Have you ever had one of those nightmares where you’re in college and it’s exam time, but you just realized you’re enrolled in a class you forgot to attend the whole semester? And now you have to take the exam and you are SO unprepared? It’s a horrible dream. I always wake up with a tight chest and lingering anxiety.
See this kid?
He is my oldest. He just turned eight a couple weeks ago, and this weekend he will be baptized. And I’ve got that same nightmare feeling. It’s like this is the big test of my motherhood, and I do not feel ready. My time for preparing him to make major covenants and lead a life of free agency is over. (I know this is a little exaggerated and melodramatic, but hello? Eight already? Gah.)
And remember how I said before that I think Satan gets a free 90-day trial before their baptism? I’m sure of it. He and I have been at odds lately. (Grant and I, not Satan and I. Maybe.) At odds. He has been pushing all my buttons, and I’ve felt angry and exasperated and thoroughly convinced that I have somehow failed at preparing him for this major event in his life. Oh, he knows lots and lots of things about the gospel of Jesus Christ, the promises he’ll be making, and what it all means. But he’s still just a punk little kid who makes me want to put him in time-out until he’s 18. Evidence:
“I think this family is dumb. I think your dumb too. I wish this family didn’t even exist. Hate, Grant” (Note he penned on a paper towel and then handed me a couple nights ago at bedtime. Why so angry? Because he didn’t get ice cream after throwing water on his brother. Right after our “Love at Home” family home evening lesson.)
So I guess I just have to really count on the Holy Ghost to take it from here? Either that or the ethereal hope that when he gets older, he’ll like me again and his heart will be flooded with all the things I taught him over the years and he’ll turn out all great and stuff. Oh boy, Holy Ghost, work your magic. Some of you experienced mothers out there better tell me that this is going to be just fine.