Category Archives: Diapers

The dirty side of motherhood.

Crunching Numbers

Posted in Diapers by

Here’s what the math facts are saying around here lately:

15:  the number of people who said they want to come to the Girls’ Night Out!  Actually, there were a lot more that said they wanted to come, but they had silly excuses like 28-hour drives or previous commitments and stuff.  (We’ll miss you.  *Sniff*)  If you said “yes,” go check your email RIGHT NOW.  I need a confirmation before I buy your ticket.  It’s not too late to join the fun.  Here’s all the info, so just leave a comment on that post to let me know you’re interested, and I’ll forward you the email about it.  I’m going to purchase tickets Thursday night or Friday morning.

The rest of the ugly numbers . . .

7: the number of days left before my husband has to take the Bar exam.
3000: the number of dollars it cost to buy the prep materials for the Bar exam.
0: the number of times I smiled when I told him that if he doesn’t pass this test, he’s a dead man.
90,000: the number of dollars we owe the government for allowing us to have 4, now going on 5, years of school-related stress and husband-related absence.
30+: the number of times I’ve put the kids to bed by myself while he has been studying (because he has to, not because he’s lazy) since Christmas.
0: the number of trophies I will win as “most supportive wife ever.”
6: the number of months we have lived here because all of that work really did help him get a wonderful job, even though we had to move across the country.

changing subject, but still counting . . .

6: the number of “breakfast” purchases I just saw on Clark’s school lunch purchase history. He eats breakfast at home every day before he leaves, mind you.
3: the number of the hour in the morning that I stayed up until last week watching “The Locator” on TV? Have you ever seen it? They help reconnect lost or estranged family members.
4 and half: the number of gallons of tears I shed while watching multiple episodes of aforementioned show.
2 1/2: the number of books I’ve read in the past week. Yay me.
1: the number of really decent meals I’ve cooked in the past week. I’ve cooked a few others, but they don’t really fall into the decent category.
57: the number of degrees that our house was when I woke up the other morning.  I about died. I think I might have felt the same if I had spent the night inside our refrigerator. I awoke to Grant standing in our doorway wrapped in a quilt.
5: The number of books Natalie read this week. Natalie learned how to read this week!!
12: The number of phone calls I had to make to get Natalie an appointment with a pediatric endocrinologist that could see her before April. (I’ll say more about this a little later when hopefully I have more answers.)
10: The number of children that were baptized at the same time as Grant the weekend before last. It was not easy for me to make the transition to what seemed like a conveyer-belt approach to baptism, but I’ll bite my tongue and try not to complain about it (publicly). Despite my frustrations, it was a lovely day, mostly because a lot of family was here to share the  day with us. And, of course, because Grant was happy.
4 or 5: the number of times I have wanted to put Grant in solitary confinement this week. Incidentally this number is down about 235% from last week.
-4.61: the number under the column “available balance” in my checking account right now.  (Sorry, honey)
623: the number of words in this post.  Egads, I’m wordy.
2: the number of times I thought about chocolate while I was writing this.

Midterm exams for moms

Posted in Diapers, Divinity by

Have you ever had one of those nightmares where you’re in college and it’s exam time, but you just realized you’re enrolled in a class you forgot to attend the whole semester?  And now you have to take the exam and you are SO unprepared?  It’s a horrible dream.  I always wake up with a tight chest and lingering anxiety.

See this kid?

He is my oldest.  He just turned eight a couple weeks ago, and this weekend he will be baptized.  And I’ve got that same nightmare feeling.  It’s like this is the big test of my motherhood, and I do not feel ready.  My time for preparing him to make major covenants and lead a life of free agency is over.  (I know this is a little exaggerated and melodramatic, but hello?  Eight already?  Gah.)

And remember how I said before that I think Satan gets a free 90-day trial before their baptism? I’m sure of it.  He and I have been at odds lately. (Grant and I, not Satan and I.  Maybe.) At odds.  He has been pushing all my buttons, and I’ve felt angry and exasperated and thoroughly convinced that I have somehow failed at preparing him for this major event in his life.  Oh, he knows lots and lots of things about the gospel of Jesus Christ, the promises he’ll be making, and what it all means.  But he’s still just a punk little kid who makes me want to put him in time-out until he’s 18.  Evidence:

“I think this family is dumb.  I think your dumb too.  I wish this family didn’t even exist.  Hate, Grant” (Note he penned on a paper towel and then handed me a couple nights ago at bedtime.  Why so angry? Because he didn’t get ice cream after throwing water on his brother.  Right after our “Love at Home” family home evening lesson.)

So I guess I just have to really count on the Holy Ghost to take it from here?  Either that or the ethereal hope that when he gets older, he’ll like me again and his heart will be flooded with all the things I taught him over the years and he’ll turn out all great and stuff.  Oh boy, Holy Ghost, work your magic.  Some of you experienced mothers out there better tell me that this is going to be just fine.

Stuff that just needs to be said

Posted in Diapers by

This week will be our first Find-a-Friend Friday and we’ll all meet a new blog friend.  To all of you who “applied” for the honor, you made it!  It’s a long list, but I’ll get to you eventually.  If you missed it, go back and check out the new plan and add yourself to the list if you’re interested in playing along.

—-

I almost feel like I owe a small apology about my post yesterday.  I still stand by a lot of the points, but in my attempt to say that we all need to be more forgiving of each other, I also kind of lumped the people in the “statistics” into a category of people who don’t get it, which I didn’t mean to do or say or imply.  I joked with a friend that we all need to study this talk by President Monson over and over and over again until we start to realize that we can NOT judge others unless we know their hearts, which we usually don’t.  It’s hard to do, especially when we think we’re right about something, but we need to extend the same kind of forgiving mercy that we hope to receive in return.  (And the less we think we need it, the more we probably do.)

—-

After I declared my undying love for Enrique Iglesias on my Things I Love post the other day, one of his songs showed up in my Pandora feed and it was VULGAR.  And then I felt really stupid.  So just in case you were all thinking I’m some kind of closet listener to explicit music, I’m not.  At least not on purpose.  I still love his old-school Spanish stuff.  But please don’t run out and buy his latest stuff on my recommendation. Please.  Okay, thanks.

—-

This is not any kind of formal announcement or anything, but last week I decided I wanted to write a book about motherhood.  Not a how-to book, but more about the doctrine of motherhood.  Of course, as soon as I started writing it, my children were possessed by demons and I’ve spent most of my time trying to hide from them or sending them to their rooms.  So then I felt like “Who in the world do I think I am trying to write a book about motherhood when I don’t even like my children?”  (I do, of course, really love my children, but you know, there are days . . . ).  If I could only learn to be as patient with them as God is with me.  So we’ll see how that all pans out.

—-

And finally, as a public service announcement, if you stay up too late relishing the child-free time you have, you’ll always pay for it in the morning.  Just go to bed and get your sleep so that you can deal with the next day better than the day before.  The “freedom” feels great at midnight, but it hurts come morning.  And have you ever noticed that if you try to get away with it anyway, your children will always wake up at least a half hour earlier than normal just to rub it in?  You’re welcome.

Loving what I love, on purpose.

Posted in Diapers, Divinity by

Winter is dreary.  I don’t care for it much.  Last year I got in a winter funk for a while, and the thing that helped me come out of it was realizing that I needed to pray to love what the Lord loves.  Doing that helped to to recognize the previously unrecognizable joy that can be found in what may be otherwise considered boring drudgery.  I did not start dancing around on tiptoes and whistling happy tunes all the time, but it really did help.

Today I realized that in addition to loving what the Lord loves, I need to do a better job of loving what I love.  It’s easy to focus too much on things that bug me, especially the things that repeat themselves over and over again.  I found today that I could distract myself from that kind of annoyed-out-of-my-brain-zone by thinking about stuff I really love and then intentionally reaching out for it.  This afternoon it was as simple as putting on some of my favorite tunes and singing along while I cleaned the kitchen.  When I realized what a positive effect that had on me, I started listing in my mind as many things as I could think of that I LOVE, and then I started planning out how to make those things a bigger part of my days.  So, for my own record-keeping purposes, and for your reading (or time-wasting) pleasure, I give you . . .

THE LIST OF THINGS I LOVE:

1.  Music I love: Latin music.  My Contemporary Latin channel on Pandora.com.  Alejandro Fernandez, Enrique Iglesias, Luis Miguel, Juanes, Soraya, Shakira.  I love it.  And on Sundays, I love having peaceful, inspirational music playing in the kitchen.  English is fine.  🙂

2.  Books I love: As I wrote about recently, I’ve rediscovered my love for reading.  I love a good book. I always love Jane Austen, and I’ve reread her books a couple times this last year.  I just finished Man’s Search for Meaning yesterday, and I started The Shadow of the Wind today.  Yay.

3.  Shows I love: Right now, I’m into watching Masterpiece Classics on Netflix after the kids go to bed.  Last night I watched a couple episodes of Jane Eyre.  I love watching House Hunters International on HGTV and pretending I’m house shopping throughout the world while I fold laundry.  One day Matt’s going to wake up and find out I accidentally bought a beach house in Nicaragua while he was sleeping.  I kind of like American Idol and shows like Top Chef or Project Runway.

4.  Things I love to look forward to: I love planning fantasy vacations, even though I rarely end up taking them.  My favorite travel site is travelzoo.com.  I find some kickin’ deals on there.  Last week I booked 4 nights in Cancun, all-inclusive, for all five of us, for $306.  !!!  I probably won’t end up going because I can’t find affordable airfare, but still.  (Never fear, I called and checked on the cancellation policy before I booked.)  Travel agent is high on my list of Jobs I Know I’d Be Awesome At (along with children’s librarian, restaurant critic, and real estate agent).  I also love to plan parties or group dates or girls’ nights or other get-togethers… not necessarily all the details of parties– I’m pretty simple, but I like to come up with reasons to have parties and have something to look forward to.

5.  Things I love to feel: Sunshine.  Sunshine and breeze are even better.  A warm fireplace.  My cozy bed.  Holding hands.  Soft, comfy clothes.  Warm socks.  The sound of wind blowing through leaves on the trees.  Hot cocoa in my hands.  Love. Contentment. The Holy Ghost.

6. Things I love to eat.  Lately I’ve been really craving baked sweets, like cupcakes or cookies– not healthy, I know, but it’s fun to bake something occasionally.  My favorite things to cook in the winter are crock pot comfort foods.  I make a really yummy chili, and I have a favorite soup, Salsa Chicken and Black Bean Soup, that I make a lot.  I love restaurants.  I don’t hate cooking, but I love to eat anything that other people make. 🙂

7.  Things I love to do with my children: There are plenty of things that I don’t like to do with my children.  I’m not a great play mom; I confess it and embrace it.  I do, however, love to read with my children.  I love to cuddle and read them stories, even better if it’s by a fire.  I love to play music and dance with them.  When it’s warmer, I like to camp with them and go on walks and hikes with them.  Lately we’ve been playing a card game called Monopoly Deal, and I actually like that better than most games.  (I’d rather stick forks in my eyes than play Candyland, but I digress.  This is about things I love.) I love to laugh with my children.  I love to take them to places that I love.  I especially love to take them to plays and theater productions.  I took Natalie to an Irish Dance show last week and I’m taking the boys to see a Broadway production of Peter Pan tonight.  I like family movie night.  I love one-on-one time with them.

10.  Things I love about Natalie (4): Her enthusiastic eyes.  She’s my brave food taster.  She remembers where everything is and always helps me find stuff.  She asks lots of questions and always understands the answers.  She loves her brothers and she ADORES her dad.  Her decided determination and positive confidence.  I can’t wait to see what a beautiful and good woman she will be.

11.  Things I love about Clark (6): His smile.  He really wants to do the right thing (sometimes it’s deep down).  He has a burning independent testimony of the gospel.  He is a quick learner and an avid reader.  He has always been a “bouncer”– he gets so excited about things that he can NOT sit still.  He is a great sharer.  Clark has feelings to the extreme:  when he is happy, it is joy.  When he is sad or angry, it’s all the way.  No one in the world loves good food as much as Clark.  I think he will surprise us with how much he can do and do well.

12.  Things I love about Grant (8): He is a sensitive soul and feels things deeply.  He is fiercely independent, and yet, doesn’t like to be alone.  He is a self-appointed leader.  He is smart and intuitive.  He is my cuddliest child; he loves and craves human touch.  He is generous and likes to heal people’s sadness.  He says the best prayers.  He’s going to be a great man, I can tell.

13.  Things I love about Matt: He is the best dad ever.  He gets me and likes me anyway.  He is a master apologizer and never criticizes (even when he should).  He has no idea how good he is.  My favorite part of my future.

14.  Things I love about myself: I am principle-driven and try to do what’s right.  I’m a pretty good problem solver and a peacemaker (if a determined conflict-avoider can be called thus).  I think I’m a good friend; I try hard to keep in touch with people I love, and I try to make them feel remembered and appreciated.  I try to give good advice.  I love to teach.

These are the things that I’m going to turn to when I start to forget how much there is to love, even on bad days.  There’s truly so much to be thankful for and to enjoy.

There are occasionally hard days for each of us. Do not despair. Do not give up. Look for the sunlight through the clouds. . . . Cultivate an attitude of happiness. Cultivate a spirit of optimism. . . . Let us not partake of the negative spirit so rife in our times. There is so much of the sweet and the decent and the beautiful to build upon. . . . I am asking that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life we “accentuate the positive.” I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good . . . What I am suggesting is that each of us turn from the negativism that so permeates our society and look for the remarkable good among those with whom we associate, that we speak of one another’s virtues more than we speak of one another’s faults, that optimism replace pessimism, that our faith exceed our fears. ”  — Gordon B. Hinckley

(Thanks to Erika who took these pictures of my family. She was fantastic and even brought us cookies.  Blogging has introduced me to such wonderful people.)

Some days probably shouldn’t be journaled.

Posted in Diapers, Divinity by

My first clue that today wasn’t going to be great was my Facebook status at 7 a.m.: “I made the mistake of reading the morning news headlines. People are stupid. And now I’m in a bad mood.” Note to self: Don’t do that anymore. It totally sucks the positive energy out of your day. From that point on, everything bugged me. The weather, the Cheerios on the floor, the last-minute scrambles for gloves/coats/boots on the way out the door to the bus, the lame breakfast options, the fact that I live here, and my friends all seem far away (because they ARE), old people shouldn’t be allowed to drive, etc. You get the point —–> Grumpy!

I’ve never struggled with any serious depression or anything (and don’t worry, I don’t credit myself for that other than luck), but I’ve noticed that I do have a lot more “bad days” in the wintertime. Today was one of those. I volunteered at Clark’s school with some very nice people who were kind and helpful, but I still couldn’t shake off the negative energy. So by the time I picked up Natalie from preschool, I could tell I needed to be more proactive about my mood status, so we went to a bakery and I bought a peanut butter brownie. That helped a little, except that there was this woman there who had obviously done so much plastic surgery to herself that she looked awful, and then I started hating the universe again. (I can already tell I’m going to regret this post.) I started having conversations with myself that were half-pathetic and half-existential. “I wonder if everyone in the world is weird, and I’m the only normal one?, or maybe everyone else is normal and I’m just weird?” (Remember I had read bad headlines this morning and I was already mad at those people.) So in a moment of self-pity, I said to Natalie, who was happily munching her cupcake, “Natalie, are you glad I’m your mommy?” She quickly replied, “I like daddy.” “I know you like daddy, but are you glad I’m your mommy?” She kept her head still but pointed her eyeballs up at the ceiling, “N-O, no.” She said something like, “Alright, alright, I’m just kidding…. yeeesss,” but overall, my trip to the bakery wasn’t that helpful either.

My next attempt at improvement was a little less stellar, but overall more effective.  When we got back to the house, I stuck “Olivia Takes Ballet” in the DVD player and selected “Play All.”  I told Natalie I was going to go lie down, and I did.  I quickly dozed off (Oh, how I love a nap!) and slept for about 40 minutes.  I heard Clark come home from school and I opened my eyes and knew I needed to get up and face the music.  (Music is a code word for a chaotic blend of snacks, chores, homework, squabbling, and other kid-induced discomfort.) I stared out the window for a minute and my eyes fell on my scriptures on the bedside table.  I thought, “Maybe I should read my five pages now instead of waiting until bedtime.”  It helped a lot.  I read about Lehi’s dream and how he found himself in a “dark and dreary world,” and I thought about how it really is dark and dreary sometimes, but then he prayed to the Lord and pleaded for mercy and was brought out of that darkness into a spacious field where he could see the Tree of Life and find his way to the joy that it offered.  So I thought about how we don’t have to get stuck in that dreary part or get tricked into thinking that’s all there is because the Lord can help us find bright open spots with a better view and blessings in sight.  By that time, Grant was home from school, too, and Clark burst in the room yelling about something, so I still have one page left to finish tonight.  And that’s pretty much when my day started over.  Thank goodness.

So I’m going to try to think of a bright, spacious field with a glowy, shiny tree full of joy-fruit the next time things seem dark and dreary, which happens sometimes in the winter. Peanut butter brownies, naps, and exotic beachfront getaways are nice, too.  Two out of three ‘aint bad.