According to my stats, these are phrases that people typed into search engines (like Google) and were then directed to my blog. I’m a little confused about what’s going on in people’s minds.
what lipstick to use to conceive boy
shriveling kidney ultrasound
shock treatment lullaby
keyboard chastity
lindt truffles are unhealthy
my mommy’s going to jail
play games for hate mothers
rhyming diaper advertisments
diaper pee final exam
i totally ignore my appearance
diapers during electro shock
urinary tract infection comics
And I’m a little more confused about what this says about my blog. Maybe I’m a little more dysfunctional than I thought.
If you have a stats program, what are some of your favorite queries that have landed on your blog? And if you don’t, what kind of Google search terms do you think would direct people to your posts?
Diapers and Divinity 
First of all, I’d like to dispute the idea that Lindt truffles are unhealthy. They sure do make ME feel better when I’m (mentally) ill. They have saved my sanity on more than one occasion.
And how did some of these link to your blog??? Diapers during electroshock? Play games for hate mothers? I hope all of these searchers were severely disappointed to find that your blog was not AT ALL related to their searches. And then I hope they read your blog and found something to lift them up or to connect with. Because you do a good job of blogging about things like that.
I get more than a few hits from “Sousaphone petting zoo.” I have NO idea why. Or why anyone would search for that. Maybe there is this unfulfilled need in the world for a place where people can go to touch low brass instruments. Maybe I should open up a place to fill that need.
Well, if you’re disfunctional then that makes these people out there using these phrases getting to you are functional? I don’t think so. These googleites who are putting this search engines together are off their rockers. I can’t understand how the thing works, I just know it doesn’t make sense if you’re sane.
But then I also remember helping my son do research for his 4th grade class on milk. We typed in “milk” and got taken to a porn site with lots of photos of naked breasts. Go figure.
The favorite ones that apparently get you to my site: banana poop (or often, “stringy things in baby poop”), Bumbo toilet trainer, toddler boy peeing.
I’m thinking there’s a theme there.
I’m pretty sure “Crazy Mom” and “Insanity Plea” would be the top search that lead readers to my blog.
P.S. I love the new look of your blog!!
Holy cow, those are some good ones! I haven’t checked mine in a while… I’ll have to do that soon! I do know, that people search images for horsehair worms all the time and always wind up on my blog… seriously. Several a day. Cause when I went to girls canp, I posted about the horsehair worms in the shower and included an image. Wonder if it’s earned me any followers?
Oh my. Those are seriously disturbing!
My all time fav is “How to use jello to rule the world.” In fact, some day I want to use that as a title for a book…
Sorry about the keyboard chastity one. I was worried my keyboard had been sleeping around.
AJ Jacobs man-crush. I got a few of those.
That is quite a collection. By far my favorite search time to come up in my stats is: stupid hipster games Settlers of Catan
my blog isn’t search-able on google, but when I read things like this it’s enough to make me want to enable that just so I can get some good stats too! 😉
I stopped looking at my stats because they made me feel bad :-). But when I was looking at them my top search was always ‘funeral scriptures’. I did write a post about this near the beginning of my blogging days, so I understand why I get hits for it. I just wish it wasn’t my top item. Oh, well. It could be urinary tract infection cartoons. Right? 😉
Well, now I’m curious about my own blog. How can I get my own stat program thingy?
The keyboard chastity one had me snickering. Loudly. Almost as loudly as my mommy’s going to jail.
Yikes! I didn’t know if I should laugh(which I did) or shiver with the heeby-jeeby’s(is there a correct way to spell that?..) Doesn’t that creep you out a little and make you wonder who is reading your blog? I have to agree that people searching for those “things” probably didn’t stop and read your blog too much…at least I hope they didn’t… 🙂 By the way, I think you are pretty “functional” and I love your blog! You have inspired me to maybe do a public blog. I just have a private one right now. But..now that I think about it that list may make me change my mind back again!
Obviously, I should blog about pee more often. 🙂
Some good ones lately:
Ginormica evil pumpkins
preschool procrastinates
90% of my google searches are some variation of what should a girl carry in her purse. It’s a burning question out there in Google-land.
Speaking of chastity searches, my friend once had this one: “Chastity super glue” I don’t even want to know what that would entail.
BWAHAHHAAHAHAHA!
Wow.
Apparently I don’t use google enough – it really can answer any of life’s questions, eh?
And I don’t use a stats website anymore. I found that I cared too much – although my husband checks it every now and then. I refuse to let him tell me anything about my blog.