Monthly Archives: November 2009

My son thinks I’m a murderer of the Earth.

Posted in Diapers by

Just in case you didn’t already know this, first grade turns you into genius.  During the course of your first year in elementary school, you will in fact become an expert on many topics, thereby learning that your parents are idiots.

(The subtitle of this post is:  Why I want to kick Grant’s science teacher in the knees.)

Thanks to Grant’s science teacher, our first-grader has become an environmental vigilante.  Never mind that we already have a fairly well-coordinated recycling program in place.  My recycling garbage can is always at least as full as my actual-garbage garbage can, we trade in our printer cartridges for refills, use rechargeable batteries, and replaced all our lightbulbs with those twirly-whirly- save-lots-of-money lightbulbs that I can’t remember the name of.  If the tree-huggers could look past my compulsive paper towel use and occasional paper plate use, I think they might be kind of proud of us.

I do not know if Mr. Science Man has a program in place where he bribes small children with treasures untold if they can confiscate half of their family’s belongings and bring them directly to him to be disposed of properly, but I have my theories.  Several times, Grant has tried to grab all our printer cartridges and convince us that he needs to take them to his science teacher, along with all our batteries.  That same self-proclaimed genius cannot seem to comprehend that I will recharge and refill them on. my. own. (thank you?) and thereby save our family some money.  “But Mr. Science Man says we have to bring them to him!”   No matter how I try to make him understand that his teacher’s intention is to keep those items from being thrown away, and we are NOT throwing them away, he still thinks I’m ruining his life as an activist.

Today he came from school and enjoyed his after-school snack for a few seconds before he jolted, quickly remembering that he is a man on a mission.

“Mom!  Do we have milk cartons or boxes or things that we can use to make other things?”

“They’re in the recycling bin, Grant.”

“No, mom!  We’re not supposed to throw them away.  That’s a waste!  We can use them.”

“Grant, when they are recycled, that means they can be melted down and use them again.  We are not wasting them.”

He began digging through my garbage.  I began picturing his science teacher in that torture machine from The Princess Bride.

He grabbed a ziploc bag and held it above his head, victorious.  “Do not throw these away, mom!  That is a waste.”

I rolled my eyes, “What?  Do you want to wash them out?”  “Yes!”  “Fine, you can do it.”

He kept digging.  “I need a bottle or something for my agates (small rocks designed to make your mother curse when she does the laundry).”

“Grant, the bottles are in the recycling bin which means they are going to be re- … never mind.”  I give up.

Anyway, I think educating our children is severely overrated. I offered him this box from the garbage to carry the rock collection he’s accumulating so he can impress Mr. Science Man.  I’m sure he’ll be thrilled when he sees how resourceful we are in our family.


 

General Conference Book Club Week 7: Elder Zeballos

Posted in General Conference Book Club by

This week we’ll spend a little time “Attempting the Impossible” and hopefully realizing that we truly have access to blessings we sometimes might feel are out of our reach.  This talk was given by Elder Jorge F. Zeballos during the Saturday afternoon session of General Conference.  I think it kind of slipped under the radar for me when I watched conference, but it caught my eye today as I was flipping through the Ensign.

o2009pulpit_2_4_zebal

“From a purely human point of view, at first [the commandment to become perfect] seems to be an impossible task. However, it begins to appear possible upon understanding that in order to achieve it, we are not alone. The most marvelous and powerful helps for which a human being may seek are always available.”

“Eternal life is to live with our Father and with our families forevermore. Should not this promise be the greatest incentive to do the best within our reach?”

I’ve been learning a lot of lessons lately about how a “purely human point of view” just doesn’t cut it as far as seeing things how they really are.  Learning to see our circumstances, the course of our lives, and even ourselves the way the Lord sees them all is quite liberating.  I’m curious to hear what you find in this talk that helps you see the impossible through different eyes.

You can read the talk here, or watch it here, or listen to it here.  It is also on page 33 of the conference edition of the Ensign.  If you’re dropping by the GCBC for the first time, you can learn how it works here.

I hate playing with my children.

Posted in Diapers, Divinity by

There, I said it.

Don't Break the IceI hate tea parties.
I hate Stratego, and Candy Land and Chutes and Ladders, and Hungry Hungry Hippos, Lucky Ducks, and especially Don’t Break the Ice.
I hate pretending I’m an animal.
I can’t stand holding little toys and making them have conversations with each other.
I really don’t enjoy activities where all the cushions and pillows from my couches are spread haphazardly on the floor throughout my house.
I would rather clean out my closets than use a silly, high voice and make Webkinz tell jokes to each other while they bonk each other on the head.

 

I am a horrible person.
And I’m not even being sarcastic.

This is exactly why I was afraid to have children in the first place. I knew that I was not endowed with the type of personality that would ever land me a job in a preschool or day-care environment. My gifts and talents seem to be best geared toward the few-steps-past-elementary-school and beyond kind of crowd.

And yet here I am.
A mother of three small children. They love to play.
And they want me to play with them, which I am as excited to do as I am to train for a marathon. Sometimes it feels that hard.

Part of the reason I had them in bulk was so that they would play with each other, and I must confess that usually that’s a good strategy. But they still want me, and I got the feeling today that maybe they wouldn’t fight me so much on the things that I want them to do if I were more accommodating occasionally on the things they want to do.

(You’re allowed to say things like “duh.” I can’t hear you.)

Earlier this week, I read this post by Erin where she talked about play being a child’s language of love. (I felt a little too guilty to comment.)

Then today, as I was cleaning up the playroom, I found this quote on the floor that used to be taped to the television before we implemented our what-you-will-surely-think-is-crazy rule of no TV on weekdays (which by the way has been way less dreadful than I feared it would be, but I’ll save that for another post if you even happen to care). The quote by Elder M. Russell Ballard says:

“Families need unstructured time when relationships can deepen and real parenting can take place. Take time to listen, to laugh, and to play together.”

So, rather than just feel guilty, I went back and looked at his talk about motherhood that the quote came from, and found this phrase there:

“There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children.”

So I tried to focus on my own skills for a minute. This is how I play with my children: I sing songs with them. I wrestle. I read them books. Lots and lots of books. I like to go to the zoo or aquarium or museum with them. I like to answer their questions about the world around them.  Sometimes we make cookies. I like to play outside with them (when it’s warm). I print out pictures for them to color and then I applaud their amazing art skills. I ask them questions about their friends and their day.

Maybe I’m not a horrible person.
I can do better because, come on, how hard is it really to play a dumb game for five minutes? And they would love it. So in some ways, I need to stop making excuses and “sacrifice” with just a little more joy. But, I can also focus on my strengths and “play” them up.

And though I was nervous about having children, and certainly nervous about my own abilities, I have never regretted the choice to be a mother.  I love these three kids more than I love anything else in the whole world.  Sure, my life might be “easier” without them, but it would also be much, much emptier.  They deserve more of me, and I deserve more of the lovey-huggy-warm stuff that automatically happens when I give them more of myself.

But I still might throw away Don’t Break the Ice.

What advertisements really tick you off?

Posted in Protecting Innocence Project by

Partially because I’m feeling a little bit stupid that I actually named a post “This is a really good post,” I’m turning the crux of this post over to you, my readers who have proved yourselves wise many times over.

Some of you know that I am working on a project that I feel really strongly about called the “Protecting Innocence Project.”  (This might help if you feel out of the loop.)  You probably thought it was on hold or that I totally dropped the ball, but it’s actually still in full-force behind the scenes.  There’s been a huge effort in gathering research and exchanging information among a fabulous team of volunteers, and my brother-in-law has been an invaluable help in the design and functionality of the site.  It’s a bigger undertaking then I orginally expected, but I think it will be FANtastic when all is said and done.

A couple people (thanks Laurie and Tenille!) have helped me compile a list of some frequent offenders in the makes-ads-that-are-inappropriate-for-children category, usually because their advertisements are obscene, suggestive, profane, disrespectful, or downright pornographic.  We have also gathered contact information for these companies so that we can speak out and complain when we don’t like the kind of media they parade before our children’s eyes.

Can you think of anyone else we should add to this list?  What are some companies that need to be made aware that their advertisements are inappropriate?  Please consider television, radio, print media (including magazines, billboards,  and store window displays), on-line ads, or any other medium you can think of.

If you have any companies to add, please share them in the comments, and if you’re feeling super ambitious and can track down contact information (including address, phone number, and/or email) where complaints could be submitted, it would be great if you could include that as well.

BKNick1Abercrombie and Fitch
American Apparel
American Eagle
Anheuser-Busch
Armani
Axe Body Spray
BMW
Boost Mobile
Burger King
Calvin Klein
Cialis
Cosmopolitan Magazine
Dove
Dr. Scholl’s
godaddy.com
Gossip girl
Hardee’s/ Carl’s Jr
Heineken
Herbal Essence
Hooters
Jimmy Choos
Joe Boxer
Levi’s
Levitra
Lifestyle’s Skyn Condoms
Marc Jacobs Clothing Designer
Nike
Schick Razors
Seventeen Magazine
Tampax
The Gap
The Limited
Tommy Hilfiger
Veet
Venus Clothing
Venus Razor (Gillette)
Viagra
Victoria’s Secret
Virgin Records
Vogue
Wrangler

Thanks so much.  And start gathering up all your courage to speak out more often when you come across inappropriate media, because Protecting Innocence Project will make it a lot easier for you to do.   Watch out smut lords, here comes an army of mama bears!

This is a really good post. You should read it.

Posted in Divinity by

While walking the treadmill at the gym with my good friend Shantel the other day, we had a conversation about two things that are frequent themes on my blog:  the often misunderstood, nevertheless eternal importance of motherhood and the sometimes crushing sense of underachievement we women tend to drag around with us.  Amidst the pathetic huffing and puffing, our conversation turned to the scriptures.  I can’t speak for Shantel (who usually knows everything already), but I had a major lightbulb moment.

I’m hoping I can share it well because the principles are awesome. (Hence, the incredibly demure title of this post.)

Women are pulled in so many directions, our expectations dictated by an ever-demanding society and our own overactive sense of self-judgment.  We are bombarded with thousands of skills, ideas, practices, habits, philosophies, and even possessions that are somehow advertised as necessary pieces of the puzzle that is the “fulfilled modern woman.”  Give me a break.  Even when we can see through all the smoke and mirrors and try hard to focus our priorities on what we know really matters, we hear spoken and unspoken messages suggesting we should really be doing more with our lives.  Making a difference.  Making a name for ourselves.  We’re told we can be better mothers if we fulfill ourselves in myriad areas of our lives (like a career, for example) and focus on our own needs (“Spoil yourself.  You deserve it.”).  Elder Ballard taught recently:
“Water cannot be drawn from an empty well, and if you are not setting aside a little time for what replenishes you, you will have less and less to give to others, even to your children.”
His message refers, I think, mostly to our spiritual reservoirs and certainly also to allowing ourselves opportunity to develop talents and interests.  However, society has twisted and abused this point to mean that women should do everything and anything we want to do or are capable of doing, or we’ll have nothing valuable to offer.  Anyway, all of that was more of a rant than the actual lesson I learned.  Here is what a couple Bible stories taught me about the simple glory of being a stay-at-home mom, or at least the best kind of mom and woman I can be.

Marys_Anointing_of_Jesus_small From Matthew 26:

6 Now when Jesus was in Bethany, in the house of Simon the leper,
7 There came unto him a woman having an alabaster box of very precious ointment, and poured it on his head, as he sat at meat.
8 But when his disciples saw it, they had indignation, saying, To what purpose is this waste?
9 For this ointment might have been sold for much, and given to the poor.
10 When Jesus understood it, he said unto them, Why trouble ye the woman? for she hath wrought a good work upon me.

Now, this woman brought the finest she had and shared it with the Savior.  The disciples called it a “waste,” suggesting she should give it to the poor or use it in a way to do so much more good in the world.  The Savior rebukes them and reminds them that He is a worthy recipient of her good works.  Think of this in terms of taking all our education, our precious time, our talents and resources that could maybe make us powerful or famous or of great influence elsewhere in the world, and yet, we wipe noses and wash feet.  Like the disciples, others may say or we may ask ourselves, “Don’t you wish you could do more with your life?”  Think of the Savior’s assertion just one chapter earlier that “Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”  The same account in Luke tells us that she was also a sinner.  She was not perfect by any means, but the Savior accepted and honored her offering, deemed it better than any other way she could have spent herself, and he accepted her.

GREENE_Nathan_Martha_and_MaryFrom Luke 10:

38 Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house.
39 And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard his word.
40 But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me.
41 And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:
42 But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

Martha was trying hard to do what was right, but she also tried to impose her version of what-should-be-done onto Mary.  She even complained to the Savior that Mary should be doing more.  He gently pointed out that by simply focusing on Him, Mary’s “doing less” was actually doing more; a personal relationship with Him was– and still is– the good part.  Society and even well-meaning friends, family and peers may try to impose upon us their standards for our success, but what the Savior measures us by is solely our attention and response to personal revelation from Him as we act out our part in life.  He, and He alone, sets the only “rules” that matter.  We can try to meet everyone else’s expectations, and even our exaggerated own, until we are blue in the face, but it’s not supposed to be that hard, and we might just end up missing out on the needful good part.
Martha4
So in a world of mixed messages and voices that tell us we are never enough, I’m thankful for Jesus Christ, who asks so little of me by comparison.  I feel bold enough to say that what I often see as mundane He will (and does) crown with glory.  He loves my children even more than I do, and my heart is enough for Him.  And really, that’s all that matters.