Category Archives: Diapers

The dirty side of motherhood.

Vacation can kill you, and other random thoughts

Posted in Diapers by

chuck27e20cheeseThis vacation in Atlanta has been fairly laid back, but I still feel exhausted.  Here are a few important lessons I have learned this time around:

  • If my children are given the choice between going to heaven or going to Chuck E. Cheese, it’s a no-brainer.  (Oh, and apparently exchanging wads and wads of tickets for a one-inch Laffy Taffy and a mini Tootsie-Roll pop is much more rewarding than I would have imagined.)
  • Lots and lots of rain is only slightly better than lots and lots of snow.  You still get cabin fever.
  • When your mom asks you to help her shop for jeans, wear comfortable shoes and pack a lunch.
  • An air mattress does not count as a bed, I don’t care what anyone tells you.
  • If you go on a leisurely walk with your dad in a hilly neighborhood while pushing your 2-year-old in a stroller, it’s possible that your leg muscles might combust.
  • If your husband loves to browse eBay and Craig’s List, it may not be a wise budget move to leave him unsupervised at home for eight days.
  • If you would like to renew your faith in your children, just listen to your parents talk about them to their friends.  You’d think they were national treasures raised by a herd of angels.
  • Vacation makes your children lose their will to sleep.  No matter how hard you try to maintain a routine, they go to bed late and wake up too early.
  • When your mom thinks that homemade play-doh would be a fun idea for your kids, she’s right.  It will entertain Clark and Natalie for more than an hour and the mess is at her house instead of yours.
  • Note to self:  Do not save all of your children’s old books and toys for 35 years so that your grandchildren can play with them some day.  Chances are only about 23% that said grandchildren will survive the dust, mildew, small parts and 274 broken modern safety laws.  If you choose to break this “rule,”  keep plenty of band-aids and Benadryl on hand.
  • I really like Springtime, and really dislike Arctic wintertime.
  • It doesn’t really matter much how many years have passed or whether the homestead has changed location, spending time with parents and family always feels like home.

Well, that’s about as deep as I’m feeling today.  I’ve got to get some sleep so I can survive that 3 kids on the airplane thing tomorrow.

Tomorrow’s the last day to enter a limerick in the limerick contest.  There are some fun ones so far.  Watch for voting starting Wednesday.

And also Wednesday is the day you’ll need to reset the RSS feed for this blog as it switches to www.diapersanddivinity.com .  From what I understand, Google Reader, your sidebar post-updater-thing, or any RSS feed won’t pick up any new posts unless you re-subscribe.  Please come back and find me again or I’ll miss you.

And I’m going to Women’s Conference at BYU at the end of April… is anyone going to be there as well?  Might be fun to meet up for lunch one day or something.

Oh, and guess what?!  I actually won something in that giveaway at Mormon Mommy Blogs— a cool photo book.  Plus a bunch of other people I like won stuff too, so I was so excited when I saw the big announcement.  They also invited/approved for me to guest post there soon and I’m anxious about what to write… heavy on diapers or heavy on divinty, or a clever mix of both (that’s trickier sometimes).  Any advice?  Feel free to throw out a topic, too.

When public recognition goes too far

Posted in Diapers by

I’m a stay-at-home mom, right?  It’s a pretty low-profile job.  Don’t get me wrong, I think the job is akin to superhero status, but it’s also a little unspectacular— moms are kind of undercover superheroes whose heroic acts don’t show up in society for like 20 years.  I was informed, however, that perhaps I am underestimating my fame.  Behold this letter I got in the mail:

letter1

So, wow.  I’m going to represent my city in Who-knows-who’s Who’s Who.  I’m wondering whether my laundry skills or my perfectly-behaved children have qualified me for this honor.  I’m also not sure which “professional and business community” I’m representing.  Maybe I’m being recognized for my valuable contributions to the diaper industry and fast-food drive-thru windows.  They must be so thankful.  Wow, I have no words to thank the kind (and absolutely delusional) soul who nominated me for this great honor.  It kind of reminds me of the time that my mom secretly filled out the application for me to be in the Miss Teen USA pageant for the state of Georgia and I got a phone call saying I had been chosen.  I feel that same exhilaration (read:  confusion, amusement, and minor disgust) that I felt then.  And now that I’ve scanned the letter to share this great moment of recognition and fame, I think I’ll put it in the recycling bin where it belongs.  I know it’s hard for you to log off now that you know how famous I am, so here’s my autograph to keep you happy until my next post:

autograph1

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Reminder:  As of April 1, this blog will be hosted solely at http://www.diapersanddivinity.com (”wordpress” will no longer appear in the URL).  When that change takes place, the old feed will be reset and you will need to go there yourself and subscribe again (for the LAST time, I promise).  Any previous RSS feed will no longer work.

The “art” of smiling through gritted teeth

Posted in Diapers by

sc0037caacWhen you send a child to kindergarten, you simply have to accept that a once-private life has now gone public.  Anything the child says or does may now be held against you (and filed away in a a kindergarten teacher’s mind, probably to judge you for the rest of your life).

President Spencer W. Kimball said: “When children go off to school or to play with their friends, parents cannot be totally sure of what the children are learning. But if parents take time at home each evening to explain the gospel program to their children, it will replace the negative things they may learn during the day.”

Let me set the scene for you.  Today at the dinner table, Grant proudly showed Matt and me the drawings he did this week at his art-center table at school.

artwork1Me:  “Um, wow, Grant.  Is that you covering your ears when Natalie’s crying?”

Grant:  “Nope.  Not Natalie.  It’s my friend Josh.  He drawed a picture of me going pee-pee and I hated it.”

Me:  “Okay….?”

Matt piped up, “That looks like me right now with Clark.”  (Imagine in the background the wails of Clark in time-out.”

Me:  “What else did you draw?”

artwork2Grant smiles.

Me:  “Uh, are those guns?”

Grant: “Nope, they’re swords.”

Matt:  “I don’t think mom likes that one, Grant.”

Me:  “Remember scriptures this week where we read about the 10 commandments and one of them is Thou shalt not kill?”

Grant: (sheepishly)  “Oh yeah, sorry about that.  Here, this one will cheer you up.”

artwork3Me:  “Yep, that sure is cheery.”  (looking at Matt with raised eyebrows.)

Grant:  “Yeah, it’s me running away from a leopard.”

Curtain closes as Grant grins proudly and mom shakes head silently and plans next family home evening in her mind.

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Reminder:  As of April 1, this blog will be hosted solely at http://www.diapersanddivinity.com (”wordpress” will no longer appear in the URL).  When that change takes place, the old feed will be reset and you will need to go there yourself and subscribe again (for the LAST time, I promise).  Any previous RSS feed will no longer work.

Because I have my limits

Posted in Diapers by

No matter what happens with the economy, no matter how bad off we are, I will never, I repeat, never get a job working in the childcare center at Lifetime Fitness.  Even walking in there to drop off my children and pick them up makes me feel like I might need a padded room.  This is not an actual picture, but it conveys why I want to run away:

ed_crowd_of_children_school_pic_1

I believe I have the same feeling in that gym childcare center that I would have if I tried to go swimming at this pool in Japan:

crowded-pool-japan

I will clean toilets.  I will even do your laundry.  But I would rather chew glass and drink lemon juice than spend more than 5 minutes in that place.  The end.

What job would be on your “not even in the worst circumstances” list?

photo credit

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Reminder:  As of April 1, this blog will be hosted solely at http://www.diapersanddivinity.com (”wordpress” will no longer appear in the URL).  When that change takes place, the old feed will be reset and you will need to go there yourself and subscribe again (for the LAST time, I promise).  Any previous RSS feed will no longer work.

I wonder if I’ll even die on time.

Posted in Diapers, Divinity by

makes_eat_timeIn college, I had a roommate who was ALWAYS late.  It made me crazy.  We would all be ready to leave for church or a night out and she’d still have curlers in her hair and just be beginning the process of looking for her things and grabbing something to eat.  She would pretend like she was in a hurry, but she was so slow at getting things done.  I had no patience with her.

Fast forward to the present.  I know God loves me, but I’m confident He laughs at me.  He turned me into her.  He gave me children, and I became my old roommate.  I think I have been on time to less than one dozen events since Grant was born six years ago.  I do not think He will cure me of this problem until I stop getting mad about it.  I noticed the other day that I always drive like I’m in a hurry because, well, I usually am.  At best, I’m about five minutes behind schedule, and at worst … um, let’s just say that sometimes I give up on even going where I was headed in the first place.  Not to make excuses, but — actually, yes, I will make excuses!  These are the reasons I am never on time:

sc014edd45

  1. Children who wear diapers ALWAYS poop on the way out the door.
  2. It does not matter how many times you have done laundry and sorted thousands and thousands of pieces of mismatched footwear, your children will NEVER be able to find socks when you say it’s time to go.
  3. They do not want a coat when they need one, and they want to bring extraneous toys and books along when they do not need them.  Battles about said preferences ensue.
  4. Even if you get all your children dressed and ready one hour before it’s time to leave because you are trying EXTRA hard to be on time, they will pee their pants or step in yogurt in their socks or take off their jacket and hide it in some place that will take you at least 25 minutes to find later because they “don’t remember” where they put it.
  5. Although I’m finally starting to get past this stage, small children have a mass amount of equipment that needs to accompany them on every outing.  So even when you get them ready to go, you have to check your “suitcase” and make sure you  have enough junk to prepare you for anything that may come your way, from an extreme diaper blowout to the possibility of being abducted by aliens and having to entertain your child for an extended period of time while you wait to appear before the intergalactic tribunal.  I have no idea where that just came from.
  6. Even if I am going somewhere without the children, the process of getting out the door feels like trying to escape from quicksand.

Every time I hear one of those talks about how important it is to arrive to church early so that you can prepare yourself to hear the messages, and not be disruptive to the congregation with your late entrance, I just get mad.  Do the people who give this counsel remember what it’s like to have small children?  I’m mad at myself, mostly, because I can’t seem to figure it out.  I do not know why I have not been able to overcome this struggle.  I have tried many experiments.  Charts on the door.  Restraining all children in car seats and THEN gathering equipment.  Getting ready earlier.  Organizing my front closet so that all coats and shoes and backpacks and bags are easy-access.  Yelling and barking orders.  Skipping breakfast.  I’m still late.  I’m doomed.  Wait a second.  I just realized, for the very first time in six years, that I have never once prayed about it.  I’m serious.  I’ve never had that thought before.  Duh. Is there really a chance that Heavenly Father would help me get out the door on time?  Then what would He laugh at?  Oh please, He’s got PLENTY to keep Himself entertained on the Stephanie Channel.

I can’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, part of this whole struggle is not so that I learn to be on time, but so that I learn to be PATIENT.  Can I be rushed and still be kind to my children?  Can I purge myself of all the frustrated feelings and just get on with my life?  Can I be running late to church and not get mad about it, thereby ruining my chances of feeling the Spirit there anyway?  Ugh.  I have always loved the writings of Neal A. Maxwell and I found an awesome talk he gave entitled, “Patience.” Check out some of these gems from that talk:

“When we are impatient, we are neither reverential nor reflective because we are too self-centered. Whereas faith and patience are companions, so are selfishness and impatience.”  . . .

“Clearly, without patience, we will learn less in life. We will see less. We will feel less. We will hear less. Ironically, rush and more usually mean less. The pressures of now, time and time again, go against the grain of the gospel with its eternalism.”

I love his stuff because he takes simple principles and attributes and places them in an eternal perspective.  So I’m feeling a little renewed after writing this.  I might even humble myself enough to hear some of your suggestions for being on time.  I’ll try really hard not to roll my eyes when I read them.  But I’m definitely trying that prayer thing, too, because bless my roommate’s heart, living late all the time is no fun.

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Reminder:  As of April 1, this blog will be hosted solely at http://www.diapersanddivinity.com (“wordpress” will no longer appear in the URL).  When that change takes place, the old feed will be reset and you will need to go there yourself and subscribe again (for the LAST time, I promise).  Any previous RSS feed will no longer work.