I hardly blogged at all over the last couple of weeks because I was just enjoying the down time of the holidays.  It really was down time– lots of laziness and mellow family “recreation.”  So nice.  But there are a handful of things that I would have blogged about if I felt like blogging, and I need to just unload them all… you know, get it out of my system.  So without further ado, a pile of miniature blog-posts:

1. I gave my blog a makeover.  I felt like I needed to just simplify it and downplay all the diaper and baby imagery.  I have a complex because my blog title is Diapers and Divinity, and with the exception of one child in nighttime pull-ups, I’m actually now beyond the diaper stage.  I still like the title because the blog is still about the balance between the dirty side of motherhood and the divine side, but anyway, I’m letting the diapers go.  I feel old.  And free.  Ha!
2. I also gave my hair a makeover.  I had like 6-inch roots, so thanks to a gift-certificate from my mother-in-law, I went and got it cut and highlighted.  I’m growing it out longer again, at least until summertime.  We’ll see.
3. I took the kids and we went and got our portraits done as a Christmas gift for Matt.  I was overdue getting them done anyway, so it seemed like a good idea.  I don’t want to make you jealous or anything, but I’m afraid my children are just handsomer than all the rest in the world.  So sorry.
4. Despite their handsomeness, they leave on lights EVERYwhere.  Matt is thinking about changing out all their light switches for those timer knobs that they sometimes use in hotel bathrooms for heat lamps.  Would that be weird?
5. Natalie calls her pinky finger her “girl finger.”  She says all the rest are boys.  ??
6. I gave a talk in church yesterday.  I think it went okay, but I forgot half the papers I was going to use and I still took too much time.  I get a little mad at myself for having zero grasp on the gift of brevity.  I did, however, really enjoy preparing and studying for the talk.  I wish I did a better job of studying the gospel that thoroughly even when I don’t have an assignment.
7. I made a simple new years resolution.  I’ll just cut and paste from Facebook since I’m lazy:  “My New Year’s resolution this year: *Be Nicer*. Seriously. The stuff that bugs me is probably not going to go away, so I just need to get over it and be nicer. (Bite tongue, curb sarcasm, manage anger.) Funny, my mom used to always tell me “Stephanie, be nice,” and I would roll my eyes at her. Now, I’m pushing 40, and I think I’m finally starting to get it.”
8. Along those same lines, for Family Home Evening last night, we came up with a family goal/motto for this year.  After discussing being nice to each other, showing respect, no yelling/arguing, etc., we adopted this line from the primary song “I’m trying to be like Jesus”:  “Try To Show Kindness in All That You Do.”  Anybody want to make me some cool graphic-designy thing that I can hang up on my wall?  Anyway, we’re going to work on that.
9. I’ve been invited to speak at a fireside in a couple weeks in a random ward where I don’t know anyone.  The bishop would like me to speak to the young women and the women about modesty.  I’ve been thinking about it for a while and I feel like I know the general direction I’d like to go, but if anyone has any great thoughts or talks/articles to pass along, please do.
10. This year I got down of my high horse a little bit and actually consented to let Santa bring my children a Wii for Christmas.  It was the only gift he brought for all three.  I have always been sort of an anti-video-game poster-mom, but lots of points won me over for some reason.  It was a bit of a gaming free-for-all over Christmas break, but today it was back to school, back to rules, back to chores, etc.  We’ve always had a system in place where they have to finish their chores before school if they want 30 min. of media time after school.  I have to say that having the Wii sitting in our family room made them pretty anxious to get their chores done this morning.  I honestly don’t mind all the active games like sports and singing/dancing, etc., so hopefully it will all be okay as long as I stick to my guns about time limits and what’s appropriate and what’s not.
11. We also played some fun new games over the break.  The kids got Apples to Apples Jr., and they really like that.  We got a card game called Clue Suspect, and I’m pretty much unbeatable.    We played a fun game called Telestrations with extended family, and we still need to try out a game Clark got in his stocking called Sorry Revenge.  I did splurge right before Christmas and bought a game table I’ve had my eye on for the last year at a local consignment store.  Despite temporarily suffering buyer’s remorse (even though it was cheap), it’s been fun to have.
12. Here’s the one problem with a Kindle.  You start a book and you don’t have a good sense of how long it really is.  I started The Count of Monte Cristo a week or so ago, and I have been reading and reading and reading, and my little progress tab only showed me at about 33% done.  I really liked that first third of the book, but after reading and reading some more (like almost all the way to 50%) and starting to like it a little less, I began to wonder.  Well, I looked it up on amazon to see how long the real book is, and it turns out that the unabridged version I’m reading is (depending on the publication) between 1200-1600 pages long!  Sweet mercy.  So according to my calculations, I’ve probably read about 700 pages so far.  Someone please tell me it’s worth it to finish it, because right now I’m feeling like I’m in quicksand– in too deep to get out.  And since I’ve spent all that time invested in reading it, it’s like I have to finish it just on principle alone.
13. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and New Year, I really do.  Post-vacation transition is hard and a little depressing, so let’s make the best of it, shall we?

Dump complete.  Carry on.

Having said that, this week we will be studying President Eyring’s talk about the using the Book of Mormon to facilitate personal conversion.

“The Book of Mormon is the best guide to learn how well we are doing and how to do better. . . . The doctrine and the valiant examples in that book will lift, guide, and embolden you.  . . . Parents who struggle to get a witness of the Savior into the heart of a child will be helped as they seek for a way to bring the words and the spirit of the Book of Mormon into the home and all the lives in their family. “

What about this talk stood out to you? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

To anyone who is checking out GCBC for the first time, the goal is to read one General Conference talk a week and discuss it together as an on-line “book club.” If you want to learn more, go here, and join the discussion.

Sometimes life doesn’t turn out like you planned it out in your mind (or in your journal when you were 13). We make plans, we set goals, we visualize expectations wrapped up in pretty packages and we move forward in life hoping it all plays out that way. But it often doesn’t, and not necessarily by lack of planning or industry. Sometimes life just happens– and it’s bigger than our dreams or plans.

Recently, I’ve been keenly aware that God’s plans for me might be different than my own agenda. He sees opportunity in things that I try to avoid; he sometimes closes the door on things I want and things I think I need. I’m tempted to believe that things are “all messed up” when, really, they are exactly as they should be.

I think part of the problem is measuring our life in things, places, status, location– anything that can be “seen.” But, truly, we would do better to measure how we’re doing in life by the condition of our hearts. What kind of person have we become? Whom do we love? Whom do we serve?

Elder Neal A. Maxwell said:

“The perks of discipleship are such that if we see a stretch limousine pulling up, we know it is not calling for us. God’s plan is not the plan of pleasure; it is the “plan of happiness.” … Yes, we are free to choose the mortal perks with their short shelf life. …those who bestow the transitory things of the world are, themselves, transients. They cannot confer that which is lasting because they do not possess it! Some, so sensing and seeing so little, want to have it all now!

So, it’s in that context that I’m trying now to look more carefully at my disappointments, the wishes that haven’t come true, and the strange detours that life sometimes takes.  It’s important to understand that the Master plan is the blueprint in this plan of happiness.  Sure, we can try to build something different, but I don’t think we’ll find the shelter we need in the end.

Earlier this week, I wrote about the importance of saying no to our children.  It makes sense that an all-wise Heavenly Father would often deprive us, his children, of some things we want for many of the same reasons we tell our children no:  to develop patience, to learn to work, to value the things that matter most, to help us gain the characteristics we need to be successful.

Elder Maxwell also said:

Genuine faith makes increasing allowance for these individual tutorials. In view of these tutorials, God cannot, brothers and sisters, respond affirmatively to all of our petitions with an unbroken chain of “yeses.” This would assume that all of our petitions are for that “which is right” and are spiritually “expedient.” (3 Ne. 18:20; D&C 18:18; D&C 88:64–65.) No petitioner is so wise! Paul even acknowledged that we sometimes “know not what we should pray for as we ought.” (Rom. 8:26; see also D&C 46:30.)

The 13-year-old inside of us (who clearly stated everything she wants) is a demanding, selfish, loud brat who is way overconfident in her ability to decide what’s best for her.  The trick is surrendering our adolescent demands to an omniscient, loving Father who has our best interest in mind.  It’s hard to let go of a wish, but who doesn’t want to invite happiness, no matter what kind of package it’s wrapped in?

When we first got married, I rolled my eyes at Matt and all his Franklin-Covey Core-values life-planning goal-sheets with step-by-step plans from today to exaltation.  I just liked to live life from day to day doing the best I could and figured that as long as I was pointed in the right direction, I’d eventually end up in the right place.  I was fine with that.  And it worked for a quite a while.  In some areas, it still does.  But once my days became divided between three little attention-parasites and a husband who wants me to remember he’s still around too, plus church and civic commitments… well, I got confused.  The whole “resolute” part of resolutions is the most difficult part.  It’s hard to keep track of everything without really thinking through what matters most and making sure it gets done.  It’s easy to get distracted.

I’ve tried list-making and note-taking.  I’ve posted goals on my bathroom mirror and kitchen cupboards.  But the thing that finally clicked for me came after I heard Sister Julie Beck’s talk about “intentional parenting” last Spring.  I learned that I needed to think about what I really want to accomplish with my family and build those related activities into our routines.  On purpose.  So, for me, goals and resolutions have turned into schedules and calendars.  I’ve found that when I actually PLAN my goals, they don’t disappear.

Do I want to make sure we make it to the temple?  Put it on the calendar!

Do I want my children to learn how to serve and how to work?  Put chores and service in the weekly routine.

I’ve spent the last week or two trying to think about what things are going well in our family, what things need to go, and what are things have been neglected.  Less TV?  More one-on-one time with kids?  Regular temple attendance?  More or less extra-curriculars?  When’s the best time to schedule in my scripture study so it has the greatest chance of getting done every day?  You get the idea.

It took days of thought and hours of document design, but this is the final result.  (Don’t you dare laugh at me.)

So, this is what I’ve become.  I would have never imagined.  Then again, I shouldn’t be shocked since I do have a minivan and a mommy blog– a couple other things I probably didn’t originally have on my young, naive list of future plans.  Anyway, I was so proud of my new weekly schedule.  I showed it to the kids with optimistic enthusiasm.  They’re used to my constant charts and signs, so they were on board.

And then like a dark cloud, the holidays were over and today was back to school, back to real life, and test-drive day for our new weekly schedule.  Please tell me that your children go through post-holiday detox too.  They were out of control.  No more presents to open, no more grandparents to entertain them, no more unlimited access to movies and computer games, no more days off of school.  If I could describe the day in one phrase . . . it was a day of time-outs within time-outs (breaking rules upon rules while still being punished for the last broken rules).  I really wanted to throw out the schedule and tell them to go watch TV until bedtime.  Needless to say, my twinkly dreams of an organized and peaceful New Year went up in flames by about 3:00 p.m. and my children’s chances of living through the month were almost completely diminished by 6:00 p.m.

And this is where the whole “resolute” thing comes into play.  Are the goals important to me?  Yes.  Is it worth sticking it out and being consistent?  I think so.  Will my children be incarcerated in the process?  I hope not.  I have to believe that with commitment and consistency, we’ll fall into a routine that reflects what kind of family we want to be.  This is not a new concept around here– there was a summer schedule and a Fall schedule and this one is just adjusted for changing family needs.  (As a side note, I’m not a nazi about the schedule minute-to-minute, but it gives direction and focus to each day.  For example, a day with emphasis on service, one on outings, one on chores, etc.)  They’ve learned to thrive in the routines in the past and they’ll do it again, if I can survive the first two weeks.  Wish me luck.

Here are three talks (in addition to the Sister Beck one I mentioned earlier) that have really helped me in trying to figure out what kinds of things need to be part of our family’s patterns.  The first two are both by Elder Dallin H. Oaks, and the third by Elder Bednar.

“Good, Better, Best”

“Focus and Priorities”

“More Diligent and Concerned at Home”

Happy New Year!

I chose for this week a talk by Elder Quentin L. Cook of the Quorum of the Twelve because it helps remind me where my greatest responsibilities (a.k.a. “stewardships”) lie.  I’m hoping that as I study it this week, it will help me to focus on what matters most as I set my goals and try to create places for righteous patterns in my life.  The talk is called “Stewardship — A Sacred Trust.,” and was delivered during the Sunday Afternoon session of conference.

“We try to do what is right because we love and want to please our Father in Heaven, not because someone is forcing us to obey.”

“I would suggest that if we think about giving an accounting of our actions to the Savior, our rationalizations will be seen in their true light.”

“My hope is that each of us will review individually and as families the stewardships for which we have responsibility and accountability.”

I attended Women’s Conference at Brigham Young University in May, and while I learned many things that were great and uplifting, the highlight for me was the talk given by Sister Julie Beck, General Relief Society President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I know my personal opinion has no bearing on the efficacy of her teachings, but I really like Sister Beck.  She is spunky, kind, and speaks truth without fear.  Plus (with all due respect) she is the first General Relief Society President in generations that has dared to not have this haircut:

Isn’t she lovely?

Anyway, when I heard her talk, and it affected me the way that it did, I thought to myself, “This is why I came.”  She did not say anything that I have not heard taught before, but the cohesiveness and clarity of her message brought me a deeper insight in the doctrine of the family, and a greater understanding of my practical role in it.  Loved her talk.  (Here is a link to watch her whole talk, entitled “Nourishing and Protecting Home and Family.”   It is worth watching.)

From, my notes, here are some highlights:

There are three things that she has felt strongly that women need to do to fulfill their divine role:

1. Increase faith and personal righteousness.
2. Strengthen family and homes.
3. Seek out and help those with needs.

She focused her talk on the doctrine of the family:  The Doctrine of family is defined in the Proclamation on the family.

The Plan of Salvation includes the theology of family, as seen in the 3 pillars of the gospel of Jesus Christ:

1. The Creation– families were formed under God’s direction
2. The Fall– provided means for family to grow and develop faith
3. The Atonement– opportunity for eternal growth and restoration.

Marriage is ordained of God, an order of the Priesthood, and necessary to see the face of God and live.

1. The natures of male and female spirits complete each other.
2. Both are needed to bring and raise children.

Some scriptural examples of the doctrine of the family and threats to it:

1. Doctrine and Covenants 2:  This is the 1st revelation (chronologically)  included in the Doctrine and Covenants; it points to the temple.
2. Ephesians 6:12  We wrestle against spiritual wickedness (“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”)
3. Alma, chapter 1:  Nehor started the doctrine about “me”– this philosophy is a threat to the family that is about “us/we.”
4. Alma, chapter 30:  Korihor, the “anti-Christ” repeated many of these same philosophies.  He was not original or clever; these doctrines were pirated from Satan and other failed leaders.

Anti-Christ principles are always anti-family, and, likewise, anti-family principles are always anti-Christ.

She quoted Spencer W. Kimball, who boldly declared the doctrine as it pertained to traditional family vs. non-traditional families (talk worth reading):

“… Many of the social restraints which in the past have helped to reinforce and to shore up the family are dissolving and disappearing. The time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us.”

We must preserve our families against gathering evil.  We must focus on and prepare our families for blessings of eternal life.

We have to be intentional about everything we do. (This is the part that stood out to me so much, and I felt a strong pull to pay attention to this and apply it in my own life.)

She told a story about her father and her mother sitting down during their honeymoon and setting goals for their family and for their children.  What did they want them to accomplish?  They made intentional steps to work toward temples, missions, education, work, etc., and then they used those goals to develop the culture of their family.  They created a “Personalized Family Plan.”

She reminded us that the commandment to bear children is still a commandment, and that we are still in the “business of creation.”

She touched upon the plague of pornography and stated that she has pondered much about this problem and tried to understand what the role of the women of the Church is in this challenge, and said that her clear impression has been:  “Fight!  Fight pornography and defend our homes.”  I wish I convey the spirit in which she made that challenge and how moving it was.  It actually brought much of the audience to spontaneous applause.

The following were some of her concluding suggestions and reminders to consider as we become intentional parents in gospel-based homes:

• Limit activities, and use time to teach.  Talk, teach, ask questions.
• Family Home Evening is so important– interruptions should be avoided.  We must prepare our families for the challenges to come.
• Sacrifice your life (mom) for their good.
• You can’t drive them or force them.  Only correct in kindness and love, and persuasion.  Make homes based on love.
• Husbands need to be loved also.  (D&C 25) Be a comfort, show meekness, create a climate of charity, faith and hope.
• Seek for and qualify for the voice of the Spirit everyday.  This (motherhood) is a faith-based work.  We must call upon our faith– faith in who we are, where we came from, and what we’re called to do.

In Moses 5:10-13, Adam and Eve review the blessings of mortality:

10 And in that day Adam blessed God and was filled, and began to prophesy concerning all the families of the earth, saying: Blessed be the name of God, for because of my transgression my eyes are opened, and in this life I shall have joy, and again in the flesh I shall see God.

11 And Eve, his wife, heard all these things and was glad, saying: Were it not for our transgression we never should have had seed, and never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient.

12 And Adam and Eve blessed the name of God, and they made all things known unto their sons and their daughters.

What else can I say?  I felt so inspired by this talk, like it was a call to battle. It made me want to rise up and do better, be better.  I know that our roles as mothers is so important, and our power and influence will be needed more and more as the world tries to destroy the faith we hold dear.

This video is from a different, previous talk by Sister Beck entitled “Mothers Who Know,” with clips set to pictures and music.  It further solidifies the divine role of mothers.  Hope you find its message as inspirational as I did.  (It describes an ideal mother.  None of us are ideal, but it sets a standard to strive for, not a measuring stick for guilt.)

I like to think that I’ve matured spiritually a little bit over the years.  I personally believe that one of the signs of spiritual maturity is to listen to talks and lessons and seek for ways to apply the principles to my own life instead of thinking things like, “I hope so-and-so is paying attention to this,” or “The such-and-such family should really hear this talk.”  I’ve finally determined that passing off a teaching to another is a wasted opportunity to better myself.  Having said that, I can totally understand Matt’s excitement to run home from the Priesthood session of Conference on Saturday night and say to me, “You’ll never guess what President Uctdorf said.  You’re going to die!”  I raised an eyebrow while he flipped through his notes.  “He said Don’t spend hours and hours creating a blog and neglecting your children.“

So I have decided to leave the church.

Just kidding.

This leads me to the concept of conference-induced guilt.  And like the title of my post says, it’s a good thing.  What I feel is not a Boy-you’re-making-a-lot-of-mistakes-and-you-are-a-failure feeling, but rather a humbling You-are-trying-but-you-can-do-better feeling.  And it’s good for me.  It motivates me, reminds me, encourages me.  It re-converts me.

So here is a list of things that I learned from General Conference this weekend.  Some are things that were specifically said.  Many are thoughts that came into my mind and heart as I listened.

1. I’m thankful that there are living prophets on the earth.
2. My children have been driving me crazy this past week, but I love them.  I need to make them a priority.  And besides teaching them, I need to pray for them and ask God to bless them to grow up righteous and obedient.
3. I need to laugh more instead of getting bugged.
4. The temple is important.  As the world gets crazier, the need for the peace of the temple will grow and grow.  Maybe I can eliminate something from my budget so that I can pay a regular babysitter and put temple attendance as a regular item on my calendar.
5. I don’t even know what real adversity is.  My life, though sometimes emotionally challenging is a piece of cake compared to some of the great challenges other people have faced.  Instead of complaining about my bad days, I should be grateful for my abundant blessings and ease.
6. I  need to be more worried about what God thinks than what anyone else thinks.
7. The depth of Jesus Christ’s Atonement is awesome.  I am reminded that my small, occasional feelings of loneliness  can be swallowed up and comforted by a loving, completely understanding Savior.  (Elder Holland’s was my very favorite talk.)
8. Satan is working hard to destroy things that are important.  When I get in a grumpy funk, I’m not the best companion in the world.  I need to be careful that I don’t let that kind of temptation/distraction be a detriment to my marriage. I’m sure Satan would love to see it fail.
9. I can give a little more to my calling at church.  My Sundays should be spent in service to others.  Ask myself, “How can I bless people today?”  Perhaps I need to visit more of the children to show love to them.  I need to teach reverence and respect to the Primary children, starting with my own example.
10. When someone is lost or stranded spiritually, we should reach out to them and not judge.

I’m sure that when I re-read the talks in the Ensign magazine, many other things will stand out to me and I will again desire to do better.  Is anyone interested in having an online Ensign Book Club?  We could schedule one talk a week to study from the most recent conference, and then have an in-post discussion about our favorite parts and insights– lessons we learn, things to work on, etc.  I’m not sure about all the details, but I would love to have a forum where we could study something together and report to each other about our insight.  Just a thought.

How was Conference for you?