Bringing some diaper humor back to Diapers and Divinity

I saw this picture floating around on Facebook today and it made me laugh… and remember. Toddlers sure like to keep their moms busy, don’t they? Here’s a sample of what it would look like if toddlers used Facebook.  Funny stuff.

FBtoddlerHang in there, toddler moms! You’re not alone.

I especially wish to praise and encourage young mothers. The work of a mother is hard, too often unheralded work. The young years are often those when either husband or wife—or both—may still be in school or in those earliest and leanest stages of developing the husband’s breadwinning capacities. Finances fluctuate daily between low and nonexistent. The apartment is usually decorated in one of two smart designs—Deseret Industries provincial or early Mother Hubbard. The car, if there is one, runs on smooth tires and an empty tank. But with night feedings and night teethings, often the greatest challenge of all for a young mother is simply fatigue. Through these years, mothers go longer on less sleep and give more to others with less personal renewal for themselves than any other group I know at any other time in life. It is not surprising when the shadows under their eyes sometimes vaguely resemble the state of Rhode Island. … Do the best you can through these years, but whatever else you do, cherish that role that is so uniquely yours and for which heaven itself sends angels to watch over you and your little ones.”  –Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

 

In which I break my own cardinal rule of blogging

When I started blogging a few years ago, I vowed to never use my blog as a platform to gripe about my marriage or my husband, until today.

Matt has a man cold.

Man Cold

[image credit]

If you are unfamiliar with the man-cold phenomenon, watch this (hilarious!) video, and I think you will find that it is familiar.

This condition arouses none of my natural sympathies. I am a very bad person.

(Okay, I admit that I do feel a tiny bit bad for him, but that’s only because he’s supposed to take 18 deacons winter camping tonight in the mountains. But I would feel bad about that regardless of his “condition.”)

Oh, p.s., today’s the last day to let me know if you want tickets to girls night out.

Pretty Darn Funny: An exercise in laughing and voting

I made a video of myself in my pajamas with no makeup on and posted it on the World-Wide-Internets for everyone to see. Why?, you might ask. Because I want to go to the Caribbean, and I’ll sacrifice my dignity for the opportunity.

Deseret Book is beginning a comedy web-series in April called “Pretty Darn Funny” about women and motherhood. I happen to be an expert on both.

Why are you laughing already?

Anyway, they’re running a contest to collect funny stories from normal (and expert) women like you and me, and the grand prize winner gets a Caribbean cruise. Please don’t misunderstand: this is not an invitation for you to run over there and post your own video because that would be… well, selfless. This is about me. And the Caribbean.

So go right here, and watch my video and then vote for it by pushing the little orange-ish “thumbs up” icon at the bottom of the video display. (It’s less than 2 minutes long.) If you feel so inclined, watch it and vote for it every day until March 31st because that would be awesome. If I win, I promise to send each and every one of you a postcard. Totally serious. See? I can be selfless.

Dumb dilemma

I’m teaching a fireside tonight about modesty.  Well, actually a little more than modesty. It’s called “The Beauty Paradox.”

So, while I keep scrambling around today trying to get last-minute preparations done (get off the computer already, Stephanie!), I keep having this nagging question in the back of mind mind . . .

What exactly does someone WEAR to teach a class about beauty??!  I mean, you want to have some credibility, but you don’t want to overdo it and negate your whole message.  I’ve never met any of the people I’ll be teaching and they’ve never met me.  I’ve kidded myself in my mind about how they’ll probably expect me to pull up in a Mary Kay pink Cadillac or something and will be sorely disappointed when I roll in in a 10-year-old van with 158K miles on it and last week’s lunch leftovers in the back seat.

Maybe I should just wear sweats and a pony tail so they’ll all feel better about themselves.

Update: Please don’t look at any ads beyond this point.  I have no say in the ads that wordpress generates for my post, and I’ve been told some are inappropriate.

Looking for some holly-jolly laughs

I’ve never spent a lot of time on YouTube, and I don’t really feel like browsing around looking for great content, but in the last couple of days, I found these little treasures through friends on Facebook.  My kids have been cracking up, watching them over and over again.

I’ve always LOVED this one (for me).  I’ve probably watched it more than 20 times and I laugh out loud every time.:

So, do you have any favorites?  Especially ones my kids would like (ages 8, 7, 5)?  I thought it would be fun to watch some over Christmas break.  I bet you have some great ones.  Hit me.

It’s a good thing I’m so educated.

I have a master’s degree.

However.

This is an actual conversation I had with a 16-year old employee at the drive-thru window of a local fast-food restaurant.

“You can order whenever you’re ready.”

“Hi. Yes, I’d like one twist ice cream cone, but do you have one that’s smaller than the large?”

“We have a small.”

“Oh, okay.  I’d like a small please.”

“Is that it?”

“Yep.  That’s all.”

“Okay, your total will be $1.92 please.”

“Um, does the small cone cost more than the large cone?”

“No, they’re the same price.”

“Well, the big banner out front says the large cone is $1.00.”

“Right.  The large is $1.00 on special, and the small is $1.00.”

“But you said my total was $1.92.”

“No, I said ‘$1.00. Lane 2 please.'”

“Oooh. (nervous laugh) Sorry, I guess I misunderstood you.”

A few minutes later, the girl came wandering back to my place in line and took my dollar and gave me the ice cream cone.

As I drove away, I realized I never did go get in Lane 2.

I hope Grant appreciated that stupid ice cream cone.

And I really hope that I’m smart again when I get resurrected.

What kind of blog is this anyway?

I get a fair amount of spam comments on this blog.  In fact, I probably get more spam than I get real comments.  Let me check. Yep, totally.   28,956 vs. 6,872.  Wow.  (WordPress has an awesome spam filter.) A couple have jumped out at me lately.  Besides the fact that most of them are ridiculously-translated, nonsensical comments trying to redirect me and my readers to their trashy website, sometimes I wonder how they ever expected anyone to click on their link anyway.  Check out a couple of my favorite recent spam comments:

Yeast infection for you! it the best thing that can happen to you

asinine hazy idea, grace! thanks. i look out for number one.

In the beginning just remember it was darked and then someone smiled! try this:You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you! :)

Um, wow.  What inviting comments.  Can’t wait to “meet” those folks. <—sarcasm

Then there are things that “regular” people are looking for.  These are things that actual people have typed into Google or other search engines that have somehow landed them on my blog.  While it’s sometimes hilarious to see what people are looking for, it’s slightly unnerving to realize that something about my blog and its content has selected it as an answer to their search.  And they clicked on it.  I can only wonder how helpful or disappointing their visit was.  I mean, seriously, look at this list.  What does this say about me?

angry mom

example of urology limerick poem

weird monkey transformation

boogers bedroom

baby terrorist

an angel measuring something

old lady diapers

kidney leisure ultrasound

what do ships, railways, mines, cars, and government exist

you lover her not me quotes

self help books internet addiction

my husband wears the worst jeans

Apparently, I’m not nearly as classy as I thought I was.

What are some of the funniest comments or searches you’ve seen come across your blog?

And p.s…. Any volunteers for Find-A-Friend Friday this week?  I haven’t heard back from my randomly selected guest, so I need a back up.  First come first, first serve.  Thanks!