Category Archives: Diapers

The dirty side of motherhood.

Creative discipline, and seeking wisdom

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I accomplished more items on a to-do list today than have ever been accomplished in Stephanie history.  The natural consequence of this is poor parenting.  “Quiet!  I’m on the phone.” “Stop touching each other and go do something quiet.”  “I am in a bad mood right now, so you’d better shape up.”  These are all hypothetical examples, of course.

Matt and I have dinner plans with my sister and her husband tonight so I made the kids their own dinner.  I then left them for no-more-than-four-minutes so I could go phone in my dinner order.  When I returned, I found that they had entered deadly territory:  the food fight.  The floor was covered with peas and pasta and broken pieces of biscuits.  I thought bad words in my head.  I sent the main perpetrator (who should remain unnamed but I’m mad at him:  Grant) to his room and then went and got Matt out of the garage.  “I need you to come inside before I hurt one of your children.”  This is when Matt had a stroke of parenting genius.  First he took all their plates away.

“Your dinner is now on the floor.  Eat every single piece of it, or you’re dead.”

I love my husband.

Moving is stressful.  Really stressful.  And sometimes it turns us into mean people.  I’m hoping to be nice again in about 3 weeks.

We planted a garden in our back yard and I planted zucchini for the first time.  Is this normal? (That’s my full-sized adult hand.)

Our new house has no appliances.  This is a list of the items I will have to buy next week:

  • range/oven
  • dishwasher
  • fridge
  • washer/dryer
  • microwave (hood w/fan)
  • oh, and a king-sized mattress (which I realize is not technically an appliance)

Do you own any of the above items that you LOVE (like so much that you would return your children before you’d return said appliance)?  I really want to hear your suggestions of things to consider. I have the option of gas or electric for both the range/oven and the dryer–  Any thoughts on that?  Just pretend like you’re the editor of Consumer Reports and tell me what to look for and what to avoid.  Brand names and model numbers are appreciated.

I apologize in advance if I do the same thing I did with your places-to-live suggestions (moved somewhere different) and totally ignore you.  I don’t know why I do that.  Trust me, it’s involuntary.

I was going to write more, but I can’t keep my mind off of the Chris’ Outrageous Chocolate Cake I just ordered from The Cheesecake Factory.

CHRIS’ OUTRAGEOUS CHOCOLATE CAKE ™
A Cheesecake Factory Original – Layers of Moist Chocolate Cake, Chewy Brownie,
Toasted Coconut-Pecan Frosting and Creamy Chocolate Chip Coconut Cheesecake

Oh sweet mercy.

Conversations that make you wonder

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So in this whole we-might-be-moving mess, Natalie somehow got it into her mind that if we buy a new house, we’re getting a dog.  We’re not.  But she was telling Grandma all about it on the phone today, and when Grant overheard her, he began speaking over her loudly trying to remind her that we’re not getting a dog until he’s 13 (because I said that once, and I might play dumb in 6 years when he tries to remind me).  This is how the rest of the conversation went, to the best of my memory:

Grant:  “NO, Natalie.  Not yet.  When I’m 13 we’re gonna get a dog.”

Clark chimed in:  “Kids don’t live until they’re 13.”

Grant: “Yes they do!  How do you think kids turn into adults then?”

Clark:  “We’ll, some kids fall down the stairs before they’re 13 and die.”

He has a point you, know.  I’m thinking maybe I took the baby gates down a little too early.

Update:  House goes on the market on Friday.  Driving to my parents’ home on Saturday, Sunday and maybe a little bit of Monday.  When I arrive, I may take a 36-hour nap.  Sorry, mom.  I promise I’ll take care of my children after that.

Just say no.

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I just read this article.  Don’t waste your time on the link, really.  It’s basically about a group that is suing McDonald’s for using toys in their Happy Meals that lure kids in like little marketing drugs.  According to one intelligent group spokesman, it’s almost like having a salesman come door-to-door trying to sell products to your children.

Um, sure it is.  Except that it isn’t at all, since McDonald’s isn’t in your home nor does it visit there.

My favorite part was this claim he made:

“At some point parents get worn down,” Jacobson says. “They don’t always want to be saying no to their children. We feel like an awful lot of parents would be relieved if this one pressure was removed from them.”

Wow. Isn’t it a parent’s job to say no?  A lot?

I am not trying to make any statements about fast food, childhood obesity, or even about the level of stupid some lawsuits have reached; however, Continue reading →

One day into summer and we might need therapy

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Yesterday was the last day of school in these-here parts.  An exciting time, right?  And somehow it turned into another one of those mom’s-expectations-hit-the-fan experiences.

My plan:

  1. Happy welcome home from school hugs
  2. Last day after-school snack: Happy hour at Sonic
  3. Look through all their fun end-of-the-year papers and awards
  4. Let kids stay up until 10 pm! for the first day of summer and watch basketball or a movie together
  5. Get ready for camping (I already ran out and bought $90/worth of fun vacation food)
  6. Go on a 3-day camping trip as our summer kickoff activity.  Ride bikes, hike, cook camp food
  7. Sit in a lawn chair and read books and work on my talks for EFY next week
  8. Start preparing the summer “master schedule” that will begin next week.

Reality:

  1. Boys dropped backpacks and bags on the garage floor and ran outside to play baseball.
  2. “Maybe later, mom” at the suggestion of Sonic.  Then proceeded to throw baseball bat (at play) and hit my van with it.  Time out.  Ensuing arguing, crying and continued bad behavior.  Missed happy hour.
  3. They dumped out all their papers in my entryway and wouldn’t pick them up.  “That’s not mine.”
  4. Bedtime at 7:30.  I’m done with everyone.
  5. Watched news and saw weather report:  3 full days of pouring rain.
  6. Canceled camping trip.  Can’t think of a single back-up plan to do in the rain on no budget.
  7. I guess I’ll have to prepare my talks with three cabin-fevered children.
  8. Dang it.  I need the summer schedule now, but I still haven’t thought through it all the way because I thought I still had time.

Help?

Freeze frame!

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Summer is coming and this is my favorite time of year, except for the part about swimsuits.  The other day I was outside in the yard while the kids were playing.  It was sunny and warm and breezy and beautiful– the kind of day that just makes me feel content.  And then, suddenly, I felt a little bit panicky because it’s ALREADY JUNE and it’s going so fast and summer’s going to be gone and it’s going to be snowing again before I even know it.  STOP THE CLOCK ALREADY!  I really wanted to freeze the calendar and stay in June 3rd for a long, long time.  I keep thinking about that song by the Steve Miller band that says, “Time keeps on slippin’, slippin’, slippin’ into the future . . . ”  And I thought about the Book of Mormon, where it says (somewhere, I’m too lazy to look it up) that in the last days, people’s treasures will become slippery.  Time is a treasure Continue reading →