Before I was a mother . . .

• I did not know that after a full day of picking up toys and hounding others to do the same, a slew of inappropriate thoughts and words would come rushing into my mind when I stepped on a Mr. Potato Head piece at 2 a.m.

• I had no idea that when I was awakened by a flashlight in my retina, spilled yogurt on the floor and the smell of a potty-training accident, it would take almost an entire day before I could let the angry feelings go.

• I never thought that I would breathe out threatenings like a fiery dragon when my 4 1/2 year old still wouldn’t poop on the potty.

• I wasn’t aware that when I function on almost no sleep, even the tiniest inconvenience can tip my scales and make me the wicked witch of the homestead.

• I thought I was a morning person.

• I even thought I was a patient and laid-back person. (laugh out loud)

• I was punctual and responsible, and got really annoyed when other people were late.  I think I’ve been on time to 6 events in the last 5 years.

• I certainly didn’t think I’d ever be one of those moms whose entire house is full of chaos and clutter.

(And don’t get me started on personal hygiene, and exercise and beauty routines …)

But the fact is, I did become a mom and I was forced to face some truths about myself that were quite shocking and disagreeable.  Whenever new moms ask for advice, I always say, “Be prepared to learn things about yourself that you don’t like.  It’s hard, but you’ll figure it out.”  Of course this realization is wonderful, too, because it’s exactly what makes us turn to our Savior for help.  Learning that we are not as strong as we thought we were makes us recognize how much we need Him.  I always loved the scripture in Ether 12:27, and even more now that I’m a mom:  “And if men [or women, or moms] come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”  I just love that.  Given the list above, how could I not?

(This entry was originally posted on August 23, 2008.  I’m trying to recreate my lost archives.)

We all know that being a mom means giving up a lot of things, and yes, we get back lots of blessings in return.  But does anyone else out there totally fail in that balancing trick between give your whole self to your job as a mother and put yourself first?  I figure it’s impossible; it’s like trying to take a shower and blow dry your hair at the same time… you’re going to get burned!  And I get the whole concept of if you don’t take care of yourself then there’s less of you to give, but exactly how does that work when even the 110% version of yourself probably isn’t enough to get it all done anyway?  (I mean, seriously, if you could see my house right now, you would laugh out loud that I’m dispensing anything remotely resembling advice or wisdom of any kind.)

The only way that I’ve been able to come to terms with this is the Christian doctrine of grace… the whole concept of  Do the very best that you can, and the Lord will make up the difference.  And let’s face it, He’s not going to step in and finish off the laundry or strike your screaming child mute for the last 5 minutes of the ride home, but I take confidence in the hope that He will let my children turn out alright anyway.  He won’t let my frequent failures and occasional disasters be the tragic flaw in my overall motherhood effort.  I believe God will overlook my shortcomings and bless my sincere efforts; He will make it all turn out as if I’d done it right in the first place.  So maybe it’s fantasy, but it gets me through… doesn’t it make you feel better too?