Monthly Archives: September 2011

Find-A-Friend Friday: Meet Carrie

Posted in Find-A-Friend Friday by

This week is our chance to meet Carrie.  I met her through blogging and only know her as an online friend.  She started reading my blog a while back, which I thought was really cool because she didn’t even have any children at the time.  She recently had her first little daughter, and I’ve really enjoyed watching her take the transformative journey of motherhood on her own blog.  She writes honestly about her experiences.  This post is one of my favorites that she wrote about the challenging new life as a mother, and just this week she wrote another post where she said something I loved:  “… in all the gaps of me, Heavenly Father was there. He just filled in what i couldn’t do.”  Meet Carrie:

Hi! I’m teachergirl on the internet and Carrie in real life. I live in a smallish collegetown in the south where football AND basketball rules the community.  You don’t want to try to go anywhere on a football Saturday; of course, I wouldn’t dare, since I’m glued to my TV watching all the SEC games I can manage to get in.  I have been married for two years to the love of my life and my very best friend, musicboy, who is studying to become a high school band director (we’ll never be far away from a football game…) and we had our first baby, a girl, in April.  We met in Institute and became best friends; he left to go on a mission, I had hope that maybe he would date me when he got back, and he did! We were married 9 months after he got back. Letters for the win! 🙂

I’m the only daughter of an amazing single mom who managed to work, raise me, and go to college at night for most of my early childhood.  I was born in California, but moved to the South when I was in college.  I like it much better, to be honest with you.   I got married a little later than most (and robbed the cradle! my husband is 9 years younger than me) so while I was waiting for that dream to come true, I made a few more happen. I graduated last year with my Ph.D. in English, and now teach college courses (mostly) from home while I care for our daughter.  I love teaching (hence my online name) and am grateful that I had the opportunity to pursue so much education before our daughter was born.  I feel like I have really gotten to do all of the things that I wanted to do on my own, and now I get the chance to help our children and my husband realize their dreams.  I’m really thankful for that gift.

 What’s your favorite part of motherhood?

Baby giggles and smiles.  I’ll never forget how it felt when I got my first belly laugh out of our girl, for doing something simple like rubbing noses with her.  Cuddles. Being able to solve a problem faster because I know what to do.  Seeing her grow and do things she just has been working on forever.  Development is astounding.  Realizing that I just really LIKE my kid.  Rocking her to sleep.

Name 2 or 3 items on your “bucket list.”  (Some things you’d like to do before you die.)

Touch the Eiffel Tower (and visit Europe in general).  Serve a mission with my husband.  Own a home.  Be debt-free (oh student loans).

Brag for a minute.  Do it.  What are a few things that you’re pretty good at?

I’m a good teacher.  I cook pretty well, though I don’t do it as often as I should.  I’m a pretty great baker.  My husband says “mommying. baking. reading real fast. a very good friend and listener.”  [He got kisses for that. :)]

What are you loving lately?

–Finding mom friends. It’s hard for me, especially because most of the young moms that I felt a kinship to have moved out (the perils of living in a college town). While I love mom friends of all ages, I especially am loving finding a few (online!) who seem like, as Anne Shirley would say, kindred spirits.

–The peace I feel when I am putting in, let’s face it, even the most minimal effort toward scripture reading and prayer.  It’s like an amazing buffer against Satan.

–How incredible exercising makes me feel.  It kills the frustration in my life. It’s my me time…I’d been searching for it and I’ve finally found it. It’s lovely.

–The hint of fall in the air, even down here in the Sweaty South. It always gives me hope. I feel like it must be how Northerners feel about spring.

Do you have a favorite scripture or quote?  Why?

Lately, the idea of steadfastness has been on my mind.  I have too many favorite scriptures to quote, but when I remember “Be still, and know that I am God,” it tends to seriously chill me out.  As I was waiting for my baby to come, that was the scripture that kept coming to mind.

What do you gravitate toward during your unscheduled time?

I’m superguilty of spending way too much time on the Internet. I’m pretty sure it is my one way to reach out and find adults.  When the baby is asleep, I am working (usually) so I don’t know that i have “unscheduled” time. If I could have that, I would read. I would crack out my sewing machine and try to make something adorable for the Maggie girl.  I would find some sort of adventure for our family to take–more than likely, we’d go to the beach for the first time ever as a family.

Tell us some of your best mom-tricks  (things you’ve figured out that work well for you).

Well, I’m new in this mommy deal.  But the lesson I’ve learned the most poignantly is to trust myself.  That thing they say about mommy instinct is TRUE. I read a lot of books, about schedules and sleep and all manner of kid training, and they pretty much all made me feel like a failure because once she was born, we just sort of let her lead.  It hasn’t failed us yet, but there’s a lot of clamoring voices anxious to tell you that what you’re doing as a parent is wrongWRONGwrong.  It’s taken me the last five months to feel remotely comfortable about our choices.

Also? “I Am A Child of God” has magic in it.

Learning to laugh when the baby laughs is great therapy.  I’ve also found the merit of the 15 minute blitz. Now that we have an exersaucer, I can usually get 15 minutes out of her when she is independent and happy as she’s playing (yes, we’re in that phase).  It’s amazing how much you can get done.

Buy more than you think you’ll need if it’s a baby product. Nothing worse than running out of diapers/wipes/formula/diaper rash cream/etc when you really need it and look like the epic unwashed. Plus, there’s no more running to the store quickly. It takes me 40 minutes to even anticipate a trip out of the house.

What’s something you don’t usually want people to know about you, but that they need to know if they’re going to be your friend?

I’m my worst critic. I will often speak unkindly about myself while I will try not to speak that way about anyone else.  It’s something that I don’t like about myself, but I think it’s (a bit of introspective self-analysis here) a way of getting it out there before anyone else can. I think I’m secretly looking for people to disagree with me. Also, I’m always striving for perfection and rarely see how much I actually do accomplish–instead, I see what i have yet to cross off.  Wow, I sound like a bucket of fun, don’t I? 🙂

What parts of your testimony are you the most sure of?

That Heavenly Father knows me by name and loves me no matter what. My first moment of feeling the intensity of the Spirit answering my prayer as a teenaged girl was when I asked this question for myself. So, I have never doubted it since.  That He keeps His promises–my life is a testimony of this. That when we put in the least amount of effort to show Him that we want to follow Him, the heavens open and we are blessed with so much more than we could ever possibly deserve.  That prayer works in any situation.  That we will always have sufficient for our needs.

If you were awarded an “honorary degree” in something, what should it be and why?

Multitasking and listmaking. At any given moment, I’m probably doing 3 different things. This isn’t always a good thing, but it’s necessary right now.  Even if I’m only DOING one thing, it’s likely I’m thinking about the next three that need to be done. I’m sincerely hoping that someday I’ll get better at being efficient and being in the moment more.

Give your best advice to a newlywed or expectant mom.

Newlywed: Spend lots and lots of time together.  Learn everything you can about that person, including how they deal with stress and life craziness.  Figure out what you expect from that person and then reconsider it–is it important that he replace the toilet paper roll? If so, please please PLEASE just talk about it. We expect men to read our minds. They just don’t and won’t and it’s too much of a waste of time to wait around for that miracle to happen.  Work hard. Play hard. Love each other a lot.  Cuddle every day.  Remember the little things.  Pay down as much debt as possible.

Expectant: Find moms that you respect.  They can be older or younger with kids grown and gone or just a few weeks/months older than yours. Find them and become friends.  You’ll need support. Line it up now.  You might be surprised at who you are guided to–ask Heavenly Father to help.  You really may be an entirely different mom than you think.  Be okay with that.  Recognize that you’re new to this deal and all of your planning can’t possibly prepare you for this person that you haven’t met.  Advice is great but please remember that YOU ARE THE MOM.  You know better than you think you do. Your biggest job right now, before the baby comes, is to take care of yourself.  Your biggest job, one that doesn’t ever go away, after the baby comes is to care for that little person. Take the time to get to know his/her language. It’s hard, but you’ll get there. When you feel like you have, when you feel the gentle tugging of your gut instinct and the Spirit, listen to it. It won’t steer you wrong.

If you could make a pie chart (graph) of your thoughts during the last week or so, what would take up most of the space?

Teething and related issues (including, but not limited to, a grunting crankypants, diaper rash, spit up, tugging at ears, and feeling for/looking at the new tooth): 52%

How on earth do I exercise/lose this stubborn baby weight/stop eating copious amounts of sugar?: 12%

Workworkworkmustdomorework: 28%

Laundry/dishes: 2% (they both were pretty piled up)

Naps/sleep, for me and baby: whatever’s left, and probably more. 🙂

Tell us about your blog:

My blog is called “just so long and long enough,” which comes from the e.e. cummings poem “i carry your heart.”  i love it and it describes the way i feel about my husband. when we got married, i started this new blog (i had one before that wasn’t anonymous, but decided that i wanted this one to be) as we started our new life.  it’s just the ramblings of me–i talk mostly about our daughter and my journey into motherhood. my frustrations, my joys, my wonder at her very existence–they’re all there. i talk a little about how hard it is to be a mom and to turn into a mom and still figure out who the heck you are, and every once in a while i’ll rant about students or about life in general. i think it’s a pretty good glimpse of where my head is at, though i have found myself editing it more because of who reads it.  tells me it’s time to have a journal again. 🙂

Please visit Carrie’s blog or give her a quick hello in the comments here.  Thanks Carrie for joining our Friday friend party!

Happy weekend, everyone.

thankyouverymuch.

Posted in Uncategorized by

Here’s the thing about gratitude:  It’s a catch-all feel-good.  When you thank someone for something you appreciate, you both feel better.  A little while back, when I was having a harried day and had to run to the pharmacy for another sick child, I ran into an elderly man that I recognized from my college days. I said hello to him, but for some reason I felt a flood of gratitude when I got back in my van as I realized what an important role he had played in my life.  (He was my mission-prep teacher at BYU, plus the Stake president that set me apart for my mission.)  I went home and wrote him a thank-you letter to tell him how much I appreciated all he had done during a very developmental time in my life and in my testimony.  I can’t tell you how good it made me feel to write that.  I just mulled over and over the blessings that the Lord has given me.  I really have no idea how he felt when he got it, but I’m sure he’s been secretly trying to hunt me down since then to thank me profusely for my life-changing note.  Or something.  Anyway, thank-you notes rock.

Beloved blog friend Melanie Jacobson just published her second novel, Not My Type.  In her own words, the genre is “LDS chick lit,” so it’s full of romantic tension, characters that are both hip and righteous, and very fun, sassy banter in the dialogue.  The cool thing about the book is how the theme of gratitude is woven throughout the main character’s conflict resolution.  Pepper Spicer (cute name, huh?) is extremely discouraged about her young adult life–  embarrassing romantic failure, living with her parents, working at a sandwich shop instead of living out her career dreams — in short, not at all what she’d wished for.  Her current circumstances leave her flitting between depression and bitterness.  Her wise father challenges her to take some steps toward a happier life, and a key element of his advice is writing thank-you notes.  She scoffs at the naivete of his solution, but agrees to give it a shot.  It’s fun to see how her life changes as she learns to embrace the good in her past and her present.  And since it’s LDS chick lit, of course this solution also involves a handsome, witty man.  So if you’re looking for a fun read that lets you relive the exciting upheaval of your young adult dating years (without the terrible accompanying emotional pain), you need to get a copy of Not My Type for yourself.

Can I help you out a little with that?  On Saturday, September 22nd at the Barnes & Noble in Murray, Utah, Melanie is having a book release party along with several other talented authors.  More info below*.  Anyway, I’m going to go.  And I’m going to buy one of you a copy of her book.  Here’s the catch.  You have to write a thank you note to someone.  Go do it right now.  It can be an email or snail mail– I’m not picky.  It does, however, have to be sincere; maybe think of someone who could really benefit from your gratitude.  When you’re done, come back here and report in the comments.  Anyone who does so will be entered in a drawing to win a copy of Not My Type, which I will purchase and get Melanie her majesty to sign in person, with a love note to you.

In case you have no desire to thank any one at all, or if you just want to double your chances, I think there are repeated giveaways going on here, too.  Or you could come to the book release and buy your own.  Or, of course, you can just buy one here or here or even on Kindle here.  🙂

“My brothers and sisters, do we remember to give thanks for the blessings we receive? Sincerely giving thanks not only helps us recognize our blessings, but it also unlocks the doors of heaven and helps us feel God’s love. . . . We often take for granted the very people who most deserve our gratitude. Let us not wait until it is too late for us to express that gratitude.”  — Thomas S. Monson

See that, Melanie?  You and President Monson were in the same post!  It’s like vicariously participating in General Conference Book Club.  *wink*

Okay, everyone, as you were.  After you write a thank-you note or buy a book.  Okay, I’m done.

* Thursday, September 22 · 6:00pm – 8:00pm,  Barnes & Noble: 5300 South State Street, Murray, Utah; participating authors: Sarah M. Eden, Melanie Bennett Jacobson, Josi S. Kilpack

GCBC Week 24: “The Atonement Covers All Pain” by Elder Kent F. Richards

Posted in General Conference Book Club by

Guys, in THREE weeks time, we will be able to tune in to General Conference again.  Those of us who have participated in GCBC will have read ALL of the talks delivered from the pulpit during the four main sessions of April’s General Conference.  It’s awesome.  Living prophets are amazing.  God’s word is so great.  Thanks so much for your participation in this ride. You guys keep me on track.

Next up is:

“The Atonement Covers All Pain”

by Elder Kent F. Richards

of the Quorum of the Seventy

This quote about the Savior made me think deeply about what his saving role means, and how it’s really not as “done” as I’ve often thought of it.

“Perhaps His most significant work is in the ongoing labor with each of us individually to lift, to bless, to strengthen, to sustain, to guide, and to forgive us.”

What stood out to you as you studied this talk?  Share your thoughts in the comments below.  If you’re new to General Conference Book Club, check us out here.

Find-A-Friend Friday: Meet Shantel

Posted in Find-A-Friend Friday by

This is a big day, ladies. Today I get to introduce you to one of my favorite people in the whole world.  Shantel was my best friend in Minnesota.  She and her family moved in to our ward about a year after we did, but I was in Primary and didn’t really have the chance to get to know her.  Somehow I knew she was into theater, so one night on a whim, I called her up and invited her to go see a Shakespeare play.  I wanted to go, but Matt’s not really into Old English, and I wanted someone to enjoy it with me.  The play was awesome. Well, that started a friendship that I think I can say was, and still is, a huge blessing to both of us.  (Shantel, I just had a thought.  Was I your visiting teacher for a couple of months?  Is that how I knew about your theater background?  Man, if so, this is a great VT success story.  Woohoo!, I finally have something inspirational to say at those annual visiting teaching conferences where I usually just feel guilty.) To make a long story short, Shantel is a soul-friend.  We have seen each other cry and make fools of ourselves and we’ve also cheered each other on through accomplishments big and small.  And our husbands get along too, which is a rare blessing that made for many fun double dates.  Matt knows that whenever I’m fretting about something or trying to think it all the way through, if I just call Shantel, I’ll get more insight and feel better.  I feel truly lucky to count her among my very best friends.  She’s amazing, but overly modest, so I will be interrupting her interview regularly to give you my biased commentary.  Okay, friends, behold Shantel:

Hello! My name is Shantel Gardner. I live in Apple Valley, Minnesota with my husband Joel and five children. I have been married 15 years, and my children are as follows: Brooklyn- 14, Sawyer-11, Porter- 8, Ella- 6 and Emma 4. Oh– and we have an overweight Golden Retriever named Maggie. She’s the awesome that makes our family awesome.

I grew up in the small farming metropolis (that means no stop light) town of Duchesne, Utah. After graduating, I went to Snow College, then moved to Vegas — where I met Joel– and attended UNLV. Two weeks after we were married, we moved to Arizona, where I attended ASU- (do you have college whiplash yet?) –and we started our family. We lived there for about 11 years, then one year in Reno, and then *BAM* Minnesota. I am now at the U of M getting my two bachelors in Religious Studies and History, with a minor in Jewish Studies. I am a historian of early Mormon Church history, with emphasis on Emma Smith and the personal life of Joseph Smith. I also serve on the board for the Joseph Smith Jr. and Emma Hale Smith historical society under the direction of Elder Ballard, and I do a lot of stuff and things for them [like speak at conferences in Nauvoo, Palmyra, Winter Quarters, etc., including family reunions for the direct descendants of Joseph and Emma to help them learn more about their amazing ancestry].

What’s your favorite part of motherhood? I love that Motherhood is so loved by the Lord. I love that the everyday, ordinary, mundane tasks that I do every day are like crown jewels to him and He treasures them so much. I love knowing that what I have chosen to do with my life makes him happy and is the most valuable thing in the Kingdom of God.

What part of motherhood would you subcontract out if you could? Listening to the whining. I mean come on people….get over yourselves.

Name 2 or 3 items on your “bucket list.” (Some things you’d like to do before you die.) Finish my degree, see the Holy Land- and most importantly and number one- meet my grandchildren. At least attend one birth- then I’m good. Beam me up Scotty.  [oh yeah, Shantel’s a doula too, which I honestly used to think was a little whackadoodle, but then she helped deliver my sister’s baby, and I honestly think my sister would now trade me in for Shantel if she could.]

Brag for a minute. Do it. What are a few things that you’re pretty good at? I am good at seeing angles of things that most people don’t see. Also details about things most people don’t see. This has been the greatest blessing of my life.

What are you loving lately? George Washington, Buddhism and lemon orzo soup from Panera. Amazing man and amazing soup! [She emailed me yesterday and told me to add Hebrew and Professor Levinson to this list.  She just started the class at the University of Minnesota this week, and as of this afternoon, successfully memorized the Hebrew alphabet.]

Do you have a favorite scripture or quote? Why? When Joseph Smith restored the Relief Society, he said, “If you live up to your privileges, angels cannot be restrained from being your associates.” That is a few words with a powerful punch. And he was telling the truth!

What’s something you don’t usually want people to know about you, but that they need to know if they’re going to be your friend? I have high-functioning Asperger’s [on the autism spectrum], so I have little-to-no filter– I can’t make decisions like “where are we going to eat?” and I hyper-obsess on topics. So you have to have good self-esteem, constantly assume I mean the best and kind of take over anytime there is anything social happening. Flip-side of this is that I am like a brick wall to offend. And I love a fair amount of irreverence. If you can make me laugh- I will probably stalk you. [You also need to know (and she probably wouldn’t tell you this) that all of her children– yes all FIVE– are diagnosed with varying degrees of autism.  I cannot begin to tell you what a mother phenomenon she is, but she hates to be told that because they are just her children and they’re awesome, and she doesn’t see her circumstances as any special kind of challenge.  She is absolutely confident that the Lord parents them and she’s just an assistant.]

If you were in charge of a girls’ night out, what kind of activity would you love to plan? I don’t plan- I tag along. [Guess what? She’s coming to visit me next week and we’re having an entire girls’ weekend. I can’t wait.]

Friends are great for venting. What’s been frustrating you lately? Let me use this question to talk about friends. I love diversity, and I love to have friends that don’t share my beliefs. I don’t like being agreed with all the time. I recoil from judgment on anybody or anything- but I do my share of it, so when I vent, I need someone to just roll with me- I will eventually move on.

What parts of your testimony are you the most sure of? A few things are rock solid for me:  Jesus Christ is the literal head of this church. He runs this church and it is His. Every jot and tittle. Joseph Smith IS a prophet of God, and that the Book of Mormon is another testament of Jesus Christ. [Shantel has an amazing testimony of the prophet Joseph and the restoration.  She has dedicated years of prayerful study to understanding the lives, history, personalities and circumstances of Joseph and Emma.  I once wrote a little bit about that here.]

Desert Island Question. If you were stranded on a desert island and could only take 3 items with you, what would they be? My pillow, chocolate, my laptop (with Wi-Fi)

What homemaking job/task gives you the most satisfaction? The parenting part, when I can see I got through. A child feels loved, or got a life principle. Or when I see things I like about Joel or myself showing up in my kids. [Her oldest daughter is the funnest combination of both of them, by the way.]

Shantel hasn’t written on her blog for several months and she felt embarrassed to even mention it, plus it’s private, so I’m going to direct you to a cool two-part series she wrote about Emma Smith over at “Women in the Scriptures”: Part 1 and Part 2.

Please take a minute to say hello to Shantel in the comments below.  I know she’ll check them compulsively hoping that people didn’t think she’s an idiot.  🙂  Thank you, thank you, Shantel.  Thank you for being such a good friend and good example to me.  It’s a gift to know someone like you.

Happy weekend, everyone.

Stuff that’s Utah’s fault.

Posted in Uncategorized by

I’ve lived in Utah a whole year now.  I can hardly believe it.  Anyway, as was inevitable, living in Utah has changed my life in a few ways:

  1. Kids everywhere. Any one of my children has 5 or more possible play-date friend options within walking distance.  This means that my children play more at other people’s houses and more children play here than I’ve ever been used to in the past.  Despite my previous aversion to other people’s children, it’s been quite nice.
  2. We’ve always enjoyed little camping trips, but now they’re all in the desert.  I’m a lush forest and flowered trails kind of girl, but Matt keeps trying to convince me that the desert is “beautiful in its own way.”  I’d agree that parts of it are magnificent.  The miles and miles of flat, ugly, and boring in between the magnificence are a little less impressive though.  Here’s where we camped over Labor Day, at Goblin Valley State Park:
  3. Did you know that you can buy food storage/emergency essentials (like huge buckets of wheat) as well as LDS literature in most local grocery stores?  That still weirds me out a little bit.
  4. Utah makes you fat.  No, seriously.  All of my clothes are too tight now, and since I refuse to take any personal responsibility, I’m flat-out blaming it on Utah.  Matt, if we move back to the South or midwest, I promise I would lose 20 pounds in a year.  The only logical thing I can think of to blame this phenomenon on is the abundance of long-lost friends that live here and the accompanying lunch dates to catch up.  (That was a weird sentence, but I don’t really know how to fix it.)
  5. There is crafty stuff everywhere, and I am not much of a crafter– never have been.  But I have admittedly been influenced by some of the stuff I’ve seen, and I’ve even had the courage to try a few things myself.  I wish you knew how uncharacteristic that is.  So, I made this FHE chart for our family.  I totally dreamed up the whole concept by myself while browsing the rows at Hobby Lobby (waiting for a picture to be framed).  Not only that, but I realized that I couldn’t be an official citizen of Utah unless I put some kind of vinyl quote on my wall.  So I custom ordered this little ditty from here based on an FHE lesson we had once and have returned to in concept many, many times.  I guess it’s sort of like a family motto or goal or something like that.  (I painted that little house. Move over, Picasso.)

Anyway,  I’m sure there’s more, but that’s all I can come up with.  Oh, and obviously moving to Utah has made me a way lamer blogger.  I recently browsed through all my old archives and I thought, Hey, I used to have a pretty cool blog when I actually spent time on it.  I’m still undecided about whether I’m going to do blog therapy or let it keep sliding downhill.  Time will tell.  But no matter what happens, it’s all Utah’s fault.

p.s.  As a side note, despite the temptation that abounds on local billboards and magazines, I have not yet had plastic surgery, been to a quick-cash store, or done eyelash extensions.  I do, however, have fantastic neighbors and I’ve had the privilege of attending several meetings and firesides and conferences taught by amazing people, so you know, it’s not all bad.