Why I lay awake at night worrying about my book

[photo credit: image from tumbler.com, quote from Charlie Brown/Charles Schulz]

 

My biggest fear is that people will think:

Author about motherhood = Expert on motherhood

Promise me you don’t/won’t think that.

Just in the last 24 hours, I almost cried when I walked around my house and realized that all the hard work I did with my children a couple days ago has been completely undone, and probably made worse than when we started.

My status today on Facebook was: This morning I made my three children repeat together three times, “Yes Mother, right away.” I figure if it works in North Korea, I should give it a try.

And in an email to a dear friend, I wrote this: The kids are always hilarious. Unfortunately they are also completely unresponsive to any of my wishes, which seriously led me to consider running away at about 7:53 pm last night, but then I realized it would be incredibly embarrassing to publish a book on motherhood and then promote it while in exile.

So, yeah. I’m just trying to be as real as I possibly can. Some days I feel like a fraud, and then my (bad) inner voice says, “Who do you think you are? You’re a mess!”

And then I think about President Uchtdorf when he said, “Stop It!,” and then he said,

“We simply have to stop judging others [ourselves] and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children.”

So that’s what I’m working on today. That, and gratitude, because really, being thankful is a huge healer that can cover whatever seems wrong (and there is so much to be grateful for).

What are you working on today?

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9 thoughts on “Why I lay awake at night worrying about my book

  1. If your book is like your blog and like this post, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. I admire you a great deal, for your dedication to the gospel and your family, and also for your meekness and reliance on The Savior.

    I’ve been working on cuddling and snuggling with my kids more the past two days. I automatically kiss and hug my youngest all day long, but I’m reminding myself that even seven year olds need to be held by their mommas. The kids are just lapping up the attention, too; it was needed.

  2. No worries–I won’t judge you. The older I get the more I realize that I’m not an expert on anything and that helps me cut everyone else a lot more slack too.

    I’m working on living in the present (both for myself and my kids) and letting go of the things I can’t control. I got a whopper of a bill from my attorney this week–all for services that would not have been necessary if my ex would have been reasonable and responsive to efforts we (my attorney & I) have been making for the last 18 months. It’s beyond frustrating, but there’s nothing I can do about. I just have to suck it up, pay that bill and focus on all that is good in my life. Just like you, there is SO much that is good. I can’t let the stinky parts cloud my vision of God’s blessings in my life.

  3. Wait. I wrote a book about romantic comedy. Does that mean I’m *possibly* not an expert on that business? Also one about demon magpies. (Expert. Obvs.) And one involving hot Tongan boys. Okay, so CLEARLY, I know it all there….

    Would it be the most awesome thing in the WHOLE WORLD if we just didn’t worry what everyone thought about how we’re doing what we’re doing? (I hear 45 is the magic number for that one to come into full effect.)

    One more thing. I’m grateful for Honey-Nut Cheerios. Right out of the box.

    And… I adore you. The end.

  4. It must be the time of night, because I think I might say those exact words almost every night. The book would make me have those same feelings. No worries! You are a great writer with wonderful insight, I can’t wait to read and be inspired!

  5. I am working on getting my joy back. I have been a very grumpy, over sensitive person for a long time. So, I am working on pretty much everything. I will read your book and not judge you one bit. Motherhood is all about highs and lows. If you said it wasn’t I wouldn’t read your book. :)

  6. Well, I shouldn’t really comment because, naturally, since my husband is a marriage and family expert, our marriage and family are perfect and I cannot relate to anything you are saying. ;) (I put that little smiley face there in case anyone reads this and isn’t fluent in sarcasm.)
    What am I working on? Trying to not laugh too long or hurt anyone when my 16-year-old (in the same breath) requested to go to Florida with her friend for Spring Break and wants me to “just leave her alone already and get out of her life.” That, and recovering from a lidocaine infusion to get rid of a never-ending headache that is sure to come back if I live with three teenagers, right? Sigh. So, just about what most moms are doing. Hanging on by my fingernails. But it’s fun.
    You are fabulous. xo

  7. Steph, I think I know how you feel. I sometimes consider writing a book about parenting. But I laugh out loud thinking that people I know will wonder why I thought I could write it! :o It isn’t that I have all the answers; I don’t. But I have learned so much from making so many mistakes! :) LOL I’m sure there isn’t a mom out there who hasn’t though. Honestly, we mom’s need to give ourselves a break. No matter how hard we try or how good we do – parenting IS challenging! Experiencing exasperation from time to time and really having to work and pray is all part of the equation of motherhood! PS. I’m sure your book is great! :)
    Hugs,
    Corine :D

  8. This was almost exactly what I am feeling! Running away from home as a mom? I’ve felt that way dozens of times!!! Thank you for your lovely and honest sentiments. I’m so glad I’m not the only one who has unresponsive kids. I feel like my boys have earplugs/headphones on all the time, the ways I’m ignored. They’re not bad (usually) but they nod and go along doing whatever they are already doing.
    April Gluth is a friend of mine and linked me up with your blog.
    Again, thanks for the honesty!

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