day to day.  Make home-for-dinner a priority.

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Third, our General Conference trivia contest.  Again, I wish I had blog skills and could create some cool form so you could submit your answers and no one else could see them, but I’m not that high-tech.  So send me your answers in an email to dd.stephanie@gmail.com.  (Make sure you tell me your name.) The winner will get President Monson’s recently-released biography:

1.  Name two of the new temples that were announced.

2.  What did President Monson ask young couples to begin preparing for now?

3.  Two different speakers based their talk on the same previous talk about Following the Prophet.  Who gave it originally?

4. Elder McConkie said that “what matters most in learning is the attitude of  (whom) “?

5.  According to President Uctdorf, in family relationships, love is spelled … (how?)…?

6.  What happened to Elder Hales as a young boy when his dad asked him to varnish the floor?

7.   President Brigham Young once said that moving to (where?) was “out of the frying pan into the fire, and out of the fire onto the floor.”

8.  One young missionary offered to marry Elder Gong’s wife after she did what?

9.  President Packer told parents to “Wake up and understand what’s going on!”  What plague was he referring to?

10.  What did the children in one elementary school decide to vote on during show and tell?  (from President Packer’s talk)

11.  President Monson told the story of a family who lost all their crops due to rain, but were still grateful.  What did they eat for their Thanksgiving dinner?

12.  Elder Bednar told a story about Joseph Smith speaking to the President of the United States.  When he inquired about the difference between our religion and others, what was one of the points Joseph answered him?

13.  Elder Malm spoke about a hollow tree he saw lining a street in Sweden.  What did he see when he looked inside the hole?

14.  Elder Allred told his wife’s story about working on a farm.  What happened that caused her to exclaim, “You stupid cow!!”?

15.  Elder Ballard compared Satan’s tricks and counterfeits to what outdoor sport?

Matching— topic to speaker:

16.  The consecrated life              A. Elder Richard G. Scott

17.  Choose faith                            B. Elder Larry Lawrence

18.  Character and integrity         C.  Bishop Richard C. Edgely

19.  Courageous parenting           D.  Elder D. Todd Christofferson

20.  Trust in God                           E.  President Henry B. Eyring

TIEBREAKER:  Which speaker lost his voice in the middle of his talk?

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Yay.  Good luck!  Remember, post your meme link in the comments.  Send your trivia answers to my email.  I’ll announce the winner on Wednesday.  (If there’s a tie for number of correct answers, I’ll do a drawing among the winners.)

Apples to apples, Souls to souls



Women compare themselves, especially mothers.
I know that’s a broad statement, but I think it’s accurate. Even if we happen to be kind of confident about the way we do things, when we see someone else doing something well, we make a mental note on our list of Things Others Do Better.  My own list looks something like this:

hosting playdates
staying on top of laundy
fixing children’s hair and making sure they have on socks
cooking
sewing
gardening and canning
wearing make up
immaculate homes
time management
punctuality
self-discipline
and a million etceteras …..

… which I would like to point out is ridiculous. I could make a list of things I do well, too, but I won’t, because for some twisted reason it’s a lot easier to list our faults than it is our strengths.  I just realized that there is an illogical jump from “others do it better” to “I do it poorly.”  How silly is it to let another person’s strength define our “weakness”?

The universe testifies to us that God’s creations are supposed to be different.  Consider the following, Continue reading

Sleep: a mother’s most valuable resource

Do you love bedtime as much as I do?  Sleep is a healer.

At the end of a long day, the only thing better than three small children tucked into bed is their haggard mother pulling up her own covers, wrapping them around her shoulder, tucking them under her chin and closing her eyes.  Breath flows slow and deep and there’s silence. Part of the reason that I love the time when children are sleeping is because it’s how I refuel in almost every way:  reading, talking to Matt, blogging, watching a show I recorded, talking to a friend on the phone… but I think the most important thing during that block of time is that I get two prayers and scripture study and rest before they’re up again.  That’s some serious mom ammunition.

I remember when I got married, some well-meaning person said “Never go to bed angry.”  I can only assume that 95% of her brain doesn’t stop working at about 7 p.m. like mine does.  If I walk away from stress and tuck myself into bed, I am so much better prepared to face a new day.  Frustration fades, small infractions are more easily forgotten, and I’m just in a better mood all the way around.

Some women have fantasies of shopping sprees or exotic vacations or that the game Candyland might come to life.  Those would all be nice, but when I get overwhelmed or anxious, I tend to fantasize about 36 uninterrupted hours in a hotel room all by myself with a huge comfortable bed.  Sigh.

Anyway, I saw these two quotes the other day, and they helped me see another reason sleep is precious.  It’s a mark of victory, evidence of another day conquered.

Anyone can carry his burden, however hard, until nightfall.  Anyone can do his work, however hard, for one day.  Anyone can live sweetly, patiently, lovingly, purely, till the sun goes down.  And this is all life really means.  ~Robert Louis Stevenson

Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace.  ~Victor Hugo

We only have to do our best one day at a time.  Then we rest and start again.  It’s practically like being born again every day.  So go to bed already; tomorrow’s gonna rock.

It’s that time of year: General Conference packets and preparation

In case you’ve landed here via a search engine, for the most recent packets and resources, go here.

The countdown to General Conference has begun.  This coming weekend is the general Relief Society broadcast, and then on October 2-3, we will have the opportunity to hear the Lord’s voice:  “whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same” (D&C 1:38). I love General Conference, especially when I prepare for it.  I get answers to questions I’ve prayed about, and even insight into questions I haven’t asked, but the Lord knows I have.  General Conference recharges my spiritual batteries.  It deepens my faith in my Heavenly Father, in His plan, and in myself.  Here are a few links to help you begin your General Conference preparations.

The Church has provided this page with some print-outs and computer games to help children prepare for General Conference.

The following are all excellent references offered from Sugardoodle.net, including General Conference Activity Packets for all ages (When you click on them, you can download the documents and print them out.):

Youth Packet
Senior Primary Packet

Junior Primary Packet

Nursery Packet

Check out this Sugardoodle.net page for other General Conference ideas, coloring pages, snacks, activities, etc.

Here’s another site with a lot of packets, cards, and other resources.

Here are also some great articles to help you get yourself and your children in the General Conference mindset:

Neil L. Andersen, “Teaching Our Children to Love the Prophets,”

“Preparing Our Children for General Conference,”

Jeffrey R. Holland, “Prophets in the Land Again,”

Henry B. Eyring, “Safety in Counsel,”

And don’t forget to gear up for the next round of General Conference Book Club.  If you’ve never joined us before, consider checking in this time when General Conference is over and then studying one talk a week all the way until Conference rolls around again.

“Many messages, covering a variety of gospel topics, will be given during the next two days. Those men and women who will speak to you have sought heaven’s help concerning the messages they will give. It is my prayer that we may be filled with His Spirit as we listen and learn.”  [Opening session, April 2010]

“I urge you to study the messages, to ponder their teachings, and then to apply them in your life…. May the messages and spirit of this conference find expression in all that you do—in your homes, in your work, in your meetings, and in all your comings and goings.”  [Closing session, April 2010] ~President Thomas S. Monson