Category Archives: Divinity

The spiritual side of motherhood.

Healing from Abuse

Posted in Divinity by

I was doing some studying this morning, and I came across this talk by Elder Richard G. Scott, delivered in April 2008 general conference.  I had the feeling that I should post it on the blog.  I don’t really know what to say about it.  I do not know if any readers have struggled or do struggle with pain that comes from abuse or misconduct at the hands of others (and I probably don’t need to know).  Perhaps it may be a tool for passing along this testimony to people in need.

Physical abuse, sexual abuse, and emotional abuse, as well as others’ hurtful choices can leave people with deep scars and lasting pain.  I love what Elder Scott teaches here about Heavenly Father’s love and the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

Here is a link to read the talk:  To Heal the Shattering Consequences of Abuse

Here is a video:

And some of my favorite quotes:

The rising tide of this vicious, abominable sin may not have touched your life personally. Yet it is pervasive enough in the world that it may have touched someone you love. It frequently causes such profound suffering— that can be overcome—that I want to speak of how healing can be attained. . . .

If you have been abused, Satan will strive to convince you that there is no solution. Yet he knows perfectly well that there is. Satan recognizes that healing comes through the unwavering love of Heavenly Father for each of His children. He also understands that the power of healing is inherent in the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Therefore, his strategy is to do all possible to separate you from your Father and His Son. Do not let Satan convince you that you are beyond help.

Satan uses your abuse to undermine your self-confidence, destroy trust in authority, create fear, and generate feelings of despair. Abuse can damage your ability to form healthy human relationships. You must have faith that all of these negative consequences can be resolved; otherwise they will keep you from full recovery. While these outcomes have powerful influence in your life, they do not define the real you. . . .

Rest assured that the Perfect Judge, Jesus the Christ, with a perfect knowledge of the details, will hold all abusers accountable for every unrighteous act. In time He will fully apply the required demands of justice unless there is complete repentance. . . .

Parents, in appropriate, sensitive ways, teach your children of the potential danger of abuse and how to avoid it. Be aware of warning signs, such as an abrupt change in a child’s behavior, that may signal a problem. Be alert to a child’s unsettled feelings and identify their origin.

So I say to myself: “Remember this…”

Posted in Divinity by

“… Kindness begins with me.”  (Children’s Songbook, 145b)

You know, once you decide to work on a goal, stuff happens and it becomes kind of hard. Take our family goal this year:  Try to Show Kindness in All That You Do.  Well, people do dumb things.  People say dumb things.  From where I stand, sometimes it looks like people live dumb things.  And, sadly, that makes it hard to be nice.  But like the song says, “I want to be kind to everyone, for that is right, you see.”  And so it is.  It’s right.  It’s hard, but it’s right.  So even though the first week of January made this feel particularly difficult, I’m going to keep trying.

I’m thankful for the Atonement, by the way.  I’m thankful that the Savior was so kind that he was willing to offer forgiveness even to people who intentionally hurt him.  And then he still offers forgiveness to those of us who get angry when people are intentionally mean to us or toward people or things we hold dear.  It’s hard to be kind and angry at the same time.  Believe me, I’ve tried.  I found out that kindness is much easier if I just give the angry back to Jesus and let him take care of it.  He always does if I let him.

 

Thanks so much to a sweet reader who stumbled upon my request for something to hang on my wall to remind me about my new goal.  In a quick whirlwind of talent and kindness, she created this printable (above) for me, and I love it.  You’re welcome to download your own copy here. Thanks, Jen!

Somewhere on Facebook, a friend also shared this video of the primary song that’s the source of the goal phrase.  It’s really quite lovely, and I felt the spirit confirming the simple, sweet message as I listened.  Hope it adds a dose of goodness to your day, too.

“At times I am tempted to make a wrong choice, but I try to listen as the still small voice whispers, Love one another as Jesus loves you. Try to show kindness in all that you do.  Be gentle and loving in deed and in thought.  For these are the things Jesus taught.“

Have a great week, friends.

 

My favorite New Year’s thought so far.

Posted in Diapers, Divinity by

[image credit]

It’s possible that I’m the only one who has recurring “Bad Mom Days.”

But I doubt it.

Goals are wonderful things, but they don’t always pan out like we intend them to.  (That’s code for: Sometimes we downright fail.)  I don’t know if you’ve seen President Monson’s New Year’s message or not, but one paragraph at the end of it has been rolling around in my mind a lot this week.  It’s a great reminder that new years are great, but new days are even better, and trying again and again and again is what keeps us on the right track.

Courage is required to make an initial thrust toward one’s coveted goal, but even greater courage is called for when one stumbles and must make a second effort to achieve.

Have the determination to make the effort, the single-mindedness to work toward a worthy goal, and the courage not only to face the challenges that inevitably come but also to make a second effort, should such be required. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, “I’ll try again tomorrow.”

That little voice is a true friend because it points us toward the Atonement, repentance, forgiveness, and starting over.

So imagine me riding on my horse on the battlefield of motherhood waving my banner and shouting to all the mother masses, “Courage!”  (That just means get up again tomorrow and try again.  You’re doing better all the time.)  Or I guess all that imagination really isn’t necessary if you just listen to the prophet instead.  Yep, probably better to do that. Because me on a horse is kind of a stupid idea.

I might get a banner anyway.

If anyone has a link to President Monson’s talk (It’s called “Living the Abundant Life”), feel free to paste it in the comments so others can read it.  It’s a good one.  My dad sent me a copy by email, but I haven’t found it online yet.

Unloading.

Posted in Diapers, Divinity by

I hardly blogged at all over the last couple of weeks because I was just enjoying the down time of the holidays.  It really was down time– lots of laziness and mellow family “recreation.”  So nice.  But there are a handful of things that I would have blogged about if I felt like blogging, and I need to just unload them all… you know, get it out of my system.  So without further ado, a pile of miniature blog-posts:

  1. I gave my blog a makeover.  I felt like I needed to just simplify it and downplay all the diaper and baby imagery.  I have a complex because my blog title is Diapers and Divinity, and with the exception of one child in nighttime pull-ups, I’m actually now beyond the diaper stage.  I still like the title because the blog is still about the balance between the dirty side of motherhood and the divine side, but anyway, I’m letting the diapers go.  I feel old.  And free.  Ha!
  2. I also gave my hair a makeover.  I had like 6-inch roots, so thanks to a gift-certificate from my mother-in-law, I went and got it cut and highlighted.  I’m growing it out longer again, at least until summertime.  We’ll see.
  3. I took the kids and we went and got our portraits done as a Christmas gift for Matt.  I was overdue getting them done anyway, so it seemed like a good idea.  I don’t want to make you jealous or anything, but I’m afraid my children are just handsomer than all the rest in the world.  So sorry.
  4. Despite their handsomeness, they leave on lights EVERYwhere.  Matt is thinking about changing out all their light switches for those timer knobs that they sometimes use in hotel bathrooms for heat lamps.  Would that be weird?
  5. Natalie calls her pinky finger her “girl finger.”  She says all the rest are boys.  ??
  6. I gave a talk in church yesterday.  I think it went okay, but I forgot half the papers I was going to use and I still took too much time.  I get a little mad at myself for having zero grasp on the gift of brevity.  I did, however, really enjoy preparing and studying for the talk.  I wish I did a better job of studying the gospel that thoroughly even when I don’t have an assignment.
  7. I made a simple new years resolution.  I’ll just cut and paste from Facebook since I’m lazy:  “My New Year’s resolution this year: *Be Nicer*. Seriously. The stuff that bugs me is probably not going to go away, so I just need to get over it and be nicer. (Bite tongue, curb sarcasm, manage anger.) Funny, my mom used to always tell me “Stephanie, be nice,” and I would roll my eyes at her. Now, I’m pushing 40, and I think I’m finally starting to get it.”
  8. Along those same lines, for Family Home Evening last night, we came up with a family goal/motto for this year.  After discussing being nice to each other, showing respect, no yelling/arguing, etc., we adopted this line from the primary song “I’m trying to be like Jesus”:  “Try To Show Kindness in All That You Do.”  Anybody want to make me some cool graphic-designy thing that I can hang up on my wall?  Anyway, we’re going to work on that.
  9. I’ve been invited to speak at a fireside in a couple weeks in a random ward where I don’t know anyone.  The bishop would like me to speak to the young women and the women about modesty.  I’ve been thinking about it for a while and I feel like I know the general direction I’d like to go, but if anyone has any great thoughts or talks/articles to pass along, please do.
  10. This year I got down of my high horse a little bit and actually consented to let Santa bring my children a Wii for Christmas.  It was the only gift he brought for all three.  I have always been sort of an anti-video-game poster-mom, but lots of points won me over for some reason.  It was a bit of a gaming free-for-all over Christmas break, but today it was back to school, back to rules, back to chores, etc.  We’ve always had a system in place where they have to finish their chores before school if they want 30 min. of media time after school.  I have to say that having the Wii sitting in our family room made them pretty anxious to get their chores done this morning.  I honestly don’t mind all the active games like sports and singing/dancing, etc., so hopefully it will all be okay as long as I stick to my guns about time limits and what’s appropriate and what’s not.
  11. We also played some fun new games over the break.  The kids got Apples to Apples Jr., and they really like that.  We got a card game called Clue Suspect, and I’m pretty much unbeatable.  🙂  We played a fun game called Telestrations with extended family, and we still need to try out a game Clark got in his stocking called Sorry Revenge.  I did splurge right before Christmas and bought a game table I’ve had my eye on for the last year at a local consignment store.  Despite temporarily suffering buyer’s remorse (even though it was cheap), it’s been fun to have.
  12. Here’s the one problem with a Kindle.  You start a book and you don’t have a good sense of how long it really is.  I started The Count of Monte Cristo a week or so ago, and I have been reading and reading and reading, and my little progress tab only showed me at about 33% done.  I really liked that first third of the book, but after reading and reading some more (like almost all the way to 50%) and starting to like it a little less, I began to wonder.  Well, I looked it up on amazon to see how long the real book is, and it turns out that the unabridged version I’m reading is (depending on the publication) between 1200-1600 pages long!  Sweet mercy.  So according to my calculations, I’ve probably read about 700 pages so far.  Someone please tell me it’s worth it to finish it, because right now I’m feeling like I’m in quicksand– in too deep to get out.  And since I’ve spent all that time invested in reading it, it’s like I have to finish it just on principle alone.
  13. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and New Year, I really do.  Post-vacation transition is hard and a little depressing, so let’s make the best of it, shall we?

Dump complete.  Carry on.

Stuff I love about Christmas (so far)

Posted in Divinity by

[image credit]

I know that Christmas can be a stressful time; for me, the most stressful part is always the finances– struggling to find the balance between what I would like to do or get for people and the realistic constraints of my budget.  I don’t always succeed, and then I cause myself undue stress by making things tighter than they should be.

But despite the money tug, I love Christmas time.  I love the feeling.  The excitement.  The spirit of it all.  I admit that it’s getting harder and harder to find amid all the ridiculous “If you can’t get your wife a new car or a diamond something for Christmas, you’ve somehow failed” marketing mentality.  Because –really– that’s just dumb. I actually enjoy some of the bustle and lines at stores, and I feel like most of the people are sincerely out to find things to show love to people they care about.

I love nativity sets.

I love Christmas music.  The good stuff.  There are plenty of “holiday” songs I could do without, but thank goodness for Pandora online radio, which I am constantly streaming in my house.

I love The Messiah.  I probably normally couldn’t convince my husband and children to go sit through a really long choral performance, but when blog friend DeNae mentioned she was participating, I jumped on the reason.  It totally, absolutely put my Christmas heart in the right place.  It was long, and the hour was a little late, and the children were a little restless, but they were so GOOD.  I think they felt and understood the reverence and majesty of it.  Natalie now sings the Hallelujah chorus while she walks around the house, and I love it.

I love the “excuse” of the holiday to express love and appreciation for friends and neighbors, my children’s teachers and leaders, and people who bless my life all the time and often go unnoticed.

I love, love Christmas cards.  It’s like a little walk down memory lane of friends from years and stages past.  I love all the good people God has put in my life and Christmas cards remind me how abundant that blessing is.

I love looking for and finding service opportunities that our family can participate in.  Sub for Santa participation is always fun and rewarding.  Yesterday, the kids and I paid for the meal of someone behind us at a drive-through window, and they loved peeking their heads above the back seat to see the surprised reaction as we drove away.  I just love stuff like that because it feels so … good.

I love chocolate.  I’m on a diet, but still.

I love that this is the only time of the year that snow can fall, and I don’t feel bitter about it.

I love finding simple ways to celebrate.  I’m all about doing things with as little time and money investment as possible.  Like when we drove around our neighborhood and gave out “Best Christmas Lights” awards.  Or when we made cookies just because we had a little time and then drove around to give them to people we maybe didn’t think of the first time around.

I love trying to make the big day as special as possible by doing most of the hard work before it comes.  This is why I actually had my wedding reception the day before my wedding.  And it’s why I do my Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve.  I just like spending the real day in as much relaxed peace as possible.  And leftovers rock.

I love Mary.  I don’t think we ever give her enough credit for how Jesus Christ turned out.  Yes, he was divine.  Yes, he was foreordained.  But she raised him and guided him and helped him become all he was meant to be.  She must have felt an incredible responsibility, and I have no doubt that her initial submission to the Father, “Be it unto me according to thy word,” set the example for all that Christ did throughout his life.

I think the real reason I love Christmas is because I love Christ.  It’s just that simple.  And all the extra attentions at this time of year feel like a way of honoring Him and showing Him how special He is to me and my family.  Because like The Messiah declares, He spent a lot of time being despised, rejected and spat upon, and I guess it feels like there can never be too much praise to pay Him back for all He suffered for me.

So.  Merry, merry Christmas.  I hope you find many things to love, many ways to love, and many opportunities to feel love for the rest of the holiday season.

   “It is proper during this season when we commemorate His birth that we remember the Lord Jesus Christ in reverence and with love. He has done for us what we could not do for ourselves. He has brought meaning to our mortal existence. He has given us the gift of eternal life.
“When all is said and done, when all the legions of the ages have passed in review, when man’s terrible inhumanity to man has been chronicled, when God’s great love for His children has been measured, then above all stands the lone figure of Jesus Christ, the Redeemer of the world, the Savior of mankind, the living Son of the living God, the Prince of Peace, the Holy One.”  — Gordon B. Hinckley